Sunday, August 7, 2011

Encouragement vs Expectations

Usually, reflecting on my life while grumpy is not a good idea. I usually come up with the most depression analysis. But this one time - another thought came to mind. It didn't have anything to do with why I was upset but I was glad for the change of pathway of thoughts.

Aaaanyway, with the introduction over with, the thing I thought about was the difference in encouragement and expectations.
I instantly thought of two examples of each in my life:

A certain teacher: See? Getting an excellence isn't so hard is it? It's up to you to study but if you do, you can certainly get an E.

A friend from school: Pfft. You're Tui (I am, btw. That's from my first name Tuioleloto, in case you didn't know). Of course you'll get an E.

Now, both people believed I could do it - one of them just made me feel differently about it. The difference being, one person told me I could do it and the other gave the impression I should do it. I don't know if anyone ever thought about this but I think that there is that difference between making someone feel they CAN do something and making them feel like they SHOULD.

I feel quite pressured to do my best in school. I usually get pretty good marks and I guess I just built that reputation (I'm not a genius though). But the expectation rises and sometimes, the encouragement does not follow suit. I think it's just hard to do your best when you feel you must.

I don't know, it may be different for you. I think we shouldn't take for granted what people can do. They don't just snap their fingers and achieve things. It puts me in a better mindframe when I'm encouraged rather than pressured. And I don't mean I want everyone to pay lip service and tell me "You can do it!" all the time. However, it'll be a nice change to be so consumed with the worry of whether or not I'm going to cut it....

Yeah, this is a bit of a rough copy of writing but hopefully you got what I was trying to say. Peace out.


  1. Ugh...I HATED when people in my class just expected me to come first, like it was defined in my DNA and already woven into the fabric of time, when it was just their lame-oh excuse for not trying to achieve themselves, and their acceptance of their "place" as a non-achiever. Sad aye. In UPY, when everyone was all worrying about whether they would get scholarships, I got the old, "Well, you don't have to worry about anything. You're definitely going to New Zealand." What do you mean I don't have to worry? I worry. I just spend more time worrying about my results instead of your stupid marks. ARGH! Unresolved issues much :)

    You can do it, Laws. Not because you have good brain genes (although you do...hehe) or because your name is Tui, or because you have done it before, but because you believe in yourself, and you are willing to put in the work that is required to get the result you want.

  2. Well I can't say I've ever really had this problem, but I totally see what you mean Laws and Bina. Must be how The Blacks must feel on a regular basis...

  3. Just wanted to encourage you- I hope you do well, because I think the world needs people like you...who have character, who will use their heart when using their head [knowledge] to make wise decisions. But it's not what I or anyone else thinks- it's about what you think in line with what you know about God's plan and purpose for your life. Keep on keeping on- as hard as it can be at times, He will fulfil his plans for your life. Bless ya!

  4. @Bina - That's the worst. The "you don't have to worry about it" line. Aaaand tanks!

    @Gog - yeah. The All Blacks totally get me. I think that's why I'm such a fan - our empathy.

    @SonShine - Thank you thank you :)

  5. OMG Gogs, did you just compare me to the AB's??
    Major difference: I don't choke. Just saying...


    (No offence intended, all you AB fanatic peeps. It's a fact. Read the historical archives)