Wednesday, September 15, 2010


You know what's killed for me? Sex. The concept of it. It's like, whenever someone mentions it, I cringe. I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't feel all hush hush about it.

I mean, it's not disgusting. It shouldn't be. It should the most intimate and beautiful way of showing love to your spouse. But most of the time, it isn't.

It's abuse to venerable girls (mostly girls, but sometimes guys).

It's splattered all across the Internet.

It's paid for - by lonely people for one night (or more) - by the hour.

It's showed off in movies by actors.

It's not treated as special as it should be. And it sucks to me. Because I have a bad connotation toward it. The only happy thought I have toward it every day is my parents. I love that they have and had sex. They might kill me if they read this... I don't know... (lol)

But I love how much they love each other even now after seven kids and YEARS!! (i think about 25) of marriage. They give sex a good name. Thank you mum and dad. You guys are an awesome couple!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

tehehehe :D

I got an award.

The Blog Award.

Someone awesome reads my blog an thought I was Blog-Award-Worthy. I have to say seven things about myself. Then pass it on to another who I think deserves it. Here it goes...


1. I used to be really reluctant to accept things from people with no paybacks. I felt like I owed them SOMETHING. But I'd usually have nothing to give back so I didn't want to accept charity. But then I thought about all the times where I just wished another person would just shut up and accept something I gave them with no strings attached. So now, I try harder to accept things - it's still hard for me though. Working progress.

2. I smile at church when I'm totally soaked in God's presence. I love that feeling. It's joy I can never find on the Internet or in people. It's awesome.

3. My favourite subject is math. It's the one I try most at. I get really happy during the one hour we have math at school. It's the only subject that I like to do homework for. It's the only subject where I really like helping people understand. It's the most comfortable class for me.

4. I hate losing or being wrong. I almost always nearly cry.

5. I make it a point to smile to strangers. I read a story about how someone comitted suicide and wouldn't have if he'd just recieve a smile.
6. I think too much about useless things.

7. I like funny jokes. They make me happy.

I award it to...

Jesse Toailoa
He's my brother and he's smart. I like reading what he has to say. I almost always agree with him. Click the link. Click it. Now.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I was reading a book and I came across the line "I would trust him with my life". Then I thought to myself, how many times that this been said and it's actually been true? And also, what does trusting someone with your life means?

[FYI] - This was in a courtroom and the woman who spoke these words was put on the stand was referring to the defendant - her son.

I thought to myself that these words were always taken so seriously and trusting someone with your life seems pretty huge (well, what more do you have to give?), but how do you prove it? Does it mean that if you would go cliff diving if the other person promises to catch you and make sure you leave unscathed? Or does it mean that you would marry someone they HIGHLY recommended them and gave a guarantee that they would make the perfect spouse? Or does it mean that you'd invest every cent you had knowing that the outcome will be worth it?

Because that's what I think trusting someone with your life is...partly.

The only one who I could absolutely, positively do this to is God. I mean, who else knows my life (in detail) 50 years from now? Who else knows 100% that I'll even live 50 years from now?

God's knowledge is infinite. So he knows exactly how much I need when I need it. And if I don't have it, I'll be okay.

God cares SO MUCH! So he handles my life with the utmost care. My life is precious. So is yours. I gave mine to his experienced, careful hands. He can take care of it way better than I ever could.

I love him for that. For His certainty. He's so able and so willing. Not a lot of people are. Some are willing but unable. Some can, but won't. He can and he will. If it's good for me. Otherwise, I don't need it.

This is what's been going through my head lately...


Monday, September 6, 2010


You know, through all this uncertainty ... my God still rocks my imperfect socks. 

I love how His peace doesn't mean no battles. But it's peace in Himself that I find right in the midst of battle. That's such an awesome thought.

Another thought - I sometimes hear preachers talk and think "that's so cliche... like, I've heard a million times before". But there's always that time where they say the same thing AGAIN (for the umpteenth time) and I think "wow! That's so totallly true! Why haven't I realised that before?!!" And right there God himself came to my face and said it to my heart. So now I never (well, nearly never) roll my eyes or sigh in exasperation when I hear a cliche line at church or by anyone really because there may be one (or more) person who really so badly needs it in their troubled hearts.

That's another thing that I hear a lot in theory but it meant so much more actually realising and understanding myself.... 



I worry too much...

umm.... hmm... yeah.....

I haven't posted a blog in eons. I'm having a hard time deciding whether or not a blog is too personal and not for public parading or if it's too bland that my readers (my brother....) aren't interested because I didn't put enough of myself in it.

I've written like, three blogs without publishing them.... :/

It's like me in real life. I'm too much a hermit most of the time becasue I don't know how much of myself to put out there so I don't at all. Then other times I say or do too much..... which leads to me back to doing and saying nothing at all.

I also have a lot of txts in my 'drafts' folder that I never sent...

(was this too much?) ..... lol