Saturday, December 31, 2011

Last Day Of BEDD

I've been attempting to Blog Every Day of December (hence, BEDD) and for the most part, I stuck true to this project. I missed some days and I tried to make up for it by posting twice the next day. And then there was one day I posted one too many posts. Then I missed another day which made up for that extra entry. And then I think I missed another day because I now have 30 posts over the 31 days. 

Although technically I failed, I don't feel like I have. Which is VERY contrary to my personality. I usually hate failure and am very bothered by it. But hey, no need to put one's personality in a box right?

That's one thing I've learnt this year. People have so many facet's to their character you can't just catagorise them. I've met lot's of people this year and spending time with people has been more enjoyable than my very-anti-social self anticipated. People who I had preconceptions proved to be much more than what I thought. 

I mean, yeah they had the qualities I expected, but they had and were so much more than that. People's characters shouldn't be defined or described in one small paragraph. But we amazing creatures known as human beings are so much more complicated, so much more fascinating, so much more. 

This is been a huge eye-opener for me as I am a huge catagoriser. I mentally slot people into groups that I think people call stereotypes (lol). I know that I do it, and I acknowledge that I should do it less but my sub-conscious does it so easily and it takes a lot of training of my brain to not do it. Hanging out with people more and forming really good friendships has helped with that. People who I've been acquainted with for years have become some really good friends.

And this revelation about humans has been an eye-opener about the big man upstairs. If humans are this multi-dimensional then just imagine God (well, you can't fully, but do it anyway). God telling me he's so much more than I already know of him. He's has so many more qualities, facets about Him that make him so much more beautiful than I know. I shouldn't box him up to what my 17-year-old can comprehend right now. 

So as 2011 ends, let's leave behind the disappoinments and take with us the lessons learned. We are much wiser to have lived through this year and let's all give ourselves a pat on our backs (or go crazy on baked goods) for living through another year. Thanks God, a lot, for making this year possible (literally). 

I'm not even going to proof-read this - I'm tired, it's humid and what the heck, it's the end of the year - cut me some slack :P

Peace out!
Laura Toailoa

Friday, December 30, 2011

About Blogs

It's New Year's Eve's Eve and I went through this year's blog posts and although I didn't go through all of them (I only got up to May). Most of the blogs seem pretty dry to me now but the two posts I liked were:

"I Really Really Like This"
"The Mayonaise Jar And Two Cups Of Coffee"

I think my style of writing has changed, the feel of my words etc. I've started following way more blogs and reading all the different ones inspire me blog better. I see what each blogger does best and try to adopt that technique as my own. My favourite part about blogging this year was finding and following Samoan bloggers. A little community of Samoan women (mostly) who follow each other. I love it. Just love it. A bunch of bloggers who have left the motherland and are scattered across this giant planet are still holding their culture and love for Samoa close to them. It's been very refreshing reading from these women as opposed to all the little Palagi's I follow. Hehe.

And also meeting the Queen Of The Samoan Blogging Sisterhood (no? Not gonna catch on?) herself - Lani Wendt Young this year is a blogging highlight I can't forget!! (Although, she's probably known better for being the author of the amazing novel - Telesa rather than author of Sleepless In Samoa. lol).

A shout out to all four of you followers who I don't know in person and legit like my blogs and aren't pity following me because you know me.

And thanks to you real life friends and family for making up my followers numbers and making me feel like I'm writing to more than myself :)

<3 <3 <3 Laura

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Doctor, The Widow and The Wardrobe

What’s the point of you being happy now if you’re going to be sad later? 
The answer is of course, because you’re going to be sad later.

I cried. Tears of sadness and happiness. So humaney wumaney of me. 'Twas a beautiful episode and I loved this Christmas Special!

Happy Crying
I'm excited for the next season - eep!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really Really Want

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Make it last forever, friendship never ends!

LOL Now that my little singing is finished (yes I sang :P), here a list of things of how I want to spend my holidays but aren't for one reason or another. If anyone wants to make my dreams come true, flick me a message. Please.

- Go shopping. No money. End of [sad] story.

- Go to the beach. It's actually been feeling like summer lately and what better way than to spend a hot summer's day than at the beach.

- Have a picnic. Just to get out of the house and away from the internet and eat and talk and play games under a shady tree admiring nature and all that.

- DVD night. Filled with flicks like Jerry McGuire, I Am Sam and The Bucket List. And maybe Matrix Reloaded.

My cousin who lives near town is staying with my Aunty for the holidays which is about a minute's walk away so I'm spending as much time with him before holidays are over. I pretty much don't see him throughout the year. Hanging out with him and his sister have been pretty much all my days have been filled with. We just sit or lie around, laugh, talk and laugh some more... and sometimes we bake. I love good company. It makes up for the lack of exciting activities. And seeing as exciting activities is a rarity - I'm glad to be related to such cool people who I'm around all the time.

I'm feeling very drowsy. But I want to stay up and hang with my family some more.






Monday, December 26, 2011

The Cookie Recipe

A reader of mine (omg I can say that! LOL) - ReaderWriter saw my cookies I posted here and was curious of the recipe. So here it be! :) (I got it off my sister fyi)

It's a giant cookie recipe so you can either make a giant cookie or split them into smaller bits to make any sized cookies you want!

225g butter, softened
3/4 Cup white sugar
3/4 Cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs
2 1/4 Cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 Cups chocolate chips

Method.

1) Beat the butter, white and brown sugar and vanilla until light and fluffy.

2) Add eggs one at a time - beating well after each.

3) Gradually add flour, salt and baking soda, beating well until blended. (It says gradually but I just dumped the whole lot in. lol)

4) Stir in chocolate chips (I do this by hand. I don't know if you have to.)

Spread across a baking or pizza tray to make a giant cookie to slice up or make little thick pancake shaped things to make smaller cookies. The cookie spreads out quite a bit.

Oh and 190°C for 20-25 mins. (I use 175 because I'm scared of burn. LOL So I've never actually used 190. But you know your oven so just fiddle and work with it. And if you're making smaller cookies, check at 15 mins to make sure they haven't burnt. The smaller the cookies, the less time required I think...)


Okay, there it is. Sorry it's not very detailed but I condensed it to write and save on my phone and I just added in what I thought from experience.


Refer to this blog post where I blogged about this cookie recipe. LOL

So This Was Christmas

It was a merry Christmas. Family and food. Lots of both. It's the day after and I'm still enjoying company of two of my cousins. Christmas is so good at bringing families together - like funerals, except everyone's alive and not mourning.

It was the biggest Christmas we've had at our house with more people and food than ever before! One thing I noticed was that there were so many children that I was included in the older people group. I felt so grown up. Not being chased to bed early or told to go away from the drinking, dancing, laughing party. No. I was allowed to be there. To watch and laugh at my crazy family.

Lot's of photos were taken and not all were permitted to make it onto the world wide web (sadly).

Thank you Jesus for your great gift - a holiday in which the whole world is allowed the day off. Hehe

It's late but, Merry Christmas from Laura Toailoa! :)

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Silent Night

I didn't post yesterday sadly. I really did hope to post a Christmas Eve post. But yesterday was a day of final cleaning, decorating blah blah blah. Even when I wasn't doing anything, I felt like I had to be on alert to be assigned a job so no time to blog.

It's 3:11 right now and everyone is tucked in bed, deep in slumber (except for a certain brother and cousins at my cousin's house who ditched me and are watching Super 8. Punks).

Living room: decorated
Christmas music: on low
Disturbing noise level: zero
Cookies: cooking in the oven

Here are the ones already out of the oven:



I'm savouring every hour I have in this living room in it's current state. Tomorrow (or rather, today), it will be filled with family, chatter, laughter, busy-ness, food and activities. Presents will be exchanged, food will be demolished and memories created. Followed closely by a mass cleanup. But I'm trying not to think about that. As much as I'm looking forward to excitement, I crave peace and quiet very easily. So I delight in it now.

In this quiet, I'm able to remember the reason for the season. Christmas is a loud kind of holiday. Lots of doing doing doing. Things are always happening till the new year. Shopping, decorating, planning, cooking with everything happening right up to the last minute. But sitting here in the quiet of the night, I can sit and think about Jesus. The man of the hour. The God who became a baby to become a man who redeemed every human. I'm so familiar with the story that I can easily become complacent. Like blah blah blah Jesus in the manger blah blah blah. But the gospel (literally translating into 'good news') shouldn't be brushed over with such a blasé attitude. 


Thank you Jesus for such a loving act. Sitting here with you, eating cookies and drinking milk makes this a very
special Christmas. 


Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! I hope you and your loved ones have a gay old time.

Friday, December 23, 2011

I Feel Better

Being away from home for ages makes me very homesick. And by ages, I mean more than 4 hours. So I got home at about 11pm I'm really tired. Things annoyed me asap when I got home. One of the things being my messy room. I was being irrational, I know.

I lay in bed for a while lying in my distress about to cry (dramatic much?). But one thing I really don't like is whinging. I'm so impatient when it comes to whingers. However, I'm one of the biggest whingers I know so I was not only on the verge of tears, I was mad at myself for acting like a lil' brat.

So another more level-headed part of me told myself to stop. Just stop. Stop whinging, stop being mad at myself, stop being mad at the world and get up. Physically get up from the horizontal position and go and shower. It seems simple enough but boy that was a very hard thing to do.

When one is upset, one simply wants to lay in thy self's pity and wait for time to pass and hopefully takes one's pains away. But this was not the time for that. This was the time to slap one's self in the face and tell one's self to help thy very self.

And so I got up and showered. The shower provided the remedy like I knew it would. So with my clean self, clean hair, fresh face and brushed teeth. One can sit here blogging with a towel wrapped around her head and an ie sulu 'ao'ao and be calm.

I think I'll sleep sound tonight - even if it is in a messy room...

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Life Life Life Life .... Sounds Like "Flyfe"

Things in this life do not last forever. Things break, people die, time moves on. Moments become memories and experiences become lessons learned.

We've all heard a saying along the lines of don't worry about the pain, it'll pass. Most of the time, I actually hold true to that. When something sucky happens, I can almost always be comforted by the fact that it'll pass. When some embarrassing happens, I tell myself how great of a story it'll be. When something good happens, I want to take lots of photos to remember it in the future.

I am very much aware that things don't last forever. My problem is, I also know that the good times don't last forvever either. So I never indulge myself too much during the good times because in my head, I know it'll pass. And that's not a great way to live. I know that in theory, but I still don't KNOW know it.

The thing I like about living is learning stuff. I know lots of lessons in theory. I know what I should or should not do. But don't you just love having an experience that actually opens your eyes to what you already knew? Like, actually seeing how much your parents love you, or how blessed you are to have good people in your life.

One lesson that I'm currently learning is to let go of what I cannot change. It'll only make me more miserable. I have some regrets that I keep going over in my head and imagining what I could've done differently and how I could be happier. There's nothing healthy or satisfying about thinking about that.

I have to accept it. Simple. But not easy. There are some things I've done that I've accepted and move forward from, so this thing hammering at my head should be treated likewise. Because that's just it. It's in my head. Nothing external is holding me back. The battle is in my head. And the bad will not win. I won't let it.

You shouldn't either.

This post has deviated from where I intended, but that's common amongst blogs right? .... Right?!

If you have fast internet and 4 minutes to spare:

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

First Day Of Christmas

I have no idea where the 12 Days Of Christmas come from or what that even means, but today has been the first day where I got slightly excited about Christmas.

I finished decorating the tree. I have no idea why, but it seems to be the silent rule at my house that I'm the one to do the tree. Odd. Ahh well, I've been doing little by little every day because I really wasn't feeling all the inspired to do it. But it's done and there are some presents underneath and I'm slowly feelin' the buzz.



What gets me excited about Christmas is being with my family. But this year, three of my sisters, my brother-in-law and niece won't be here and that just dulls things a little. For compensation though, there'll be a whole lot of cousins and aunties and uncles. I have no idea where everyone is gonna fit but I suppose we'll manage.

Every year for the past five-ish years, our family does secret santa. And I'm relieved that my person was fairly easy and I sincerely hope they love their present (because I sure do!).

This week will have more days of decorating and cleaning up the house a bit. I hope to make it not feel like such a chore.

Also, I tried to make my nails "Christmassy". The quality of the photo is really not good but my camera's battery died right after the photo of the tree was taken so I had to use the web-cam to take a photo of my nails. But you get the idea right?

Monday, December 19, 2011

Reading A Book

And getting near the end of the book, wanting to hurry and find out how it ends but wanting also to savour each page knowing it'll be finished soon. 
So I forced myself to get away from the book lest I rush through to the end.


Reading in detail about battle is so gross. Call me a girl, but picturing beheading, flesh being tore, blood everywhere makes me cringe. I actually skim these parts. Missing chunks at a time sometimes. Paolini just describes is so vividly. Erlgh...

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Rules Are Made To Be Broken

...well, I do not actually live by that, but it makes for a catchy blog title. I've accidentally written one too many blogs and now I'm just confused. Now the rest of my blog will have nothing to do with the title.

I've finished watching a film and one of the characters was an old man who was a writer for Hollywood films. He'd talk about the golden days and how there were no blockbusters, or special effects team, or box office tallies rolling in every day etc. And that got me thinking.

No I wasn't alive back in Hollywood's early years and I haven't a fully educated opinion on it, but from what I gather, actors and actresses were like artists. The moving pictures were their art. They were respected. They were respectable.

But now what? What happened to them? I think, nothing. Well, not much. I think most Hollywood actors and actresses still take their profession seriously. They still consider their work art. But it's us who are changing them. The media sticks their nose into their private lives and we pay to read it, watch it and know more. We exploit movie stars, television and reality stars (although, the reality stars are kinda asking for it, so let's rule them out).

We see people on screen playing a character we so admire in a story we absolutely love and we somehow think that gives us the right to delve into their private life to know more about them? Their dating, marriage and divorce. Their meltdown, their arrest, their rehabilitation. Their outfit for the day, the places they eat etc etc etc etc. It's like the 2 hour film was not enough for us and we just need a fix from them once more.

Or is it just me?..... I've made a point to do it less and less until not at all. I don't want to hear about what their nights out and if they got absolutely smashed. I want to watch their work and hear them in interviews if they want to speak. But no more spying on them through the media.

On a kind of related note, what is it about English actors and actresses that make me like them a whole lot more than others? It's not just the accent - it's what they say. I just love it.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

If Tomorrow Never Comes

First of all, I just want to clear up that I have NOT been diagnosed with a terminal illness (or any illness for that matter) nor am I contemplating suicide. Just sayin'. Don't get freaked out. I'm not gonna die on purpose. (Unless I'm taking a bullet for you - cos I'd die for a brother. Peace wat!)


If I die in the near future of writing this, I'm just putting it out there to not mourn TOO much. It's natural to mourn over the death of a loved one. And it's worse the younger that loved one is.

But after you've dried your tears (there had better be tears) and you're ready to listen to reason, know that any future I had on earth does not even come close to what is in Heaven. The 21st that never happened, the university life I'd never experienced, the career that never flourished, the family that never was. Missing out on those amazing milestones is but a small sacrifice to what I'll be rewarded with. Know that I haven't disintegrated into nothingness in the vapour of the clouds in the sky. I'm living a full life - the human's innermost desperate desires, it's covered.

Don't wear black, don't stop your life. Don't give me a stressful funeral that cost billions of dollars you don't have. And the gravestone thingy better be affordable. I mean, you can splash out if you really wanna, or you can just not get one at all. You're gonna be the one's who live with it (lol pun). Do what you please - if it really pleases.

Cry because you'll miss me and we won't hang out for ages and you won't hear my crack up jokes. But don't cry for me (Argentina. You were thinking it!). Cos I'll be livin' it up. More than I ever could on Earth.

Know that what makes me happy is that you would reach the last morning stage asap. Know that you'll still have my blogs to keep reading if ya still wanna piece of me. Somebody knows my blogger password if you really wanna read my unpublished stuff (but only till I'm gone, please?).

I have not left any P.S I Love You styled stuff so what you see is what you get homies. Soz.

Peace owt homie!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Nocturnal

I missed a blog post the other day and this is the one to make up for it.

I love night time. Not to do with the moon or stars or anything, but night time is when I feel most... alive! It's highly likely that this is due to my bad sleeping patterns (or lack thereof) but I love being alive during the night.

Night time is when I want to do chores more often. I love cleaning my room in the late hours of the night, or washing the dishes, or re-organising my things.

Night time is when I have the most blog ideas. It's when my mind just thinks and thinks and thinks and thinks.

Night time is when I can talk to God. Not just talk, but listen too.

Night time is when I like watching movies or Doctor Who.

Night time is when I like to make lists of what I need to do/buy.

Night time is the best time of the day.

When my cousin lived with us, we used to be nocturnal all the time. One night, we just sat on the swing chair outside till 6 in the morning.

The day time is too loud, too busy to want to do things.

I like night time when everyone's sleep, my world has gone quiet and I'm able to go about my business without being disturbed.

So yeah, I like night time.

Woes Of A Poor Baker

Warning: I complain.

I always feel like I'm committing the greatest sin in life when I think of what if's.... I'm supposed to be thankful of what I have. And I am. But it's when I wanna do something fun and creative, my lack of disposable cash is just not up to scratch, and that saddens me.

For (a long) example, I want to bake all these beautiful treats I discover during web surfing, but alas, my resources are limited to flour, sugar, milk, and eggs (and sometimes, not even these). Butter is only bought if I need to bake something or if mum and dad take pity on me.  Amongst my friends, I'm one of the go-to people if anyone needs baking. So cupcakes and brownies are what I turn to. They're easy, require minimal ingredients and are quick to make.

But I'm getting tired of making the same ol' same ol'. I want to be excited again. I don't mind making stuff for other peeps, but I want that to be balanced out with a little fun for me. Discovering a new recipe excites me. But if it exceeds my resource list above, I drop out of cloud nine faster than I can devour a cupcake.

What if I just had a pantry full of exciting ingredients daring me to bake something new and adventurous. What if every week I tasted something I've never made before? What if I made more than just cupcakes and brownies all the time.

In saying that, I think I'm going to go make some shortbread now. It the easiest recipe I know, (it doesn't even need eggs) and I just feel like making something.

I don't care how pretty you are anymore, you're still just vanilla cupcakes to me!

Today Was Not A Fairytale

I'm on a mission to Blog Every Day in December (BEDD) but I missed on the day before yesterday so I planned to do TWO yesterday to make up for it but I struggled. I had to wait till a computer was available but the few times it was, I had nothing to say. So now it's 1:05am and everyone is asleep and I've finished a day, I have something to write, finally.

I woke up today at around 8:00am which, if you knew me was a big thing. During the holidays, I tend to wake up much, much later. Because I started the day so early (by my standards) the day seemed longer, and frankly, it felt like time dragged it's lazy feet along.

I regretted waking up so early. Perhaps if the weather was a bit more activity friendly, I would've done stuff like do my washing, walk to the park, walk to Clendon shopping centre etc. I felt like I wasn't missing out on much and I'd better off being asleep.

I went to the mall to buy my secret santa person's present and MAN finding a parking space was intense. So many cars prowling around looking for shoppers leaving the mall to pounce on. The mall had a lot of people in it and the shops felt very crowded. At least I found what I was looking for and time spent there was only an hour. Time flies when you're scouting the Chinese stores for decorating stuffs.

I'm really tired and I'm getting up fairly early tomorrow to ice the cupcakes that need to be taken to a birthday and I don't know when he party starts so I want to have them prepared asap. Okay. Yes.

I'm glad the day is over, but I also kinda regret for not trying to make the day better. I let the weather influence my mood too much. Better effort tomorrow yes? Yes.

:)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

This Is My Therapy

Internet died yesterday. It's alive now. Let's get down to business, I don't got no time to play around, what is this? Must be a circus in town, let's shut the thing down on these clowns, can I get a witness?

Hi.



Writing is so liberating. Even if I don't publish it on my blog and write it on a piece of refill. It's such a relieving activity and I thank the Lord that I'm literate. Seriously.

Writing things is an amazing way for me to exert a lot of emotions without having to justify myself. There's absolutely no judgement from my piece of paper and I don't have to be pitied. It's just me, God and my words. I've kept diaries before and they served me well. When I look back at them and read my past entries, I'm very glad that I kept them to myself. I'm so embarrassed by most of it.

But writing is amazing therapy.




P.S I could never be happy with a typewriter.
I'm a serial backspacer and cross-outer.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Good Day

One thing can ruin an (almost) perfectly good day. Just one thing. It can be small, it can be big, but if you let it, it'll make you forget about all the good stuff. 

So this is me remembering all the good stuff and telling that bad thing to bugger off because I won't let it make today a bad day. 

1) Watching the niece being cute and capturing evidence her cuteness




2) Going to the Auckland Telesa Book Launch. Meeting Sleepless in her physical form was so cool. Kiki's dance was enchanting. The poem reading was amazing and the refreshments were really flash. And meeting Sleepless was so cool! 


It's her! The real her!
Kiki duin' her dance beautifully



Signing my sister's copy. 

3) Hanging out at youth for the last time this year. After two intense team games, it was just sitting around, eating and chilling. I have nothing to do now on Tuesday nights....

Hardcore football discussion while Joel sits on the side trying not to be bored
Me and Aimee's first photo together. I didn't upload it on  fb ;)






In conclusion Laura, you have had a lovely day and you shall remember the good from it. The good conversations and the fun company.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Random Little Tales

I wrote some pretty sweet blog ideas on a piece of paper but I don't know where it is and I'm not that motivated to find it, so I'll just come up with another idea hopefully in the next five minutes...


[more than five minutes later....]


A friend of mine recently gave me a gift that was so simple but I absolutely adored - developed photos of us. How freakin' cool is that?! Cos seriously, what average joe does that anymore? With the internet at our fingertips, we can share photos with a press of a button. We can share hundreds and even thousands of photos with everyone. I know of people who develop only special photos that are deemed worthy for a photo album (like wedding photos, baby photos etc). So to me, the gift of actual printed photographs was just so amazing.

I love them. LOVE them.

On an unrelated note (because my spiel on photos was much shorter than I planned), I woke up very early this morning (around 7:30) to go to my friend's house to bake and hang out. I got there at around 8:30 and was still very very tired so I just joined her in her room to have a sleep. I then woke up at around 1:00 to commence our baking. I just love having friends where you've past the point of being polite all the time. Just rocked up to her house only to fall sleep again. Yes, I like that indeed.

Also, I'm seeing Sleepless tomorrow - IN PERSON! Wooaahh!!!.... (exciting much?  VERY MUCH!!). Note to self: act very very cool. VERY cool. And not your type of cool. The socially accepted cool that the majority of the western world deems cool. That cool.


Goodnight! :)

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Instincts

As animals, we humans have instincts. Instincts of hunger, self-preservation, sexual attraction etc. Some people get a thrill on acting upon these instincts. It's wild, it's spontaneous - you just do it.

But it's those who fight these instincts that really build character so strong and beautiful. Like, giving up your food for someone else even when you're really really hungry. Risking or giving up your life for a friend. Choosing fidelity when that pretty lad/lady gave you that look. Something my brother said about being angry (paraphrasing) - it doesn't matter that you are. What matters is what happens after.

It's the acts against instincts that make a hero, really. Someone who does not let their feelings control them. Someone who acknowledges what they're feeling but choosing not to act blindly on it. Harry, who walked into death willingly for the sake of his friends. The peeps from church who fasted stuff they really loved to hang out with God more. Those faithful spouses who have stayed true to their wedding vows.

I don't know about you, but there is something so beautiful about someone who becomes more than what their feelings dictate.

..... wow, this is much shorter than I anticipated.... huh....

Teacher (3)

INTENSE CLOSE UP. lol
It was early, there are grammar errors. I planned on using what I said to write a blog but meh, change my mind.


Oh, and I missed another day of BEDD.Woops. This post so counts :P

Friday, December 9, 2011

Change Is Hard


Facebook has, YouTube has, even Blogger (although, I did not adhere). Internet website IT worker people will always look for ways to "improve" their sites - new features, more user friendly and other techy things that they know how to improve.

However, we humans aren't very accepting when it comes to change. It rocks our cruising boat. We don't want to learn how to navigate a new interface. We like the stuff we know, stuff we can navigate absent mindedly. So when a certain website introduces the "timeline" layout - statuses burst with angry rants at the website administrators (who I'm sure saw the messages).

But you know what? If you really hated it, you'd leave. If not, you'll get over it. Remember when we were all on Bebo and there was an uproar when they upgraded? Well, that died down when we got used to it and realised we're not unadaptable bimbos and will not die because of the change.

I mean, I'm hesitant to accept the "timeline" feature and I'm just waiting until they force it upon me. But I know that once I find my feet, all will be well. Unless everyone leaves the site then I'll be left with no one and have to follow them to a new home.

Be strong, I know the "timeline" seems like an apocalypse, but we must be strong. Hold on to the hope that things will be okay. The point of facebook was to connect people right? Well, if we stay connected through this grueling transition, we will pull through. United we stand, divided we fall.

Kia Kaha.
Cheers :)

Failure

I missed posting a blog yesterday. And for that, I'm very sorry. Not in an apologetic way, just sorrowful. Because to me, that counts as failure. Failing at carrying out something I said I would. But failure certainly does not mean that we stop. We find our feet and awkwardly hobble until we've found the rhythm again.

Doctor Who is one of those television shows where it's really fun to look out for the theme of the episode. I love it. It's underlying references to human behavior and how we treat each other. In the midst of the aliens, time and space travelling and fighting bad guys, Doctor Who has an amazing way of communicating friendship, sacrifice, and shows what humans are capable of - good and bad.

Sure I enjoy rom-coms here and there - but it's these kind of shows that really get my attention. Episodes I can watch over and over and share quotes on fb. I love the banter, the jokes, and epic speeches from Doctor Who.

I bet if this show came on TV2 - way more people would be into it. But alas, it only airs on Prime and UKTV. And seriously, who in New Zealand watches these channels? (Except for when Doctor Who or The Weakest Link is on).

Doctor Who makes me think and question. Laugh and at times, cry. But mostly, I'm just impressed at how cool the doctor is.

"There's one thing you never put in a trap if you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow — there's one thing you never EVER put in a trap... me."

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Ladies - We've All Done It...

A picture may speak a thousand words but sometimes, it takes a thousand pictures to say what we want to say. Or rather, show what we want to show. So we take a thousand shots to get it right. However the more people in the photo, the greater the chance that there will objections on whether or not to upload the photo on fb.

This is Olivia and I. And why yes, we are hip.














 We finally settled on this one. Half because we deemed it acceptable and half because my palm was getting hot and melting the icing.


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Competitiveness

I like to win. And by like, I mean, love. And it's not really the winning that I love but rather the NOT losing. I hate losing. Yeah, that's it. I find it very hard to deal with.

I'm a very proud person and being humbled in such a way as losing takes a hard knock on my pride. Which may be the reason why I'm so flippin' competitive. Now, I'm not competitive in physical activities because I just don't think I'll win. I mean, I'm not exactly a sport fanatic. I can do some physical activities for fun...

But what I AM good at are indoor sitting-down activities - like puzzles, charades, pictionary, board games etc. So I'm that arse that ruins the fun of the game because I so badly need to win. Winning's fun though, right? I wonder if there's a convention where competitive boardgamers gather and try to annihilate each other. Lots of hard feelings and no broken friendships.

There is ONE board game that I can play for pure fun is Cranium. All the little activities that make you interact with your team mates and watching the other team play and enjoy themselves really makes for a lot of fun. Play cranium. Do it. Do it.

Today I lost to scrabble and it crushed me. I think it's time to train and challenge for a re-match next year... Hmm.... yes, sounds like a plan.

Hi, I'm Laura, do you wanna play a board game with me? :)

Monday, December 5, 2011

Commitment

Today has not ended on a very high note, I'm still currently in a not-good place that I very nearly didn't publish a blog post. I'm stressed about something that I recognise as a little thing but it's the ill-preparation and the falling apart of plans that is freaking me out. I don't want to sleep because I have not got a solution yet. I can't rest. Nope.

Where's the line between being committed and reliable to stressing yourself over things that you can just back away from? Right now, I don't feel like having friends over tomorrow, I don't feel like blogging, I don't feel like being conscious, I just wanna go into a room where time stops and lets you rest for as long as you want.

It's times like this where I rely on God to give me the peace I so desperately need. The peace of knowing that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. The peace of knowing he hears the needy cry of my heart. The peace of knowing that although I have no solution whatsoever, he'll bring me through it.

You see, my problem is that when I have plans, I intend to stick to them by the book. None of this spontaneous, go-with-the-flow kind of business. No. I have bullets points and sub-headings that organise my thoughts and calm me down. When things do not get ticked off the list, I panic.

I hate being thrown in the deep end and to think on my feet. But hey, character development right? 

*deep breath*

I still don't know what to do. Maybe I'm not meant to do anything....


Added in after publishing: I accidentally pushed "PUBLISH POST" without proof-reading or choosing a better suited blog title. That's all. 

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Where Did The Time Go?

Bad time management is the reason for my very late upload of a blog for BEDD. Bad time management means, even though I really have to pee, I have 15 minutes to publish something before the deadline and I don't wanna waste any precious time.

I was meant to bake mother a cake for her to take to work and I put it off to watch television and I only remembered now.

Being ill-prepared has made this project feel like a chore instead of fun (and it's only the fourth day). This whole BEDD thing was supposed to be a fun way to train up my commitment and time management. But I ruin the fun every time I'm being slack.

Oh hang on, here's something I did today, I made a pancake. A baked one. In a cake tin. So it's a pancake cake. Strawberry flavoured. Recipe given to me by my sister who is my source of good recipes (seriously people, if I've ever made you something delicious, it's really from her). She gives me the recipes that require minimal skill but deliver good stuff.

Have a look:

This was my favourite part

Before going into the oven
Bake till golden
That's how the recipe said to do it. And I always listen to the recipe.
 OH AND ALSO:


Check out the size difference! Woahh...

Now I have to go make one for mum.... Bye! :)

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Jessenator

When I started BEDD two days ago, I figured I'd use my holiday activities to share. However, I realised how mundane my activities are on a day-to-day basis. I mean, it suits me well - I love the quiet life. It just doesn't make for good blogging material.

However, one person who I usually share my mundane holiday activities is the brother. He is my favourite brother (and he may or may not be the only one). He makes stuff like washing the dishes and watching movies a billion times more enjoyable (esp. when the movie is the Matrix and we pause every now and then so he can fully explain to me what the heck everything means).

Things like frying eggs and eating fried eggs is so much better when we do it together (ew, did I just use that sentence?)He's the funniest male I know in person. Ever. Like, yeah. He's HILARIOUS. He makes the funniest jokes out of the stupidest concepts (and I take no part in that. Nope. Not me). He makes me laugh like no one does (because humour is too obscure).

And the old man is getting himself married next year and the thought both excites and saddens me. It'll mean he's grown up and being a adult and all away from his family. His new family will be Amy and his time is gonna primarily belong to him and her. Which kinda sucks for little sister me who pretty relies on him every day to entertain me.

So yeah, he's the coolest brother and I'm glad I'm related to him because if I weren't, I bet I'd wanna be his friend but he'll be too old and cool to hang out with a girl four years younger than him. So yuss! He's my friend by default - I don't have to try.

Some would say that talking about my brother is just a filler because I forgot about BEDD till now. Well you know what?! That.... is not entirely false. BUT I meant what I said and I said what I meant. And an elephant's faithful one hundred percent.

Jesse being this cool makes me hope that when Bubbles is a little older and likes conversing with me, I can be that cool older sister for her (I do think I'm her favourite sibling already).

P.S Jesse if you read this, don't get all awkward heart-felt-y on me in person. We reserve mush for blogs and fb messages only k? Cool bro.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Things Get Better... Just Not For Now

Reaching the wise old age of 17, I am surrounded by people who say how much they miss being in year nine, or in primary school because life was so uncomplicated and easy then and life is so much harder now.

But to me, life has never felt easy and uncomplicated. I mean, yeah it's easy now looking at my 6-year-old problems with my 17-year-old brain. But using my 6-year-old brain to solve my problems made things difficult. I remember feeling anxiety about homework when I was in year 3. I did it but I'd lost my book. And I nearly died from the panic of what my teacher would say. To me, that feeling still comes when I'm doing an all-nighter the night before an assignment is due.

When I was younger, I was slightly self-concious about my appearance. Yes, I was aware that some people measured a person's worth based on appearance and I wanted to be measured well by those people.

When I was in year one, my bottle of soda I took to school spilled in my schoolbag leaving it smelly and sticky. I panicked because I didn't want any adults to find out in case I got into trouble but I had no idea how I was supposed to clean it up. So I just hid it from people's eyes and every time books or paper went into my bag, they were ruined from my wet, rotten-raspberry soda flavoured backpack. I swear, I felt like I was in crisis.

My problems I experienced as a younger child looks so trivial now that when my younger sister has problems like this, I so easily brush her off and say "oh, it's nothing. Just fix it, easy as, go away. Sssh!". But to a child, their problems are massive. They haven't experienced any worse so to them, this is as bad as it gets. My sister doesn't have my level of problem solving skills and me fobbing her off certainly isn't helping.

When I was in year... four I think it was, I was living in Samoa and at school, there was this boy I really really liked (by memory, he looked like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. But that was about 8 years ago memories get less and less accurate every time you think about it and the longer amount of time since the memory was formed). His desk was next to mine in class (due to a seating plan) and I couldn't believe my luck. One lunchtime, he called me fat, laughed with his friends and from that day on, I just was just EXTREMELY embarrassed to be around him. And by the way, Samoans are the worst mockers so I didn't enjoy that very much. Yeah I'm over it now and I don't even remember the guy's name but I do remember how painful that was for me. That pain was real. And it hurt. A lot.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that don't be so quick to turn away from people's trivial problems. I mean, yeah, some things aren't worth the fuss but sometimes you have to put on someone else's shoes, tie the shoe laces and walk around in them. Relative to the universe, every one of our problems is trivial, but relative to one person's world, their problem is ginormous. So before judging or helping them, just understand that their hurt is real. Be sympathetic or empathetic (whatever works for them) but know that no matter how much you tell them things are gonna get better in the future, the present is where they're at and things suck for them. 

Or maybe it's just me but when I'm sad, mad, or glad (okay, not the last one but rhyming's fun), I don't like thinking about the future. I just think about the hurt and how much it sucks. And I think we all need to take a moment (or five) to identify the suckness of things and face it asap. Even if facing it means crying about it. Then and only then can one look to the future and start the whole getting over it process.

I don't even know if I kept on topic. I'll just proof-read.

*after reading it*

Yeah, should be fine. Aiite. 

Day two of BEDD. 

Over and out.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Friends In BEDD

Seeing as school is over, I have no plans virtually every day. So I decided to take on a project which I'm naming Blog Every Day Of December. I've seen vloggers do this so I thought I'd do the same with my blog.

And I'm making a note now that I intend on writing good content this month unlike some vloggers who upload videos talking about how they nothing to talk about but they upload it anyway because of their commitment. But that won't happen here.

Nek Minnit. One sentence blog.


Hopefully not. 

On that note, I better writing something other than an introduction eh?

I've blogged about this topic a few times before but my topic for today: Friends. And I'm not talking about the television show (although, I do like that show!). I've blogged about friends more than I have about the Biebs, nails, Paramore and Twilight (as you can see according to the sizes of the words on the right), and I'm just gonna make the "friends" just a lil' bit bigger.

I've made some new friends and gotten to know others a bit better this year. I used to not really like the thought of talking to more than say, two or three of my friends. But this year, I've branched out a lil' more and have enjoyed a good handful of friendships. Some more intimate than others (not like that!) but all were valuable.

At our lifegroup on Tueday night, we were asked what the highlight of our year has been. And I couldn't pin-point one thing. I've had so many good times this year but what I remember more than the activity itself were those who I enjoyed it with. 

Church and school are pretty much my only sources of friends (since quitting Girls Brigade) so although that may not seem like a huge population, it's heaps to me. My circles of friends have expanded and I'm so very appreciative of them.

So if you're reading this and you're my friend, I just wanna say I like you. And thanks for being my friend. And if you're not, then why the hell not? I'm a catch!

Yeah, who wouldn't wanna befriend someone who says pretentious like that? Well, at least I can back it up.

Oooh! She said that!
hahaha now I'm just having fun writing things I wouldn't say in real life because it's what I secretly think that but am not brave enough to admit it.




....that awkward moment when you think I'm serious and look at me differently.....


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Lip Service

I almost always feel weird about giving advice. I'm always weary of sounding like I'm paying lip service, while trying not to come across as a stuck-up douche. What I end up doing is removing the emotion from my voice to try and avoid sounding condescending. And then after I've spoken I realise that I sounded like I didn't actually care. So it's always an uncomfortable situation for me. Then again, it's not about me. Great, now I just sound like I think "woe is me despite your feeling of hopelessness".

So if I ever offer words of wisdom please know it's extremely difficult for me and that I DO care enough to try and get the message across as loving and sincerely as possible.

Another problem about my problem is that I then judge other people's advice-giving and wonder if they mean what they're saying. In my head, their lack of struggle that I go through proves how seamless and indifferent they must be.

Because, tbh, I don't really like cheesy cliche advice. Especially (and I cringe as I write this...) from Christians. They mean well (lol, I say "they" like I'm not one) but sometimes I'm just so intolerant of hearing the same lines repeated over and over. It gets tiring and often sounds like they're just quoting someone else's words absent-minded-ly.

I was going to post this after really praying about it. But I wanted to get my raw thinking down. Just. Yeah.

This is going to sound very contradictory (because it is), but if you have any words of wisdom, I'd appreciate them. Because as I was writing this, I've been feeling God tell me that it's not right to just shut people's words out because you've heard them before. I feel like this wall I have against people can be broken down if I let them keep talking.

So, with a doubtful heart, I don't want to shut out words of advice completely. Because I think that's the enemy's weapon against me. If I shut out all the good words, then only the bad ones filter in.

It's hard. Extremely. So hopefully by putting it out there and making it known, (to all five of you), we can beat it. Yeah?

Hopefully.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I Accidently Posted It Without A Title

If you are a faithful reader of mine, you may have noticed that before my last two posts, there was a bit of a gap where nothing was churned out of this blogging mill. The explanation for that was because I was doing a 21 Day Fast from blogger and YouTube which to me are kinda the same thing in the sense that I read/watch people talk about stuff and their lives. Yeah, I could spend hours reading and watching people talk about their lives I neglect mine.

So after 21 days of being cut off my internet friends, I logged back on and I didn't feel anything spectacular. During those 21 days I learned to live without needing to hear/read other people's words to feel like I have company. I didn't realise how much I DIDN'T need those people to be my company.

I don't even enjoy some of the blogs/YouTubers that much anymore. It's like I just liked their content because it was produced by a familiar person. Like I was being a supportive reader/viewer by liking their stuff just because it's them. And so I'm going through a unfollowing/unsubscribing stage where I just chip off the stuff I only sorta kinda like once and keep the stuff I legit like consistently.

I actually hung out with God more and saw how much I replaced him with my internet friends.

Well, that was going to be an introduction to another topic but I think I'll post it as a separate post because this has enough content as is. K thanks.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Role Models

Lots of people complain about certain celebrities and how they're bad role models to children or young people. I mean, I guess that's alright... But THEN they say how that celebrity should become a better role model.

Dear concerned parent or other random citizen with no children,
How about just NOT looking up to those people as role model. If you have the authority to, how about not allowing Hannah Montana in the house if you're children think Miley Cyrus and Hannah are the same person and don't think she's fit enough to be your child's inspiration.

Famous people have free will and they have the right to be whoever they wanna be. They're not property of the public. Well, they kinda are to us but that's because we make them. They are they're own people ya know.

I don't really think this has a good structure but whatevs.

Oh and some people think Bella is a bad role model to girls in regard to their perception on relationships. Yeah she's needy and gets bruises from him but how about just don't read Twilight/watch the movies?

Or get better role models. Not famous people. Real people who you know go through crap and come out a better person. How about those people?

Btw, this is a bit a ranty blog so I'm not in a good place to accept any rebuttal. Maybe in a week you can say if you disagree. Just not now k? Thanks.

Monday, November 21, 2011

No More School

Warning: don't read if you still have exams on. You might feel worse....

So I've just had my last exam for the year this morning and MAN it feels good to know that these next lots of weeks is mine to spend without school taking up about 6 hours a day, 5 times a week. Plus I get to sleep in and stay up (without paying for it the next morning).

Stress-level-wise, I don't feel all that relieved because during the exams, I wasn't all that stressful anyway. Which is very VERY odd for a usually panic maniac like me. But seriously, every exam has come and gone without me studying into ridiculous hours. I was confident with my what I knew and when I DID study (I did!!), I felt like they were telling me what I already knew.

Which kinda made me feel like I wasn't trying enough sometimes. Well, let's just wait for my results to see how good I actually was...

I'm really excited about all this spare time. I'll probably clean my room, make it prettier somehow and do some more baking hopefully.


Yay summer holidays!

Friday, November 4, 2011

It's Not Over Yet

Today was our Year 11 & 12 combined prizegiving. There was lots of excitement, congratulations, proud moments, and taking photos together. Lots of smiles, lots of hugging, lots of love. Even spending time with friends afterwards.

But now that it's the end of the day and I'm slowly falling from cloud nine. Exams are just around the corner and studying needs to get done.

It's not quite over yet folks! Just a few more weeks of this hard working business before reaching the light at the end of the tunnel. This was just a pit stop.

It ain't over till it's over! :)


One more congratulations to everyone who received prizes!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

I'm Nervous So I'll Blog

So tomorrow I'll be presenting a speech/seminar to my English class. Now this didn't really scare me. Till now. I've just pictured myself standing in front of the class and getting judged. Now, I don't mind the fact that they're gonna be staring at me for about five minutes - but I'm going to stand there and delivering my work that they're free to judge it.

To me, English is my least favourite subject when it comes to showing people my work. Because it's such a personal subject. In physics, I get bad marks if I answered incorrectly or miscalculated or have no idea what physics concept is goin' on. But in English, what I write is kinda what I believe in. Writing is such a personal thing that when it's judged or marked if really affects me. I'm really proud when it's good and really bummed when it's bad.

English isn't black and white and it's not clear cut what I should or should not do. So when I get things wrong, I feel very belittled.

Showing the teacher a written assignment is bad enough - but to stand in front of people and deliver it yourself - that's a whole new level. I have to stand by every single word I deliver. I'm getting a bit shaky just thinking about it.

Another side of me is telling me that I'm being silly and that people in my class have already done it and gotten it over and done with and that I could do the same. It's only going to last for about five minutes.

But that side of me is too quite and the nervous side's panic overpowers it!

Just five minutes Laura. It'll be over in five minutes.......

*deep breath*

Sunday, October 23, 2011

I Can't Insert This Into Casual Conversation

...which is one of the things I like about blogging. I can say things which seem random and out of the blue but it's okay. I can say it whenever I please and the reader reads whenever it suits them. It's a comfortable exchange.

So onto what I wanted to say:

I've watched a lot of vloggers (yes that's a "v", not a "b".) do a survey in which one of the questions were "What would you name your children?" A lot of them replied by saying they weren't even sure they'll have children.

Now I know this is a common decision. Well, actually no, I don't know. I've only seen it on television or YouTube. I don't actually know real-life people who don't want children. (well, maybe I do, but we don't talk about it. How do you bring up the subject of children without sounding like you want them with that person. Awkward.)

But I've always thought that I'd have children someday. And not in an oh-I-want-two-girls-one-boy-named- Susan-Rebecca-and-Jude way. I don't have some sort of fantasy family in mind. I just always thought of children as such a natural part of life. You eat, you poop, you sleep, you have children. I mean, we were born because our parents had children (and I don't mean that's the meaning of our existence. What I mean is that as a result of giving birth - here we are).

And maybe I only have these thoughts because as a seventeen-year-old, having children is just a concept and not an important decision I have to make right now. I know that having children is generally really inconvenient compared to a child-less life. But the thought of NOT having children is so alien to me.

I don't know if that's a good way to wrap up a post - well, I didn't wrap it up but I wanna stop in case I write something TOO weird.

Kthanksbye!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Homesick

You know, some of the best epiphanies I get are in the shower. Which sucks because I can't exactly record my thoughts as I get them so by the time I'm dry, dressed and on the laptop - I've lost it. Like right now. I remember thinking about something brilliant but it took so long for me to do two fish plaits on my hair that I just totes forgot about it. Hmmm...

Oh wait! Oh wait!! I THINK IT'S COMING BACK.....

okay.


Since watching The Orator (that Samoan movie in the cinemas), I have this feeling in me that just wants to do Samoan things. Like, wear a puletasi, siva Samoa, drink coconut (from a coconut tree that Kimoki climbed - or however he got those things). Okay, DON'T roll your eyes and tell me those aren't what real Samoans do. It's what I used to do when I lived there so that's what I miss!!

I miss Samoa so much now. Apia, Saoluafata, Lalomanu, Uakoko's shop (that's how you spell his name right family?). The only times I've gone back to Samoa have been for occasions like weddings or funerals. Don't get me wrong, those occasions are special but just once, I want to go back merely to visit (or live.... maybe....). No fa'alavelave, no stressing. Just a visit. Hang with family, go to the beach, take photos, complain about the dust and humid.

I feel so far away from Samoa. And not just physically. I feel so un-Samoan. I don't want to be that "fia palagi" because to be honest, I think sometimes I am. So I want to shun that snobby part of me and not be such a "plastic Samoan" as one of my best friends so kindly put it (shout out to you - You know who you are *stern look*).

Oh, and I don't actually own a puletasi. I used to, but I gave 'em away.


So this isn't as awesome as I remembered. I remember having something way in-depth. This post just doesn't feel - fantastic. It's just me being homesick. Home is where the heart is. And atm, my heart's in the motherland. Nevertheless, I shall publish.

Tofa soifua :)

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Late Night Writing (blog reflection time)

It's nearly midnight so I brushed my teeth and washed my face - getting ready for bed. Just after I applied my night moisturiser, I felt so... awake! I was going to read a book in bed to make me feel sleepy but I thought by the time I did feel sleepy, I'd be too tired to stand up and turn the light off. So instead, I turned the light off, reached for the laptop and now here we are. Midnight blogging in the dark.

I don't know why I find it so enjoyable but sitting here typing feels nice. I just want to type. Something. Anything. Which may mean a boring piece for you, reader. Sorry.


Last year, blogging to me felt like writing in a journal. I'd type whatever is on my mind whether it be long, short, interesting or just one sentence. lauratoailoa.blogspot.com was a place where I could put my thoughts on screen and somehow make them official. It was a really personal space.

Now however (as low as the number is), people read my blog. Actual people. Since having real-time post updates on facebook, all my fb friends who didn't use blogger could still get live feed on when I uploaded posts. Which then made my blog a bit less private.

I've noticed that as this year has progressed, I've become more audience friendly (I think) and I'm starting to be aware that the stuff I write (nonsensical or not) was going to be read. So I became more sharing and show-y and tell-y. A place where I get a message across or tell you about my life.

Which I find weird (which is weird because it's all me so why am I surprised?). I've contemplating removing that automatic facebook update and retreat back to being a semi-secret blogger but I've noticed that one or two really good friends of mine have enjoyed a lot of my posts and they only access it through fb. So I decided to leave that automatic update.

Coming to a close on this rambling of mine, I'm coming to terms to the fact that my blog may be becoming less "journal-y" and more "hey-guys-I-have-something-to-tell-you-y". But  maybe every so often I'll spill my guts here when I absolutely want to (and maybe not post it on fb) ;)

Also also also, thank you for taking the time to read this. How very nice (or nosey) of you :P

Thursday, October 13, 2011

My Friends

If you've followed my blog since last year or read my posts in my archive, you would've read this post. If you haven't, it was basically a post about friends and how I didn't have many. Now I wasn't a loner who no one talked to. I just had many acquaintances who I didn't consider as friends. My lack of friends caused me to be slightly clingy to particular people (ok fine - person) who I then got all attached to; and not in a good healthy platonic way. Yeah.... you know.... the other kind.

BUUUT that is not what I want to draw your attention to (goodness no). What I DO want to highlight is the amount of friends I have now. You see, last year, I created this mental criteria of what it means to be a friend. I cataloged the people I knew into friends, acquaintances, family and others.

Since then, I have broadened my definition. There was something someone said to me and he only mentioned it in passing but I never forgot. He said that though we were not close friends, we were still friends. Which got me thinking...

Friendship is a continuous variable. There are different levels of closeness (so to speak). I don't really know how to explain, but I consider a heap of people my friends now. I think I have lots of friends. Who I like very much and who make me happy - and I hope I do the same for them.

There are people who I've gotten to know more this year after knowing them for a long while before. But yeah, here's a shout out to all my friends.

All five billion of you ;)

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Being Human (I don't like that title)

Some people see the world without much emotion. It's like finding the scientific explanation to things makes them less beautiful because we know how it operates.

"A rainbow is an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky when the Sun shines on to droplets of moisture in the Earth's atmosphere. It takes the form of a multicoloured arc. 
Rainbows caused by sunlight always appear in the section of sky directly opposite the sun." - Wiki

Knowing this doesn't make it any less beautiful. And when there's a double rainbow, it's doubly awesome.

People do this with human emotions and behaviour too. We dissect things to find the scientific explanation like chemical triggers in the brain. People can explain why romance and chocolate make you feel the same kind of satisfaction. But that doesn't make either thing less enjoyable (shut up about the example k?).

Science is fascinating (right?!) but we shouldn't let it replace the beauty of life. The stars were pretty bright dots before we knew it was a  "massive, luminous ball of plasma held together by gravity.". It's beautiful even now that we know.

All animals have sex and babies. But humans adopt other babies - from across the world. After years of paperwork and paying a heap of money and waiting in a super long waiting list and being interviewed intensely about the type of home they can provide. That isn't instinct. That's commitment. 

When the going gets tough or depressing, humans keep going. We choose to do what doesn't feel so good if we think it's right. There may be some scientific explanation but it's still amazing.

Like getting halfway through Zumba and feeling like your insides are about to spill out of your sides but choosing to keep going and do the whole 50 mins. Like forgiving someone who broke a promise, who lied, who told your colouring in intermediate school was ugly. Like being selfless and giving. 

I believe that this capacity to do what seems contrary to our instincts is God given. We humans are special vessels that He can operate through. We can show goodness and kindness because He does through us.  Those times that I hate people - it's He who reminds me of His great love for me and for that person. He reminds me that He's expanded my capacity to love to reach those who I feel don't deserve it. He reminded me that it isn't up to me to decide who deserves love. He made enough for everyone and I shouldn't deprive them of it. He reminded me that He loved me when I ignored him for a week. I wouldn't read his letters or talk to him except for that time I needed him.

I don't know how to end this blog and it didn't really go where I initially intended. But I'll stop now because I'm tired and if I don't publish this now, I may read it tomorrow, second guess myself and not publish it at all. Which is happening already... argh.. PUBLISH!! okay....

Study Break

Today is a Saturday and the first day of our two-week holiday study break. Boy I'm glad that there's no school for two weeks. However, this relief is tainted with the prospect of two weeks of studying for end-of-year-exams. Five exams with three or four papers in each.

But I will stay positive - set daily goals of what needs to done and not think of it as dull and feet dragging. *mental note to blog about learning*

So to enter this two week study break, I'll be positive and determined. Here are study-friendly things I do to make studying a little more bearable. Note: it might not work for you - it's just my thang.

1. Make a study playlist. I know everyone's different but I and a large number of the human race like working to music. So I like to compile a music playlist. When I'm working on math or physics, I can listen to pretty much any music. The lyrics don't distract me from working with numbers. However, studying for other subjects is difficult with lyrics so I like to listen to orchestral music from movies. Favourites include Dr Who, LOTR, Lion King and the Muse song with the long "E" word in the title.

2. Work in a clean environment. Clean and neat. Also quite. Having a cluttered and noisy environment is distracting. Being in a tidy room helps focus my mind to my work.

3. Do past exams. It'll highlight what you don't know and what you need to study more on. Study the stuff you have to and try another paper. Repeat till you're confident with answering all the questions.

4. Do fun things in the day. Keep your life and don't pressure yourself too much. Work but don't overwhelm yourself. There's gotta be a balance no work is as uneffective as too much work that gets too much that you won't be able to remember anything come the exam.

5. Oh and also study groups are helpful. But that depends on the person. You'll know whether you're the type of person that'll just hang out with the 'study group' and not do any work.

6. GET OFF MY BLOGSPOT AND FACEBOOK. It helps - believe it or not.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Inbox, Coffee, Hair and Plastic Bags

I had 6902 messages in my inbox.

I deleted them overnight.

When I woke up only 4015 messages had been deleted.

Wow that took ages right?










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Drinking coffee out of a milo mug - like a boss.

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That looks pretty mint right? It took so many fail shots to get these three decent ones. It's hard taking a photo of the back of your head until I finally remembered about the self-timer setting. That's right, I'm cool.

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SCENARIO: You've just been grocery shopping and now you're stuck with a bunch of empty clean plastic bags. What in the world are you supposed to do with these?? DO NOT FEAR my friend. I will, humbly, lend you my secret.
FOLD, FOLD, FOLD!
 It minimises the amount of space it takes up. It's easy to store and if ever you need a plastic bag, it won't be ugly and crinkly from that time you did a half-hearted scrunch and tucked it into some random drawer.



This was random and I hope you liked it :)