Thursday, June 23, 2011


When I get a thought just as I'm about to fall asleep, and it's a thought that has blown into a blog-type thought, I'm almost always too tired to get up out of bed and write it down. So now, I just use my phone as a voice recorder and I narrate my thoughts to myself. Now this is one of the most unnatural feeling things I've ever done. First, I can't talk too loud in case people in my house will hear me and come in my room wondering who I'm talking to, only to find out I'm talking to myself. Then not only will I be embarrassed, but my recording will be ruined and I do not want to store my embarrassment so I'll delete it and it'll be a waste. Second of all, when I play it back, it sounds funny. It's not good quality and you can hear my breathing because I hold my phone close to mouth so I don't have to speak loudly. 

One thing that I'm trying to wrap my head around is people can disagree with me. It's bizzare. Sometimes, people just don't see things the way I do. And I think to myself "Are you blind?! Seriously?! Like, what's your problem?" But it's a two way thing. I can't see things from their perspective. But in the moment when anger starts to flare up, I'm the one who becomes blinded. I'm the one consumed in my own point of view, refusing to budge. Yeah, that's what I find hard to cope with. Benefit of the doubt is sometimes the hardest thing to give.

A lot of the time, when I get nervous, I talk too much. And I don't like it. I wish I could just my brain down and shut my mouth. Because sometimes I wished I would've sat in an awkward silence then have filled it with nonsensical gibberish. 

When I say things in my head, I'm so confident. My voice is loud, clear and bold. I mentally rehearse my words and I love them. Then I open my mouth and the words seem to tumble out and trip up on each other. I then get very flushed and start fumbling with something. 

I've recently got into U2 (Mostly their famous songs).


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