Monday, August 29, 2011

A Peek Into My Secret World

Here are glimpses of the things I never finished writing. [and my thoughts on them now in the square brackets]

- I watch way less television since we lost our Sky. I even stopped following Neighbours. I don't know if Kate is over Mark, if Summer is still an intern at the local newspaper, if Tash and her dad are on good terms or what Sonya and Tody are up to... [I still miss Neighbours. Not enough to make me sit in front of the television at the scheduled time though]

 I generally warm to older people easier than people my age and younger. There's probably some deep mental reason why that is (which I may ponder on for days to come) but I'll give the surface reasons why I think that is... [sorry you don't get to see the reasons :P]

- Bad Idea To Reflect On Your Life While Emo... [Must have been that time of the month]

If you know me, you probably know I like love this show. A lot. It gets me excited - the edge of  my seat excited (I mean that quite literally at times). [about Dr Who]

If you are familiar with the website Facebook (of course you are!), you'd know there are many "That awkward moment..." 'likes' there. Well, I thought I'd share an awkward moment of mine. I'll also give the background leading up to the moment just to show how awkward it really was for me... [oh yeah, I was going to write about the time I peed in my pants in Noel Leeming. I was going to make a nice, exciting story too.]

As I was drawing up, decorating and cutting out cubes made out of paper (I stuck two together to make it thicker), I thought about Prince Charming. That is NOT a codeword for a male I fancy - I simply mean the Disney character named Prince Charming... [I was going to write about his superficial name and that he's not a real prince. A bit mean really]

When people offer that they'll be there if I need to talk, I usually don't take up on that offer. It's just that, I think that if I ever needed someone to talk to, I would like to talk to someone who didn't have to offer. Someone who I automatically go to because that's just who I talk to. Really talk to... [this was AGES ago... maybe one day I'll come to it and finish it off]

Geek. Repeat that words several times and it sound funny. In fact, just the once might be enough. [I don't even remember where I was going with that!]

I have these moments - sometimes short, sometimes long - where I can sit or lie there and cry. I cry about nothing in particular but everything at once. It's like a massive avalanche of depression just bombarded me yet when I think about it, it's more like a large mountain that's slowly been piling up on me. [Wow. That's intense. This was a while back. Anyone relate?]

A pro about being a girl is that I can understand them better than the average man. Boy am I glad that I've been in a girl's head [mine] and explored her [my] thinking because MAN it's complicated. [A PRO about being a GIRL?? Who SAYS that? lol!]

- Lists are soothing. When my mind is buzzing about a billion things and I'm about to explode from a panic attack, I pause, pray, wait a few minutes and then list the things I need to do. I number them in order of priority and urgency then I go down the list and tick things off as I go. Seeing it all on paper makes things so much simpler. I like lists. Esp. when it comes to homework.

- One of these days, I won't pretend I don't understand, and will just go ahead and kill the mood by saying 'Huh? I don't get it'. Instead of laughing in my confusion. [hahaha]

Our natural abilities, acquired skills, appearance, achievements, and reputation are things that describe us. But they aren't what define us. [Oh I like that. Yes, very nice.]

I'll leave you with a Jack Handy quote.
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

A Night In The Life Of

WARNING: Content may contain a boring sequence of events. You are free of any obligation of scrolling to the very end. Content contains 8 photos that may take long to load if you do not have broadband. Apologies for not having it in text only (if this is an inconvenience).

Note: I advise you read my story with an elderly British woman voice. That's how I do anyway... makes it much more enjoyable. Try it. Out loud. While the people in your house laugh at you. Go on.

Once upon a Monday night, I had homework. Not your usual essay writing or exam studying. No. This was a very simple but very time constraining task. I had to make playing blocks for children. Because it was all I had, I used paper, a pair of scissors, glue, a ruler and colouring pencils to make my blocks.

No printer = Having to measure and rule up my own cube shape. For every cube. Because I wanted the utmost accuracy in measurements. So I carefully ruled up 6x6cm cubes. Fun.

It took A LOT of time to do just one. I didn't realise how time consuming it was and regretted not starting it earlier. I made three and put them into an ice cream container so they wouldn't get squashed in my school bag. But when I put them in the box, there was a gap in the container that was just BEGGING me to fill it with another cube.

I had a squirmish feeling inside as I stared at that MASSIVE gap and couldn't shake the discomfort. So I decided, instead of going to bed before midnight, I'd make another one.

Aaaah... so much better. So not only is my OCD tendency calmed, I feel a bit happier I completed another block and thus I only have to do two more another day, rather than three more.  Time for a nice rest in my warm room (I did these cubes in the cold dining room deliberately so my incentive to hurry up and finish is to get to my lovely, heated room). So I'm feeling quite good right about now. Nice, productive night and now retreating to my haven.

I reach my lovely, heated room and start packing my backpack for school tomorrow. As I'm merrily putting books into my bag - to my horror - I come across my English report I was meant to edit and hand back to my teacher. Tomorrow (well, technically TODAY... but that's not better. In fact, that's worse).

I mentally kick myself for forgetting and very slowly make my way to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee - it ain't over till its over. *sigh*

Then. The the worst happens. I can't find my data traveler (U.S.B device or whatever you call it). I've already done some editing and saved it on there. Now. I. Don't. Have. It. I frantically search it all the pockets of my school uniform and my pencil and my backpacks million pockets. Nothing. Zero. Zilch.

I remember VERY clearly using it at my cousin's house after school. Then I fell asleep on the couch. I don't know what happened to it after that.

Did I make a second copy of my saved work?
Even though my teacher specifically emphasised these kind of things happen?
That's correct.
So I've definitely learnt the hard way.
Due tomorrow.

And that's how it ends boys and girl. With me worrying. And data-traveler-less. And tired too.
Hope you enjoyed this story more than me.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I'm A Fan... Sort Of

Something that makes me uneasy is claiming to be a fan of things that people have liked/loved for years before I even came across it. I feel an inferiority for not being AS a devoted fan of it as a lot of people are.

For example, bands like Kings Of Leon and U2. I feel like REAL fans liked them before they were mainstream. REAL fans like their songs that aren't singles. REAL fans like the hits the least. REAL fans know the band's history and how they came to be. REAL fans keep up with their lives.

Well you know what negative thinking?! I think you're just being silly and 'REAL' fans don't exist. There is no hierarchy of music loving and songs are made to be enjoyed. Stop getting caught up with the elitism mentality and just STOP thinking about it so much.

Ignore the overly zealous internet extremists who think they can define what a "true fan" is like. Just stop. Okay? You go on liking what you like without worrying about where you stand on the non-existent continuum you think is there. Alright?


Friday, August 12, 2011

This Survey That I Copied From Another Blog

You should do it too then tell me! :D Here it goes... oh and a warning it's LONG and you probably won't reading this as I did writing it... (and I deleted some questions... the ones to do with pets and other trivial stuff like that. See homeward bound. if you want to see the FULL one).
So yeah, do it do it do it so I can be nosey too!

If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
What a lies guy

Do you trust all of your friends?
There are different levels of trust with everyone. Some more than others.

Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
If they paid for my fare... and NOT on PolyBlue. And if I wasn't sixteen... cos then mum would just follow me and drag me back (by the hair) and lock me up in Rapunzel's tower.

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
I'm not sure if I do... I feel like I SHOULD, but I have my doubts...

Can you make a dollar in change right now?
Ha! I wish I HAD a dollar.... or 100...

Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?

Are you afraid of falling in love?
Not really. What's so scary about it? Oh wait, the whole broken-heart thing because the person actually turned out to be the wrong person... Hmm...
Nah I'm pretty optimistic about the fall. And if I crash and burn, then I'll be sad. If it goes well, I'll be happy. Either way, they'll be no fear.

Whats your most favorite scar?
Mufasa's brother

When was the last time you flew in a plane?
A few months ago from Wellington after the Queen's Birthday weekend I spent with my sister, brother-in-law and niece. FUN weekend!

What did the last text message you sent say?
*checks if it's appropriate to share*
"Oh ok sweet lol for sci fair so what ya up to?"

What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
Hair. I prefer women. Not in THAT way. I'm just saying, of the two sexes, in general terms, I prefer women. [I remember saying this to Joel and Dan and they misunderstood me. Punks.]

What features do you find least attractive in the preferred sex?
Lack of manners and arrogance. (yeah, a sneerious one)

Fill in the blank. I love        

What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Get Excellence endorsement for NCEA Level 2

If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
Mum and dad.

Would you make a good parent?
Hard out!!

Where was your default picture taken?
In my living room I think.

Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
"Honestly, what's on your mind right now?"

If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
A few years ago, mum let me choose a backpack for school and in my excitement, I chose a Yu-Gi-Oh! bag.  Which I later regretted after I discovered that the bag was not intended for heavy exercise and text books and folder and it was ripping :(
I would choose a thicker, uglier bag.

Did you buy something today?
Flavoured milk.... Mmmmmmm :)

Last person to see you cry?
I'm not sure... I try not to cry in front of people...

Who made you cry?
I don't remember (and if I did, I wouldn't publicly post it. LOL)

What was the last TV show you watched?

What are your plans for the weekend?
Homework, fb, church... I also wanna bake :)

If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
YES!!! Haha kidding..... KIDDING MAN! Stop being so serious!!
Lol Okay, so the girl who I copied this off (homeward bound.), said...
"I don't have a significant other...which is good! Boys are a little distracting I must say." 
 So... yeah, what she said.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Gigs (Not to be confused with Giggs)

Relient K. Parachute.

I'm a fan. Fanatic. Indeed. I am. Really. It's taking a lot for not to go on and on about why. I will not go there... will not..........

My extreme happiness is dampened by one thing: my lack of funds. This kind of enjoyment requires funds. A LOT of funds. I would love to go to both but I doubt it. (Not that I'm in the place yet to decide) but I wouldn't know which one I'd rather go to. If anyone would like to donate to my worthy cause, I'd be more than happy to accept. 100% of procedures will go towards this great need. 

Hmm... time to charge my family for every baked good they consume. No more Miss Nice Free Baker.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Encouragement vs Expectations

Usually, reflecting on my life while grumpy is not a good idea. I usually come up with the most depression analysis. But this one time - another thought came to mind. It didn't have anything to do with why I was upset but I was glad for the change of pathway of thoughts.

Aaaanyway, with the introduction over with, the thing I thought about was the difference in encouragement and expectations.
I instantly thought of two examples of each in my life:

A certain teacher: See? Getting an excellence isn't so hard is it? It's up to you to study but if you do, you can certainly get an E.

A friend from school: Pfft. You're Tui (I am, btw. That's from my first name Tuioleloto, in case you didn't know). Of course you'll get an E.

Now, both people believed I could do it - one of them just made me feel differently about it. The difference being, one person told me I could do it and the other gave the impression I should do it. I don't know if anyone ever thought about this but I think that there is that difference between making someone feel they CAN do something and making them feel like they SHOULD.

I feel quite pressured to do my best in school. I usually get pretty good marks and I guess I just built that reputation (I'm not a genius though). But the expectation rises and sometimes, the encouragement does not follow suit. I think it's just hard to do your best when you feel you must.

I don't know, it may be different for you. I think we shouldn't take for granted what people can do. They don't just snap their fingers and achieve things. It puts me in a better mindframe when I'm encouraged rather than pressured. And I don't mean I want everyone to pay lip service and tell me "You can do it!" all the time. However, it'll be a nice change to be so consumed with the worry of whether or not I'm going to cut it....

Yeah, this is a bit of a rough copy of writing but hopefully you got what I was trying to say. Peace out.