Friday, December 31, 2010

That's A Wrap

It's the end now (well technically in a couple of hours). Goodbye 2010. Time to leave the sadness and disappointments behind and take with me as much goodness as I can extract from this year's lessons.

So I've found that:

~ God is REALLY awesome. Someone I'm in awe of. He's amazing. Actually amazing. He's brought me back to my first love with Him. I forgot what it was like when I felt so in love with Him and how much I adored Him. I forgot to be thankful. I forgot the significance of His painful sacrifice He went through to pay my debt - that he paid His perfect life to spare my withered, sinful one. I became complacent. But He brought me back, revived me.
 "Through the times I've faded and you've outlined me again" - Relient K. The song "Am I Understood?" reminded me of what it felt like to be in really love and really appreciate Him. You should give it a listen. Or just look up the lyrics if you're not into that genre of music (rock).
At my church we sing this song "Jesus It Is You". It always brings me back to the night I chose Jesus - it's puts tears in my eyes and melts my heart. "Who wears my guilt on his shoulders? Who holds my heart in his hands? Who takes my thoughts and fears, and hangs them on the arms of calvary? Jesus it is you".
I love Him for walking this year with me and the assurance that He'll walk me with me to the end of my mortal days is comforting.

~ Studying makes things easier. I know, I know, teachers and parents have been telling us this our whole existence. I've just started believing them now. Study groups is the way to go for me. They're so helpful and fun. I work best when I ask questions and compare and contrast my ideas and answers with others. I now have to wait for my exam results in the mail to see how effective my studying was.

~ Worrying solves nothing. It just creates more problems. I guess I've always known in theory but I didn't really understand myself and fully believe it. I know now to breathe, pray and move forward - easier said than done, but hey, difficult is not impossible.

~ And I like people more. I like human in general a whole lot more (definitely God given) and I'm very fond of my friends even more. It's been a good year people-wise.

I don't know about anyone else (except for Amy) but this year hasn't been a great year and it has gone really slowly for me. And frankly, I'm glad to leave it behind. The new year doesn't exactly erase the previous one, but I love the sense of new beginnings, a fresh start, a second chance.

So from me to you - HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Ignorance Is Your New Best Friend

I recently found out that two members (brothers) from my beloved band Paramore are leaving the band. I'm not a HARD-CORE, die-hard, fan so I wasn't like "Boo-hoo!! I'm gonna miss you Josh and Zac. DON'T LEAVE!!!". Although, Josh was one of the main songwriters so I wonder what the new songs will be like... maybe they won't be as good.

On (their official site) a blog was published by Hayley (and Taylor and Jeremy - other band members) that Zac and Josh were leaving because they weren't happy in Paramore and that they were happy to support them and wish the best for them as they find happiness elsewhere. You can read that blog here. It seemed they were leaving on good terms and I was glad that they were leaving to be happier and not staying and doing something that's not fulfilling.

However, Josh himself published a blog about the full story (from his point of view) of why they're leaving. He even includes the founding of the band. And it turns out that there were a lot of problems along they way - not just all of a sudden their needs were not being met. It seems they never were. 

Josh wrote that Hayley (lead singer) had her own manager who kept treating Paramore as HER band (like Hayley and the Paramores or something) and said she was the real star and the guys are just supporting acts, backgroud guys.

"We travelled to LA a few weeks later for a showcase and it was a nightmare. Hayley’s manager would tell the band to be in the lobby of the hotel at a certain time, but he and Hayley wouldn’t show for hours.  We found out that they had been meeting with record label executives all morning without us, which is totally weird given that this wasn’t simply a solo artist, but we were a band. The band was in the dark the whole time.  After many meetings between Hayley, her manager and the labels they decided to sign her to Atlantic records. We didn’t understand why Hayley was the only one signing the contract since we were told this was a “band”, but we were too young to grasp all of this."

He even wrote that Hayley's claim that the their latest album 'Brand New Eyes' brought them closer together was false. Quite the contrary actually. 

"Once we finished touring on Riot, we came home for a break and started writing for Brand New Eyes. Hayley presented lyrics to us that were really negative and we didn’t agree with. For example, “the truth never set me free”, which contradicts what the Bible says in John 8:32 (“and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall sat you free”). We fought her about how her lyrics misrepresented our band and what we stood for, but in the end she got her way. Instead of fighting her any longer, we decided to just roll over and let it go."

Now I don't know what to feel when I listen to the songs. I mean, I could try and forget this whole behind-the-scene drama and focus on the music itself, as it is. But I liked the band too much to just take them for their songs. Now I know that this album was made without the close friendship I thought it was. 

The Beatles weren't always on good terms with each other but I still really like their work. So maybe I'll feel the same way about Paramore after I get over the shock.

Bye Josh. Bye Zac. 

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Normal Weird Experiences

Stuff that have happened to me that are pretty weird yet normal. Have a read :)


- I tried eating squid ONCE, but all I thought was eating Squidward so it felt unnatural chewing and swallowing it. I love meat, seafood - the lot. But eating one of these guys; not cool. It feels so wrong.

- The funniest and most fun "no you hang up" session was with my mother. She urgently had to get back to work but I was impervious to her pleas to hang up first. 

- Someone winked at me once. Not in a suggestive way, but in a "ssh, I know what to do" way. It was cute and childish. And I realised how seldom (if ever) people actually wink, but they'll type a wink face >>> ;)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Merry CHRISTmas

Jesus is the reason for the season. Christmas. Time to remember the day that Jesus arrived as a baby to show us Love in the greatest way. It's amazing how much Love drove him to come to this sin infested world.

It's when I mess up and feel like an utter fool that I'm taken back by the fact he still did what He did for me. And you.

So thank you Lord. It's a shame my words aren't enough. Nothing I give is. But I'll give it anyway. Thank you thank you thank you thank you. Thank you.

Here's some things I'm especially thankful for this year (they've been a great big help to me) :

- Jon Foreman and Relient K's songs for encouraging me in my Faith. They really do.

- My brother and Dan for cheering me up without trying. They just do (they're very alike these two).

- My sisters. We're the most different yet closest bunch of girls I know. Always willing to drink hot drinks and talk for hours - the perfect hang-out.

- My parents. I can't live without them. Well, maybe I could, but it'll be extremely difficult and uncomfortable. My human source of unconditional love.

- Amrita, Immy and Nicole and others in HU for studying with me. You guys made exams much less scary and gave me confidence.

- YOU. Reader of my blog. It makes writing more satisfying. Thank you for reading. 

Have a very merry Christmas. I'm sure I will. 

Monday, December 20, 2010

Hannah Who?

I like 12 Hannah Montana songs and 4 Miley Cyrus songs. 

I'm so over people hating on Miley's... style. I know. I thought Miley was that O.T.T bubbly girl who was 'average girl' by day and Hannah by night! I mean, how DARE she not act like her character in her daily life. How dare she be her 18 year old self. Who does she think she is, being whoever she wants? What does she think she have? Free will?

Okay, her new songs and clothes were shocking but we've had time to adjust and get over it. Uhh... did you know she's not Hannah Montana?? In case you didn't, I'll just say that the songs she used to preform and the clothes she wore were because Disney wrote Hannah Montana that way. Now she sings and wears what she wants to and isn't tied down by Disney.

I hear a lot of people say she was a role model to little girls. Well, personally, I don't think little girls under 11 should be watching it. Hannah has an attitude  towards her dad and doesn't listen to him, argues ALOT with her brother and talks about boys every day. She never mentions school work unless she failing. Now let's give this to our 7-year-olds so they can look up to her. Smart.

Her "Can't Be Tamed" songs aren't preferable, but that's just me (and most likely you).

My favourite Hannah Montana songs:
- I'm Still Good
- See You Again
- Make Some Noise

My favourite Miley Cyrus songs:
- 7 Things
- Party In The U.S.A

Tiered Ruffle White Dress - Thumbs up!
(by Dolce & Gabbana)

Friday, December 17, 2010

C.S Lewis Blog

I really enjoy reading C.S Lewis' writing. He doesn't just have a good story to tell, but the way in which he writes it is engrossing. He describes places and people so well and with a pinch of wit. 

I've been reading The Chronicles Of Narnia and I just love reading his descriptions. He does not exaggerate and everything is written as a matter of fact. "Suddenly, from nowhere - no one's sense of direction was very clear by now - there came a cry, either of some inhumane voice or else a voice of on in such extremity of terror that he had almost lost his humanity." *

Lewis also said "Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say "infinitely" when you mean "very"; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite."

I really liked his book titled 'Mere Christianity'. One of my posts was a paragraph from it. I can tell by reading his writing that he's very intelligent by the things he says.

I wonder what talking to him would be like. I'm going to go try and find an interview in YouTube.

*The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Pursuit Of Favour

One thing I'm guilty of (most of the time) is being a people pleaser. It's one of my least favourite characteristics. It sucks. It's hard. And, more often than not, not satisfying.

I get we're called to be servants to people (wait, do i fully get it?), but I'm pretty sure there's a line between that and people pleasing. If you asked, I would say I do it because I want others to be happy. But a secret part of me would say it's because I want people to like me. And it works. I mean, not many people don't like me (that I know of).

But it's painful. And it makes me feel so fake. But I have this thing that makes me want to make others happy, with me. I don't want to be disagreed with or told I was wrong. I can't take criticism (constructive or not). 

Ever since I was a little girl I've tried to do the right thing. I was scared of getting in trouble if I ever stood a toe out of line. That slowly grew into not wanting to disappointing anyone. After being a 'good girl' for so long, I felt that's what was expected of me and any less is frowned upon and make others look down on me and see me as a failure.

I get teary eyed if I get corrected by teachers or other adult (seriously). I cannot stand not being perfect. I get there a lot of things I can't do (sports, for example). But that's because that's not expected of me (oh so I think). I feel since I've proved that I can behave and get good marks at school, I have to be at my best at those all the time

Failing crushes me. It really does. It's discouraging and makes me not want to try. I've heard so many success stories of people using their failures as the first step to success (J.K Rowling for example). That's great. For them. I still haven't learnt how to do that. And I'm too proud to ask for help. Or let anyone in.

P.S I'm terrified of posting this. But let this be one act of bravery for 2010.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Mission: Fail

My family has done Secret Santa for the past 4 years and this year is no different. Christmas is next Saturday and I didn't want to do any last minute buying (and our Christmas Tree looks really bare with no presents). So today I ventured off to the mall to find a present for my secret somebody.I had a fairly good idea of what to get him/her and I had the money with me.

However, I didn't do what I set out to do. Instead, I bought things for myself. I know, so bad. But it felt so good. I haven't bought any clothes for myself in ages and this was so refreshing! It was nice to look around and try things out.

So now I have to make a second trip because shopping made me and my companions (mother and cousin) tired. So that was a failed Christmas Shopping trip. Maybe I'll do better next time.

Also, I found this hat that I didn't have $35 for:

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Chocolate Cake. Mmmmm.....

So I made a chocolate mud cake which is my first cake I've made all by myself! (sans those ready-made just add oil and eggs ones)

I was really worried that my mixture was too runny. And light in colour. It looked quite watery in fact. But it turned out okay. Whew! And i got not bad feedback -  that's always good. 

And I like the idea of glaze rather than icing:

This what it looked like when it came out 

Side on:

Why is it not flat?
Bad greasing of the baking tray (am going to use baking paper next time)

Now for the finished product:

Later that night:

It tastes better the next day. I had a little bit of this left-over piece. The texture is better.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Tuesday Morning

Yes, I wrote one about yesterday morning but today was so different I just thought I'd contrast it.

I had a pretty good sleep. I slept on our living room floor because it's more spacious than my room so I wouldn't get too hot.

I had a much better rest. I got up, washed my face and put on a white t-shirt (and jeans). I learned from yesterday that this thin, white material will keep me from being fried to death. What I didn't think about was the prospect of it raining. And it did.

So my white shirt proved to be a mistake. Good thing I had a white singlet underneath. I felt sorry for my sister. She'd have to spend a whole day at school in her rained-on clothes. At least it was just a drizzle (ma nizzzle) on our way to her school.

Walking on Jelicoe Road was when it started pouring. My jeans went darker and my t-shirt started clinging. I felt sticky and wet and warm. Being warm in the rain feels weirder than if it was cold.

But I was totally okay. 

Walking in the rain meant singing aloud and not worrying about any listeners - no one was absurd enough to walk around in this weather. I played 'Betty' and 'Coachella' (both by Brooke Fraser) on my phone and sang to my heart's content. I felt good. Really good. Like, really happy. I smiled and sang to myself and added a little skip every now and then.

One thing didn't change - I got strange stares from passing cars. 

The walk seemed shorter. It's true, time flies when you're having fun. Especially if you're singing in the rain.

When I got to Southmall, this construction worker was like "Hey! You. You're wet." But I ignored him because construction workers creep me out (sorry for the prejudice). I made my merry ole way to my beloved bus stop. Yes, today, everything is lovely and splendid (except for construction workers who talk to me).

I waited standing because sitting in wet clothes is awfully uncomfortable. 

This guy walked past me and it looked so much like someone I knew. So I went wide eyed as if to say 'omg! It's you!' and gave the ole recognition smile. But it wasn't who I thought it was. He just stared at me blankly. And he was standing to close for me to just pretend I was looking at someone else. NOTE TO SELF: Yeah, don't do that again.

He walked back to return to where he came from but this time he walked behind me.
A lot of minutes later, a bus came (not my bus) and the bus driver came out to have a smoke (I guess he was way ahead of schedule and had a few minutes to spare). What was weird was he gave me looked at me like he knew me and gave me the look I gave to that guy. So I thought he's probably a family friend from Samoa. And we chatted. He had a fobby accent and was very nice. We cracked little jokes and I was pleased to have company. 

But he had to go and carry on serving this country.

So I continued on waiting.

My bus came. The driver was a female. Female drivers aren't as kind to me as old male ones. And I made my way home. And that's my story, thank you for reading.

Monday, December 13, 2010

My Monday Morning

(okay,  you can skip to the end(it's the best part) if you can't be bother reading all of it.)

One one of the suckiest mornings this year. Till 9:05 that is. 

I had a really bad sleep :/ Sleeping on a  couch makes a hot night even hotter. Then I woke up at around 3 in the morning because I made the bad mistake of sleeping in the living room - where the television is. So up I get and I stumbled my way to my super soft bed which is nearly as hot as the couch. 

Then I had to wake up 7:10 to take my little sister to school by taking the bus. I'm was super tired but you gotta do what you gotta do. I grabbed the first clothes I could find - jeans and a black t-shirt. Bad move. It was a little sunny when we left the house so I knew it was going to really warm.

Once we arrived at my sister's school, at round 8, I watched her walk in before I turned around to walk to the bus stop - that's about 20 minutes away. Well, it would've been 20 minutes if I was walking at a normal pace. However, I felt absolutely knackered and so with my snail-sloth pace, I dragged my feet down the seemingly endless Jelicoe Road. I walked slower than an old lady. I know that because there was one across the road walking in the same direction and she kept getting more and more distant from me. I got strange glances from passing cars and children. 

By then, the sun was blazing into my face and my dark clothes absorbed the smoldering heat and emitting it to my skin. Not cool.

The walk seemed like forever. One step didn't seem to get me anywhere. But it did.

I reached my destination. Well, I took a little detour to the bakery first. Not as a good idea as I hoped. My hot-chips were semi-hot and my soda was semi-cold. I would've said it was a waste of my $4 but I got to sit at a table with my food for as long as I wanted. So it was worth it. 

I drank and ate - but not all of it because it wasn't that great. And who wants unnecessary and unsatisfying calories right?

I decided sooner or later I had to get up. I chose the former. Not because I all of a sudden got a boost of energy (I didn't), but my bus would arrive in about 5 minutes. So I stood and left. Still walking slower than old lady, I took slow, deliberate steps towards what would take me home. Finally.

I was hot, bothered, knackered, a little full and unhappy. 

The bus arrived. I didn't had my Student I.D on me and I was prepared with my $1.80. I got on. 
Me: Good morning (maybe for him) driver. One stage please.
Driver: Adult?
Me: *pause* ... yeah...  *sigh* I have no I.D on me
Driver: *presses the 'child' button* One dollar please. *smiles and nods*
Me: :D

My first smile. To a stranger. The kindest person I've encountered this morning. I don't know if he does this a lot but it meant a lot to me. One little act of kindness totally brought a little [figurative] sunshine to my day (not the literal sun, that was already here, and it wasn't that great).

Thank you driver!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Practice Makes Better

 My cupcakes and icing experience. This is me trying to get the right texture and look. Note to self: BUY RED FOOD COLOURING.




I have a younger sister nicknamed Bubbles and I think she's a really good younger sister. She rarely drives me up the wall and she loves me. She's super smart and I think she understands more than an average 8-year-old can comprehend.

Every day she has a clean slate for me. If I've yelled at her the previous day, she doesn't hold it against me. When I'm in a bad mood and dismiss and ignore her, she's always so forgiving and doesn't get angry at me.

She always does favors for me when I ask and she rarely answers back. She's always polite and hardly ever says anything mean about somebody.

She's really honest and wears her heart on her sleeve. (Is it just she's young? I don't know because I don't know many 8-year-olds.) This makes her really vulnerable. She may seem as confident as a lion, but she shatters easily like fragile glass.

I hate seeing her get hurt. I hate when people mistreat her. She's super-emotional and it pains me to see her cry - even when she's in the wrong. I just want to hold her until the tears stop flowing. I'm glad I'm her sister and not her mother so I don't have to play the "bad card" a lot. I can be the empathetic friend more.

I know of children who have bad tempers, physically violent and cuss like a biker. Not her. She's an angel. It doesn't seem like it every minute of the day, but she's a good kid. 

You know, I see a lot of myself in her, except I was much more shy so it didn't show as much. She's more like my brother in that area. She says and does what she believes in.

And she's really intelligent and questions things she doesn't understand. I love that (although, sometimes she challenges me and I have to pull out the old "It's because I'm older, that's why"). That's something I struggle with and I admire her for it.

(I thought about using her real name and putting her photo on here but that's unsafe right?)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Diana, Emma, Lauren and Joanne

I like these women. Well, I like their public persona (I don't actually know them). They're well-spoken and are good at what they do. I love watching interviews and documentaries about or relating to them. They're clever about their answers to questions and don't say vague, general or cliche things. I like listening to what they have to say. I'm not an obsessive fan that I'd Wikipedia and delve into their private life.


Diana Frances, Princess of Wales

I knew next to nothing about her till a few days ago. My sister, Donna, is quite the fan of the Royal Family and so she drew my attention to Diana. I watched a 5-part interview video on YouTube and I loved how she spoke - her tone, her manner, her content. Personally, I didn't like the interviewer. He seemed harsh in an indirect way. But she kept her composure and and spoke about personal issues that many would rather not discuss. I guess she knew as an important public figure, she had to talk about those issues. Like her bulimia, self-harm, marriage etc. She was very smart about her answers even when I thought the questions were getting annoying and repetitive.


Emma Watson, Actress

I've watched a few interviews of her and it's taken me a while to stop seeing Hermione and start seeing Emma (I'm sure we all have this problem). The questions she's asked are always the same (mostly regarding any romance between her and her co-stars on the Harry Potter films, Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint) but she was cool about it and made jokes about it. She's silly sometimes. I reckon she's sick of answering the same questions and giving the same answer time and time again. She's quirky and intelligent.


Lauren Conrad,  Celebutante, Author and Fashion Designer
She's one of the most level-headed reality television show stars I know. She's not a sheep. She's smart. She doesn't take nonsense and she doesn't dilly-dally (from what I see). When she's on the show The Hills she's not dense or make overly stupid decisions. She doesn't create unnecessary drama about petty things. She left the show after the producers kept pressuring her to do certain things for the show (for instance, patch things up with Heidi, her former best friend who she's no longer speaking to)*. She's sincere and doesn't say what others want to hear. She's also got a really good sense of fashion (understatement of the year).


J.K Rowling, Novelist
She answers what she's asked. And when she goes off on a tangent, she always comes back to the question to make sure it's answered. I like it when people do that. It ties things up nicely. She's honest and says things some people avoid saying. Like having lots of money has done many good things for her. Her story of rags to riches is fascinating and I love her sincerity. She's also an inspiration to those who accept failure as a permanent state of being to get up, get through and get far.  

"So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

*Amy could probably correct me if I'm mistaken

Thursday, December 9, 2010

He Cares

Okay, so a while back (not too long ago), I wrote a blog about being an awkward comforter and feeling bad for not delivering it right. 
Two days later, I opened my Bible and right there was this verse:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
- 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4

I know right?! Loves it. I can do it.

Every Rose Has It's Thorn...

...Just like every night has it dawn.
Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song.
Every rose has it's thorn.

So this song has been stuck in my head for DAYS. And everytime I'm on facebook I start to write the lyrics as my status (because it's "on my mind") then I backspace it. I don't want people to think I'm feeling depressed or having a fall-out with a close friend. And I don't want people to write comments inquiring my emotional/social well-being. Because it's fine. Good, actually. It's just stuck in my head.

So instead, I just sing the song to myself. It's a darn catchy song. No matter how slow it is. And I only know the chorus. Go away Poison. Please.

Real Life. Real Drama.

I like watching real life television. Reality shows like 'The Hills' and documentaries.

Reality shows that have recently captured my attention is of the likes of '16 and Pregnant' and 'Teen Mom' (a continuation of the '16 and Pregnant' girls). I'm intrigued and a bit weirded out about what these girls go through at such a young age. I can't believe they're MY age. They are forced to grow up really quickly and most of girls struggle real badly with that. And the guy's are such douche-bags. And I'm always surprised that the girls are surprised when they don't lift a finger to help. Duh! They're 16-year-old boys!

I also like watching Documentaries about families. Large families with 15+ children, step families who cannot get along and even Amish families. I like watching other people's families because they're so different to my own. And it makes me realise how special my family is. They're so supporting, and loving and I actually like them. Not just in a you're-related-to-me-so-I'm-forced-to-love-you kind of way.

I like watching interviews. Princess Diana, J.K Rowling, Roald Dahl's family and more. I wonder if the Documentary channel will ever show a documentary about Tolkien or Lewis. I would love to watch that.

Old episodes of Laguna Beach came on the other day. I can't believe how young Lauren was! And how funny Kristen used to dress. Good times.

Songs That Make Me Smile. Everytime.

1. Coachella by Brooke Fraser. I always want to dance when I hear this song. Always. I nearly always do. However, when in public, I just add a bounce to my walk. That's as dancey as I'll let myself get.

2. Mean by Taylor Swift. This song is what a young teenage girl would say to a mean boy. So little kiddy-ish (I see teenagers as little kids).

3. The Only Exception by Paramore. Sweet sweet song.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

If You've Seen 'Sorcerer's Apprentice'

This is my favourite scene in the movie

I now really like 'Secrets' by OneRepublic

Monday, December 6, 2010

Talk To Me, Tell Me Your Name

I've recently come to the conclusion (that so many have already comet to) that conversations in person are so much better than cyber conversations. 

It's easy to fake emotions and reactions through facebook chat or texting. With cyber converstations, I have time to mull over what I want to say and backspace a mistake. It's much easier to be insincere.

I've just gone through a process of deleting any facebook friends I haven't talked to in the past month. I kept them in the faint hope of getting in touch with them and building or rebuilding a friendship with them. It didn't work. I just kept accepting people who I knew from intermediate school or who is a friend of a friend who I talked to once or twice before. When they added me, I thought "Hey, they remember me! I wonder what we're gonna talk about. How exciting!". But adding me was it on their part. No "hi". No "it's been eons!". No "what have you been up to lately". No catch up. 

The buck stops here. My facebook friends are people who I would communicate with even if facebook didn't exsist (except for people overseas).

Face-to-face communication is so much more personal, and more meaningful. When I'm talking to someone right in front of me, they can read my facial expressions, body language and initial reaction to something they say. It's creates better friendships. And I know that when we're talking, they're not dividing their attention into a whole other conversation as is often what happens when texting or instant messaging.

So I prefer face-to-face contact. Which isn't to say I don't like texting or instant chatting. I just don't like doing it with someone who I wouldn't talk to in person. I don't like the awkward meeting where I see them in person and they don't speak to me. And it's happened a lot. So no more I say!

Sunday, December 5, 2010


I love helping and doing nice things for strangers. It's so fun! I love that they're benefiting from something I had to do with. I just love showing them there is good in humanity and brown people. 

1. I helped a man with directions. He had a map and I directed him what route to take.

2. This man in front of me in the supermarket queue using the self-checkout machine forgot his change and reciept. My cousin and I had to run after him yelling "excuse me sir" (as to not scare him) to give them to him.

Stuff like this warms my heart.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

You Never Know

Take great care with your choice of words. This is very important. Words that casually flow out of your mouth may penetrate much deeper than you can imagine. They can hurt. First they sting, then they fully sink in an ruin someone's insides. They can. And they do.
Your words may be the last straw of a really crappy day for someone. Just the thing that tips them over the edge and shatter them into a million pieces. Then they slowly pick up those tiny pieces and offer them to God and ask for restoration. Again.

I would know.

It may lead a misunderstood someone to end it all.

You never know.

However, your words, my words, our meaningful and genuine words have the power, the potential to heal and restore. They can brighten a dull, cloudy mind and form a smile, no matter how small.

This is true.

I have felt it.

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing
- Proverbs 12:18

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I Care

I hate prying. And putting my nose into other people's businesses (reality television shows don't count right?). It's makes me feel uncomfortable to do it and when it's done to me.

That's a good thing. Most of the time. However, because of this, I'm unsure of what to do when someone DOES tell me something personal and hush hush. I don't know how to react. I almost always feel like I say the wrong thing to them. Or give them the impression that I'm nonchalance about what they just said. I don't know...

I just feel like incapable shoulders for people close to me to lean on. But I don't want to be.

I'll pray. You can too. For me. Thanks.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


So coming to school about five and half hours earlier than an exam is a sucky thing to do. Especially if the library is closed so you cannot study in there and read books as a break from studying. Especially if the only class available to you and your one other companion is a computer room that is just begging me to use it's facilities (consequently, here I am). Especially if you hadn't had breakfast nor any money to go the bakery to buy some goodies. Especially if you're going to be here till 4 or 5 o'clock. And especially if you're extremely tired that you could just lean forward and rest your head on the keyboard.

So in case you've totally missed what I've just written - don't go somewhere hours before the required time. But of course you won't. I'm just trying to buy time.

My companion on the computer next to me is engaged in a typing activity on Typequick: Keyboard Lessons so I assume she feel the same way I do.

Monday, November 29, 2010

I Read This For Encouragement

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

- C.S Lewis. Smart Man.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things

- Respect for elders

- Chivalry

- Clean hair

- Nails

- References to The Bible & LOTR

- Jokes & witty remarks

- Praise from teachers

Friday, November 26, 2010


I find it hard to ask for help. Is it like that for everybody? 

It's a really random thing to ask for. And I feel very uncomfortable asking for it. Or accepting it if it were offered. Maybe I'm too proud... or too shy... or too afraid of letting others see my imperfections.


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Cleanin' Out My Closet... Literally

Unlike Eminem, my serious clean-up isn't as... serious. 

But it sure was rewarding!

Just look at my beauty. She's tiny but she was a mess this morning. I couldn't see the floor at all and the top shelf was overflowing with clothes I haven't worn in about a year or two. I filled two rubbish bags of clothes to get rid of. They take up SO much room.

I also found this:

(the wig, not a person)

Monday, November 15, 2010

Are You Sure You Want To Permanently Delete This Folder

NO. I meant to click NO..... but I didn't.

I just wiped out all the photos on my phone of people (except for my little nieces and second cousin). 

I'm one of those people that hold onto junk for years before throwing it away because I like to hold onto the memory. So this incident is like a flaming sword being slowly inserted into me.

It hasn't quite penetrated fully, but I can feel the initial shock.

I can't. Believe. My photos. Are. Gone.


Friday, November 12, 2010

My Hair

I never thought I'd miss my long hair. But I do. I've had my short hair for about a month now and I just realised how awesome my long hair was. It's a little too late. 

Wanting what I don't have. Tsk tsk. 
Come on hair, grow grow GROW!

Cute, Sad, xkcd

NOTE: The title seems more like what the tags of this blog should be.


Firework by Katy Perry.
I like the song. I like the music video.

I nearly cry everytime I watch. Seriously, I get choked up and have to bite and blink my tears away. But it's touching. The song's only 3:48 long but it's enough to get to me.

It's a music video about people stepping up and out of their little safety box (comfort zone), being the 'firework' that they are.
My favourtie one is when the boy steps into the fight his parents are having to stop his dad from hurting his mum and to cease the violence that's scaring his little sister.

Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky

I got teary writing this blog. I'm such a baby. 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Mental Picture

You know those moments you just wish you had a camcorder so you can record it all? Well, that happened to me today so I hope by writing it on here, I can never forget.

I went to school today during study leave study for math (cos math is awesome). And there were heaps of year 13s  I didn't know. So I studied in a little corner away from them with three people in my math class.

Then they (year13s) wanted to play charades and one of my friends studying with me joined in and invited me along.

I complied because even though I didnt know these people, I love a good game of charades.

I had SO. MUCH. FUN.

We went bananas at guessing what our team mates were trying to act out. Cheers, hi-fives and laughter filled the air. I love it. Thanks Melissa for asking me to join. I really enjoyed myself.
And my team won... by HEAPS :)

I'm quite competitive so that was totally cool.

NOTE: I guess this post is for my personal entertaininment. It's a you-have-to-be-there story. But hopefully when I read this next year I will remember it and smile to myself.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Gaga Ooh-Lala

Remember when 'Glee' covered Pokerface? Or when that boy on 'Ellen' sang Paparazzi and played the piano?

And everyone was like 'shock! gasp! wow!' (well, everyone I knew). And they were so amazed at the acoustic version. I heard "It's way better than Lady Gaga's version" so many times. But that version IS Lady Gaga's version. The other guys covered Gaga's acoustic version. She can play the piano just like that man in 'Glee' who never talks and that boy on 'Ellen'.

So I just though I'd tell you. Lady Gaga can sing and play the piano really well. She does her songs best (in my opinion).

Mixed Feelings

Right now I'm...

  • Siked that I've got "Speak Now" by Taylor Swift from one of my friends.

  • Sad that my form teacher is not returning next year (as our form teacher. She'll be at school for a month then leaves school).

  • Glad that we were able to give her a fond farewell with gifts for her and her baby (she's pregnant).

  • A bit nervous for upcoming exams.

  • Excited to use my $100 book vouchers.

  • Relieved that school over for the year - no more early mornings (except for exam days).

Monday, November 1, 2010

I Literally Had Butterflies In My Stomach

One of my pet peeves in the misuse of the word 'literally'. I could ramble on about all the times I've heard it used wrong and about how its used so frequently like people dont have a wide enough vocabulary to use the right word they need to express themselves.

But I won't. Because it might just flare something in me that's very unpleasant.

I'll leave you with this:

Monday, October 4, 2010

Sunday, October 3, 2010


I love them. They're so exciting and surprising (duh). I like not knowing what's coming up. It's makes new things much more exciting!

Which is why I don't like:

1) Watching television advertisements for TV shows that I'm following. (eg. Lost, I don't really mind for a sitcom).

2) Watching trailers for films. (eg. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, Camp Rock 2)

3) Reading a synopsis of a book.

Being caught off guard (with good things) is one of my favourite feelings. 

Friday, October 1, 2010

Reading Through The Internet

There's this website called xkcd and it has funny little cartoons. I was looking at the "About" section and here was one of the questions the moderator answered:

How do I write "xkcd"? There's nothing in Strunk and White about this.

For those of us pedantic enough to want a rule, here it is: The preferred form is "xkcd", all lower-case. In formal contexts where a lowercase word shouldn't start a sentence, "XKCD" is an okay alternative. "Xkcd" is frowned upon.
I thought that was pretty witty. 

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


You know what's killed for me? Sex. The concept of it. It's like, whenever someone mentions it, I cringe. I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't feel all hush hush about it.

I mean, it's not disgusting. It shouldn't be. It should the most intimate and beautiful way of showing love to your spouse. But most of the time, it isn't.

It's abuse to venerable girls (mostly girls, but sometimes guys).

It's splattered all across the Internet.

It's paid for - by lonely people for one night (or more) - by the hour.

It's showed off in movies by actors.

It's not treated as special as it should be. And it sucks to me. Because I have a bad connotation toward it. The only happy thought I have toward it every day is my parents. I love that they have and had sex. They might kill me if they read this... I don't know... (lol)

But I love how much they love each other even now after seven kids and YEARS!! (i think about 25) of marriage. They give sex a good name. Thank you mum and dad. You guys are an awesome couple!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

tehehehe :D

I got an award.

The Blog Award.

Someone awesome reads my blog an thought I was Blog-Award-Worthy. I have to say seven things about myself. Then pass it on to another who I think deserves it. Here it goes...


1. I used to be really reluctant to accept things from people with no paybacks. I felt like I owed them SOMETHING. But I'd usually have nothing to give back so I didn't want to accept charity. But then I thought about all the times where I just wished another person would just shut up and accept something I gave them with no strings attached. So now, I try harder to accept things - it's still hard for me though. Working progress.

2. I smile at church when I'm totally soaked in God's presence. I love that feeling. It's joy I can never find on the Internet or in people. It's awesome.

3. My favourite subject is math. It's the one I try most at. I get really happy during the one hour we have math at school. It's the only subject that I like to do homework for. It's the only subject where I really like helping people understand. It's the most comfortable class for me.

4. I hate losing or being wrong. I almost always nearly cry.

5. I make it a point to smile to strangers. I read a story about how someone comitted suicide and wouldn't have if he'd just recieve a smile.
6. I think too much about useless things.

7. I like funny jokes. They make me happy.

I award it to...

Jesse Toailoa
He's my brother and he's smart. I like reading what he has to say. I almost always agree with him. Click the link. Click it. Now.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I was reading a book and I came across the line "I would trust him with my life". Then I thought to myself, how many times that this been said and it's actually been true? And also, what does trusting someone with your life means?

[FYI] - This was in a courtroom and the woman who spoke these words was put on the stand was referring to the defendant - her son.

I thought to myself that these words were always taken so seriously and trusting someone with your life seems pretty huge (well, what more do you have to give?), but how do you prove it? Does it mean that if you would go cliff diving if the other person promises to catch you and make sure you leave unscathed? Or does it mean that you would marry someone they HIGHLY recommended them and gave a guarantee that they would make the perfect spouse? Or does it mean that you'd invest every cent you had knowing that the outcome will be worth it?

Because that's what I think trusting someone with your life is...partly.

The only one who I could absolutely, positively do this to is God. I mean, who else knows my life (in detail) 50 years from now? Who else knows 100% that I'll even live 50 years from now?

God's knowledge is infinite. So he knows exactly how much I need when I need it. And if I don't have it, I'll be okay.

God cares SO MUCH! So he handles my life with the utmost care. My life is precious. So is yours. I gave mine to his experienced, careful hands. He can take care of it way better than I ever could.

I love him for that. For His certainty. He's so able and so willing. Not a lot of people are. Some are willing but unable. Some can, but won't. He can and he will. If it's good for me. Otherwise, I don't need it.

This is what's been going through my head lately...