Saturday, December 31, 2011

Last Day Of BEDD

I've been attempting to Blog Every Day of December (hence, BEDD) and for the most part, I stuck true to this project. I missed some days and I tried to make up for it by posting twice the next day. And then there was one day I posted one too many posts. Then I missed another day which made up for that extra entry. And then I think I missed another day because I now have 30 posts over the 31 days. 

Although technically I failed, I don't feel like I have. Which is VERY contrary to my personality. I usually hate failure and am very bothered by it. But hey, no need to put one's personality in a box right?

That's one thing I've learnt this year. People have so many facet's to their character you can't just catagorise them. I've met lot's of people this year and spending time with people has been more enjoyable than my very-anti-social self anticipated. People who I had preconceptions proved to be much more than what I thought. 

I mean, yeah they had the qualities I expected, but they had and were so much more than that. People's characters shouldn't be defined or described in one small paragraph. But we amazing creatures known as human beings are so much more complicated, so much more fascinating, so much more. 

This is been a huge eye-opener for me as I am a huge catagoriser. I mentally slot people into groups that I think people call stereotypes (lol). I know that I do it, and I acknowledge that I should do it less but my sub-conscious does it so easily and it takes a lot of training of my brain to not do it. Hanging out with people more and forming really good friendships has helped with that. People who I've been acquainted with for years have become some really good friends.

And this revelation about humans has been an eye-opener about the big man upstairs. If humans are this multi-dimensional then just imagine God (well, you can't fully, but do it anyway). God telling me he's so much more than I already know of him. He's has so many more qualities, facets about Him that make him so much more beautiful than I know. I shouldn't box him up to what my 17-year-old can comprehend right now. 

So as 2011 ends, let's leave behind the disappoinments and take with us the lessons learned. We are much wiser to have lived through this year and let's all give ourselves a pat on our backs (or go crazy on baked goods) for living through another year. Thanks God, a lot, for making this year possible (literally). 

I'm not even going to proof-read this - I'm tired, it's humid and what the heck, it's the end of the year - cut me some slack :P

Peace out!
Laura Toailoa

Friday, December 30, 2011

About Blogs

It's New Year's Eve's Eve and I went through this year's blog posts and although I didn't go through all of them (I only got up to May). Most of the blogs seem pretty dry to me now but the two posts I liked were:

"I Really Really Like This"
"The Mayonaise Jar And Two Cups Of Coffee"

I think my style of writing has changed, the feel of my words etc. I've started following way more blogs and reading all the different ones inspire me blog better. I see what each blogger does best and try to adopt that technique as my own. My favourite part about blogging this year was finding and following Samoan bloggers. A little community of Samoan women (mostly) who follow each other. I love it. Just love it. A bunch of bloggers who have left the motherland and are scattered across this giant planet are still holding their culture and love for Samoa close to them. It's been very refreshing reading from these women as opposed to all the little Palagi's I follow. Hehe.

And also meeting the Queen Of The Samoan Blogging Sisterhood (no? Not gonna catch on?) herself - Lani Wendt Young this year is a blogging highlight I can't forget!! (Although, she's probably known better for being the author of the amazing novel - Telesa rather than author of Sleepless In Samoa. lol).

A shout out to all four of you followers who I don't know in person and legit like my blogs and aren't pity following me because you know me.

And thanks to you real life friends and family for making up my followers numbers and making me feel like I'm writing to more than myself :)

<3 <3 <3 Laura

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Doctor, The Widow and The Wardrobe

What’s the point of you being happy now if you’re going to be sad later? 
The answer is of course, because you’re going to be sad later.

I cried. Tears of sadness and happiness. So humaney wumaney of me. 'Twas a beautiful episode and I loved this Christmas Special!

Happy Crying
I'm excited for the next season - eep!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really Really Want

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Make it last forever, friendship never ends!

LOL Now that my little singing is finished (yes I sang :P), here a list of things of how I want to spend my holidays but aren't for one reason or another. If anyone wants to make my dreams come true, flick me a message. Please.

- Go shopping. No money. End of [sad] story.

- Go to the beach. It's actually been feeling like summer lately and what better way than to spend a hot summer's day than at the beach.

- Have a picnic. Just to get out of the house and away from the internet and eat and talk and play games under a shady tree admiring nature and all that.

- DVD night. Filled with flicks like Jerry McGuire, I Am Sam and The Bucket List. And maybe Matrix Reloaded.

My cousin who lives near town is staying with my Aunty for the holidays which is about a minute's walk away so I'm spending as much time with him before holidays are over. I pretty much don't see him throughout the year. Hanging out with him and his sister have been pretty much all my days have been filled with. We just sit or lie around, laugh, talk and laugh some more... and sometimes we bake. I love good company. It makes up for the lack of exciting activities. And seeing as exciting activities is a rarity - I'm glad to be related to such cool people who I'm around all the time.

I'm feeling very drowsy. But I want to stay up and hang with my family some more.






Monday, December 26, 2011

The Cookie Recipe

A reader of mine (omg I can say that! LOL) - ReaderWriter saw my cookies I posted here and was curious of the recipe. So here it be! :) (I got it off my sister fyi)

It's a giant cookie recipe so you can either make a giant cookie or split them into smaller bits to make any sized cookies you want!

225g butter, softened
3/4 Cup white sugar
3/4 Cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs
2 1/4 Cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 Cups chocolate chips

Method.

1) Beat the butter, white and brown sugar and vanilla until light and fluffy.

2) Add eggs one at a time - beating well after each.

3) Gradually add flour, salt and baking soda, beating well until blended. (It says gradually but I just dumped the whole lot in. lol)

4) Stir in chocolate chips (I do this by hand. I don't know if you have to.)

Spread across a baking or pizza tray to make a giant cookie to slice up or make little thick pancake shaped things to make smaller cookies. The cookie spreads out quite a bit.

Oh and 190°C for 20-25 mins. (I use 175 because I'm scared of burn. LOL So I've never actually used 190. But you know your oven so just fiddle and work with it. And if you're making smaller cookies, check at 15 mins to make sure they haven't burnt. The smaller the cookies, the less time required I think...)


Okay, there it is. Sorry it's not very detailed but I condensed it to write and save on my phone and I just added in what I thought from experience.


Refer to this blog post where I blogged about this cookie recipe. LOL

So This Was Christmas

It was a merry Christmas. Family and food. Lots of both. It's the day after and I'm still enjoying company of two of my cousins. Christmas is so good at bringing families together - like funerals, except everyone's alive and not mourning.

It was the biggest Christmas we've had at our house with more people and food than ever before! One thing I noticed was that there were so many children that I was included in the older people group. I felt so grown up. Not being chased to bed early or told to go away from the drinking, dancing, laughing party. No. I was allowed to be there. To watch and laugh at my crazy family.

Lot's of photos were taken and not all were permitted to make it onto the world wide web (sadly).

Thank you Jesus for your great gift - a holiday in which the whole world is allowed the day off. Hehe

It's late but, Merry Christmas from Laura Toailoa! :)

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Silent Night

I didn't post yesterday sadly. I really did hope to post a Christmas Eve post. But yesterday was a day of final cleaning, decorating blah blah blah. Even when I wasn't doing anything, I felt like I had to be on alert to be assigned a job so no time to blog.

It's 3:11 right now and everyone is tucked in bed, deep in slumber (except for a certain brother and cousins at my cousin's house who ditched me and are watching Super 8. Punks).

Living room: decorated
Christmas music: on low
Disturbing noise level: zero
Cookies: cooking in the oven

Here are the ones already out of the oven:



I'm savouring every hour I have in this living room in it's current state. Tomorrow (or rather, today), it will be filled with family, chatter, laughter, busy-ness, food and activities. Presents will be exchanged, food will be demolished and memories created. Followed closely by a mass cleanup. But I'm trying not to think about that. As much as I'm looking forward to excitement, I crave peace and quiet very easily. So I delight in it now.

In this quiet, I'm able to remember the reason for the season. Christmas is a loud kind of holiday. Lots of doing doing doing. Things are always happening till the new year. Shopping, decorating, planning, cooking with everything happening right up to the last minute. But sitting here in the quiet of the night, I can sit and think about Jesus. The man of the hour. The God who became a baby to become a man who redeemed every human. I'm so familiar with the story that I can easily become complacent. Like blah blah blah Jesus in the manger blah blah blah. But the gospel (literally translating into 'good news') shouldn't be brushed over with such a blasé attitude. 


Thank you Jesus for such a loving act. Sitting here with you, eating cookies and drinking milk makes this a very
special Christmas. 


Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! I hope you and your loved ones have a gay old time.

Friday, December 23, 2011

I Feel Better

Being away from home for ages makes me very homesick. And by ages, I mean more than 4 hours. So I got home at about 11pm I'm really tired. Things annoyed me asap when I got home. One of the things being my messy room. I was being irrational, I know.

I lay in bed for a while lying in my distress about to cry (dramatic much?). But one thing I really don't like is whinging. I'm so impatient when it comes to whingers. However, I'm one of the biggest whingers I know so I was not only on the verge of tears, I was mad at myself for acting like a lil' brat.

So another more level-headed part of me told myself to stop. Just stop. Stop whinging, stop being mad at myself, stop being mad at the world and get up. Physically get up from the horizontal position and go and shower. It seems simple enough but boy that was a very hard thing to do.

When one is upset, one simply wants to lay in thy self's pity and wait for time to pass and hopefully takes one's pains away. But this was not the time for that. This was the time to slap one's self in the face and tell one's self to help thy very self.

And so I got up and showered. The shower provided the remedy like I knew it would. So with my clean self, clean hair, fresh face and brushed teeth. One can sit here blogging with a towel wrapped around her head and an ie sulu 'ao'ao and be calm.

I think I'll sleep sound tonight - even if it is in a messy room...

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Life Life Life Life .... Sounds Like "Flyfe"

Things in this life do not last forever. Things break, people die, time moves on. Moments become memories and experiences become lessons learned.

We've all heard a saying along the lines of don't worry about the pain, it'll pass. Most of the time, I actually hold true to that. When something sucky happens, I can almost always be comforted by the fact that it'll pass. When some embarrassing happens, I tell myself how great of a story it'll be. When something good happens, I want to take lots of photos to remember it in the future.

I am very much aware that things don't last forever. My problem is, I also know that the good times don't last forvever either. So I never indulge myself too much during the good times because in my head, I know it'll pass. And that's not a great way to live. I know that in theory, but I still don't KNOW know it.

The thing I like about living is learning stuff. I know lots of lessons in theory. I know what I should or should not do. But don't you just love having an experience that actually opens your eyes to what you already knew? Like, actually seeing how much your parents love you, or how blessed you are to have good people in your life.

One lesson that I'm currently learning is to let go of what I cannot change. It'll only make me more miserable. I have some regrets that I keep going over in my head and imagining what I could've done differently and how I could be happier. There's nothing healthy or satisfying about thinking about that.

I have to accept it. Simple. But not easy. There are some things I've done that I've accepted and move forward from, so this thing hammering at my head should be treated likewise. Because that's just it. It's in my head. Nothing external is holding me back. The battle is in my head. And the bad will not win. I won't let it.

You shouldn't either.

This post has deviated from where I intended, but that's common amongst blogs right? .... Right?!

If you have fast internet and 4 minutes to spare:

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

First Day Of Christmas

I have no idea where the 12 Days Of Christmas come from or what that even means, but today has been the first day where I got slightly excited about Christmas.

I finished decorating the tree. I have no idea why, but it seems to be the silent rule at my house that I'm the one to do the tree. Odd. Ahh well, I've been doing little by little every day because I really wasn't feeling all the inspired to do it. But it's done and there are some presents underneath and I'm slowly feelin' the buzz.



What gets me excited about Christmas is being with my family. But this year, three of my sisters, my brother-in-law and niece won't be here and that just dulls things a little. For compensation though, there'll be a whole lot of cousins and aunties and uncles. I have no idea where everyone is gonna fit but I suppose we'll manage.

Every year for the past five-ish years, our family does secret santa. And I'm relieved that my person was fairly easy and I sincerely hope they love their present (because I sure do!).

This week will have more days of decorating and cleaning up the house a bit. I hope to make it not feel like such a chore.

Also, I tried to make my nails "Christmassy". The quality of the photo is really not good but my camera's battery died right after the photo of the tree was taken so I had to use the web-cam to take a photo of my nails. But you get the idea right?

Monday, December 19, 2011

Reading A Book

And getting near the end of the book, wanting to hurry and find out how it ends but wanting also to savour each page knowing it'll be finished soon. 
So I forced myself to get away from the book lest I rush through to the end.


Reading in detail about battle is so gross. Call me a girl, but picturing beheading, flesh being tore, blood everywhere makes me cringe. I actually skim these parts. Missing chunks at a time sometimes. Paolini just describes is so vividly. Erlgh...

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Rules Are Made To Be Broken

...well, I do not actually live by that, but it makes for a catchy blog title. I've accidentally written one too many blogs and now I'm just confused. Now the rest of my blog will have nothing to do with the title.

I've finished watching a film and one of the characters was an old man who was a writer for Hollywood films. He'd talk about the golden days and how there were no blockbusters, or special effects team, or box office tallies rolling in every day etc. And that got me thinking.

No I wasn't alive back in Hollywood's early years and I haven't a fully educated opinion on it, but from what I gather, actors and actresses were like artists. The moving pictures were their art. They were respected. They were respectable.

But now what? What happened to them? I think, nothing. Well, not much. I think most Hollywood actors and actresses still take their profession seriously. They still consider their work art. But it's us who are changing them. The media sticks their nose into their private lives and we pay to read it, watch it and know more. We exploit movie stars, television and reality stars (although, the reality stars are kinda asking for it, so let's rule them out).

We see people on screen playing a character we so admire in a story we absolutely love and we somehow think that gives us the right to delve into their private life to know more about them? Their dating, marriage and divorce. Their meltdown, their arrest, their rehabilitation. Their outfit for the day, the places they eat etc etc etc etc. It's like the 2 hour film was not enough for us and we just need a fix from them once more.

Or is it just me?..... I've made a point to do it less and less until not at all. I don't want to hear about what their nights out and if they got absolutely smashed. I want to watch their work and hear them in interviews if they want to speak. But no more spying on them through the media.

On a kind of related note, what is it about English actors and actresses that make me like them a whole lot more than others? It's not just the accent - it's what they say. I just love it.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

If Tomorrow Never Comes

First of all, I just want to clear up that I have NOT been diagnosed with a terminal illness (or any illness for that matter) nor am I contemplating suicide. Just sayin'. Don't get freaked out. I'm not gonna die on purpose. (Unless I'm taking a bullet for you - cos I'd die for a brother. Peace wat!)


If I die in the near future of writing this, I'm just putting it out there to not mourn TOO much. It's natural to mourn over the death of a loved one. And it's worse the younger that loved one is.

But after you've dried your tears (there had better be tears) and you're ready to listen to reason, know that any future I had on earth does not even come close to what is in Heaven. The 21st that never happened, the university life I'd never experienced, the career that never flourished, the family that never was. Missing out on those amazing milestones is but a small sacrifice to what I'll be rewarded with. Know that I haven't disintegrated into nothingness in the vapour of the clouds in the sky. I'm living a full life - the human's innermost desperate desires, it's covered.

Don't wear black, don't stop your life. Don't give me a stressful funeral that cost billions of dollars you don't have. And the gravestone thingy better be affordable. I mean, you can splash out if you really wanna, or you can just not get one at all. You're gonna be the one's who live with it (lol pun). Do what you please - if it really pleases.

Cry because you'll miss me and we won't hang out for ages and you won't hear my crack up jokes. But don't cry for me (Argentina. You were thinking it!). Cos I'll be livin' it up. More than I ever could on Earth.

Know that what makes me happy is that you would reach the last morning stage asap. Know that you'll still have my blogs to keep reading if ya still wanna piece of me. Somebody knows my blogger password if you really wanna read my unpublished stuff (but only till I'm gone, please?).

I have not left any P.S I Love You styled stuff so what you see is what you get homies. Soz.

Peace owt homie!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Nocturnal

I missed a blog post the other day and this is the one to make up for it.

I love night time. Not to do with the moon or stars or anything, but night time is when I feel most... alive! It's highly likely that this is due to my bad sleeping patterns (or lack thereof) but I love being alive during the night.

Night time is when I want to do chores more often. I love cleaning my room in the late hours of the night, or washing the dishes, or re-organising my things.

Night time is when I have the most blog ideas. It's when my mind just thinks and thinks and thinks and thinks.

Night time is when I can talk to God. Not just talk, but listen too.

Night time is when I like watching movies or Doctor Who.

Night time is when I like to make lists of what I need to do/buy.

Night time is the best time of the day.

When my cousin lived with us, we used to be nocturnal all the time. One night, we just sat on the swing chair outside till 6 in the morning.

The day time is too loud, too busy to want to do things.

I like night time when everyone's sleep, my world has gone quiet and I'm able to go about my business without being disturbed.

So yeah, I like night time.

Woes Of A Poor Baker

Warning: I complain.

I always feel like I'm committing the greatest sin in life when I think of what if's.... I'm supposed to be thankful of what I have. And I am. But it's when I wanna do something fun and creative, my lack of disposable cash is just not up to scratch, and that saddens me.

For (a long) example, I want to bake all these beautiful treats I discover during web surfing, but alas, my resources are limited to flour, sugar, milk, and eggs (and sometimes, not even these). Butter is only bought if I need to bake something or if mum and dad take pity on me.  Amongst my friends, I'm one of the go-to people if anyone needs baking. So cupcakes and brownies are what I turn to. They're easy, require minimal ingredients and are quick to make.

But I'm getting tired of making the same ol' same ol'. I want to be excited again. I don't mind making stuff for other peeps, but I want that to be balanced out with a little fun for me. Discovering a new recipe excites me. But if it exceeds my resource list above, I drop out of cloud nine faster than I can devour a cupcake.

What if I just had a pantry full of exciting ingredients daring me to bake something new and adventurous. What if every week I tasted something I've never made before? What if I made more than just cupcakes and brownies all the time.

In saying that, I think I'm going to go make some shortbread now. It the easiest recipe I know, (it doesn't even need eggs) and I just feel like making something.

I don't care how pretty you are anymore, you're still just vanilla cupcakes to me!

Today Was Not A Fairytale

I'm on a mission to Blog Every Day in December (BEDD) but I missed on the day before yesterday so I planned to do TWO yesterday to make up for it but I struggled. I had to wait till a computer was available but the few times it was, I had nothing to say. So now it's 1:05am and everyone is asleep and I've finished a day, I have something to write, finally.

I woke up today at around 8:00am which, if you knew me was a big thing. During the holidays, I tend to wake up much, much later. Because I started the day so early (by my standards) the day seemed longer, and frankly, it felt like time dragged it's lazy feet along.

I regretted waking up so early. Perhaps if the weather was a bit more activity friendly, I would've done stuff like do my washing, walk to the park, walk to Clendon shopping centre etc. I felt like I wasn't missing out on much and I'd better off being asleep.

I went to the mall to buy my secret santa person's present and MAN finding a parking space was intense. So many cars prowling around looking for shoppers leaving the mall to pounce on. The mall had a lot of people in it and the shops felt very crowded. At least I found what I was looking for and time spent there was only an hour. Time flies when you're scouting the Chinese stores for decorating stuffs.

I'm really tired and I'm getting up fairly early tomorrow to ice the cupcakes that need to be taken to a birthday and I don't know when he party starts so I want to have them prepared asap. Okay. Yes.

I'm glad the day is over, but I also kinda regret for not trying to make the day better. I let the weather influence my mood too much. Better effort tomorrow yes? Yes.

:)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

This Is My Therapy

Internet died yesterday. It's alive now. Let's get down to business, I don't got no time to play around, what is this? Must be a circus in town, let's shut the thing down on these clowns, can I get a witness?

Hi.



Writing is so liberating. Even if I don't publish it on my blog and write it on a piece of refill. It's such a relieving activity and I thank the Lord that I'm literate. Seriously.

Writing things is an amazing way for me to exert a lot of emotions without having to justify myself. There's absolutely no judgement from my piece of paper and I don't have to be pitied. It's just me, God and my words. I've kept diaries before and they served me well. When I look back at them and read my past entries, I'm very glad that I kept them to myself. I'm so embarrassed by most of it.

But writing is amazing therapy.




P.S I could never be happy with a typewriter.
I'm a serial backspacer and cross-outer.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Good Day

One thing can ruin an (almost) perfectly good day. Just one thing. It can be small, it can be big, but if you let it, it'll make you forget about all the good stuff. 

So this is me remembering all the good stuff and telling that bad thing to bugger off because I won't let it make today a bad day. 

1) Watching the niece being cute and capturing evidence her cuteness




2) Going to the Auckland Telesa Book Launch. Meeting Sleepless in her physical form was so cool. Kiki's dance was enchanting. The poem reading was amazing and the refreshments were really flash. And meeting Sleepless was so cool! 


It's her! The real her!
Kiki duin' her dance beautifully



Signing my sister's copy. 

3) Hanging out at youth for the last time this year. After two intense team games, it was just sitting around, eating and chilling. I have nothing to do now on Tuesday nights....

Hardcore football discussion while Joel sits on the side trying not to be bored
Me and Aimee's first photo together. I didn't upload it on  fb ;)






In conclusion Laura, you have had a lovely day and you shall remember the good from it. The good conversations and the fun company.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Random Little Tales

I wrote some pretty sweet blog ideas on a piece of paper but I don't know where it is and I'm not that motivated to find it, so I'll just come up with another idea hopefully in the next five minutes...


[more than five minutes later....]


A friend of mine recently gave me a gift that was so simple but I absolutely adored - developed photos of us. How freakin' cool is that?! Cos seriously, what average joe does that anymore? With the internet at our fingertips, we can share photos with a press of a button. We can share hundreds and even thousands of photos with everyone. I know of people who develop only special photos that are deemed worthy for a photo album (like wedding photos, baby photos etc). So to me, the gift of actual printed photographs was just so amazing.

I love them. LOVE them.

On an unrelated note (because my spiel on photos was much shorter than I planned), I woke up very early this morning (around 7:30) to go to my friend's house to bake and hang out. I got there at around 8:30 and was still very very tired so I just joined her in her room to have a sleep. I then woke up at around 1:00 to commence our baking. I just love having friends where you've past the point of being polite all the time. Just rocked up to her house only to fall sleep again. Yes, I like that indeed.

Also, I'm seeing Sleepless tomorrow - IN PERSON! Wooaahh!!!.... (exciting much?  VERY MUCH!!). Note to self: act very very cool. VERY cool. And not your type of cool. The socially accepted cool that the majority of the western world deems cool. That cool.


Goodnight! :)

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Instincts

As animals, we humans have instincts. Instincts of hunger, self-preservation, sexual attraction etc. Some people get a thrill on acting upon these instincts. It's wild, it's spontaneous - you just do it.

But it's those who fight these instincts that really build character so strong and beautiful. Like, giving up your food for someone else even when you're really really hungry. Risking or giving up your life for a friend. Choosing fidelity when that pretty lad/lady gave you that look. Something my brother said about being angry (paraphrasing) - it doesn't matter that you are. What matters is what happens after.

It's the acts against instincts that make a hero, really. Someone who does not let their feelings control them. Someone who acknowledges what they're feeling but choosing not to act blindly on it. Harry, who walked into death willingly for the sake of his friends. The peeps from church who fasted stuff they really loved to hang out with God more. Those faithful spouses who have stayed true to their wedding vows.

I don't know about you, but there is something so beautiful about someone who becomes more than what their feelings dictate.

..... wow, this is much shorter than I anticipated.... huh....

Teacher (3)

INTENSE CLOSE UP. lol
It was early, there are grammar errors. I planned on using what I said to write a blog but meh, change my mind.


Oh, and I missed another day of BEDD.Woops. This post so counts :P

Friday, December 9, 2011

Change Is Hard


Facebook has, YouTube has, even Blogger (although, I did not adhere). Internet website IT worker people will always look for ways to "improve" their sites - new features, more user friendly and other techy things that they know how to improve.

However, we humans aren't very accepting when it comes to change. It rocks our cruising boat. We don't want to learn how to navigate a new interface. We like the stuff we know, stuff we can navigate absent mindedly. So when a certain website introduces the "timeline" layout - statuses burst with angry rants at the website administrators (who I'm sure saw the messages).

But you know what? If you really hated it, you'd leave. If not, you'll get over it. Remember when we were all on Bebo and there was an uproar when they upgraded? Well, that died down when we got used to it and realised we're not unadaptable bimbos and will not die because of the change.

I mean, I'm hesitant to accept the "timeline" feature and I'm just waiting until they force it upon me. But I know that once I find my feet, all will be well. Unless everyone leaves the site then I'll be left with no one and have to follow them to a new home.

Be strong, I know the "timeline" seems like an apocalypse, but we must be strong. Hold on to the hope that things will be okay. The point of facebook was to connect people right? Well, if we stay connected through this grueling transition, we will pull through. United we stand, divided we fall.

Kia Kaha.
Cheers :)

Failure

I missed posting a blog yesterday. And for that, I'm very sorry. Not in an apologetic way, just sorrowful. Because to me, that counts as failure. Failing at carrying out something I said I would. But failure certainly does not mean that we stop. We find our feet and awkwardly hobble until we've found the rhythm again.

Doctor Who is one of those television shows where it's really fun to look out for the theme of the episode. I love it. It's underlying references to human behavior and how we treat each other. In the midst of the aliens, time and space travelling and fighting bad guys, Doctor Who has an amazing way of communicating friendship, sacrifice, and shows what humans are capable of - good and bad.

Sure I enjoy rom-coms here and there - but it's these kind of shows that really get my attention. Episodes I can watch over and over and share quotes on fb. I love the banter, the jokes, and epic speeches from Doctor Who.

I bet if this show came on TV2 - way more people would be into it. But alas, it only airs on Prime and UKTV. And seriously, who in New Zealand watches these channels? (Except for when Doctor Who or The Weakest Link is on).

Doctor Who makes me think and question. Laugh and at times, cry. But mostly, I'm just impressed at how cool the doctor is.

"There's one thing you never put in a trap if you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow — there's one thing you never EVER put in a trap... me."

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Ladies - We've All Done It...

A picture may speak a thousand words but sometimes, it takes a thousand pictures to say what we want to say. Or rather, show what we want to show. So we take a thousand shots to get it right. However the more people in the photo, the greater the chance that there will objections on whether or not to upload the photo on fb.

This is Olivia and I. And why yes, we are hip.














 We finally settled on this one. Half because we deemed it acceptable and half because my palm was getting hot and melting the icing.


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Competitiveness

I like to win. And by like, I mean, love. And it's not really the winning that I love but rather the NOT losing. I hate losing. Yeah, that's it. I find it very hard to deal with.

I'm a very proud person and being humbled in such a way as losing takes a hard knock on my pride. Which may be the reason why I'm so flippin' competitive. Now, I'm not competitive in physical activities because I just don't think I'll win. I mean, I'm not exactly a sport fanatic. I can do some physical activities for fun...

But what I AM good at are indoor sitting-down activities - like puzzles, charades, pictionary, board games etc. So I'm that arse that ruins the fun of the game because I so badly need to win. Winning's fun though, right? I wonder if there's a convention where competitive boardgamers gather and try to annihilate each other. Lots of hard feelings and no broken friendships.

There is ONE board game that I can play for pure fun is Cranium. All the little activities that make you interact with your team mates and watching the other team play and enjoy themselves really makes for a lot of fun. Play cranium. Do it. Do it.

Today I lost to scrabble and it crushed me. I think it's time to train and challenge for a re-match next year... Hmm.... yes, sounds like a plan.

Hi, I'm Laura, do you wanna play a board game with me? :)

Monday, December 5, 2011

Commitment

Today has not ended on a very high note, I'm still currently in a not-good place that I very nearly didn't publish a blog post. I'm stressed about something that I recognise as a little thing but it's the ill-preparation and the falling apart of plans that is freaking me out. I don't want to sleep because I have not got a solution yet. I can't rest. Nope.

Where's the line between being committed and reliable to stressing yourself over things that you can just back away from? Right now, I don't feel like having friends over tomorrow, I don't feel like blogging, I don't feel like being conscious, I just wanna go into a room where time stops and lets you rest for as long as you want.

It's times like this where I rely on God to give me the peace I so desperately need. The peace of knowing that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. The peace of knowing he hears the needy cry of my heart. The peace of knowing that although I have no solution whatsoever, he'll bring me through it.

You see, my problem is that when I have plans, I intend to stick to them by the book. None of this spontaneous, go-with-the-flow kind of business. No. I have bullets points and sub-headings that organise my thoughts and calm me down. When things do not get ticked off the list, I panic.

I hate being thrown in the deep end and to think on my feet. But hey, character development right? 

*deep breath*

I still don't know what to do. Maybe I'm not meant to do anything....


Added in after publishing: I accidentally pushed "PUBLISH POST" without proof-reading or choosing a better suited blog title. That's all. 

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Where Did The Time Go?

Bad time management is the reason for my very late upload of a blog for BEDD. Bad time management means, even though I really have to pee, I have 15 minutes to publish something before the deadline and I don't wanna waste any precious time.

I was meant to bake mother a cake for her to take to work and I put it off to watch television and I only remembered now.

Being ill-prepared has made this project feel like a chore instead of fun (and it's only the fourth day). This whole BEDD thing was supposed to be a fun way to train up my commitment and time management. But I ruin the fun every time I'm being slack.

Oh hang on, here's something I did today, I made a pancake. A baked one. In a cake tin. So it's a pancake cake. Strawberry flavoured. Recipe given to me by my sister who is my source of good recipes (seriously people, if I've ever made you something delicious, it's really from her). She gives me the recipes that require minimal skill but deliver good stuff.

Have a look:

This was my favourite part

Before going into the oven
Bake till golden
That's how the recipe said to do it. And I always listen to the recipe.
 OH AND ALSO:


Check out the size difference! Woahh...

Now I have to go make one for mum.... Bye! :)

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Jessenator

When I started BEDD two days ago, I figured I'd use my holiday activities to share. However, I realised how mundane my activities are on a day-to-day basis. I mean, it suits me well - I love the quiet life. It just doesn't make for good blogging material.

However, one person who I usually share my mundane holiday activities is the brother. He is my favourite brother (and he may or may not be the only one). He makes stuff like washing the dishes and watching movies a billion times more enjoyable (esp. when the movie is the Matrix and we pause every now and then so he can fully explain to me what the heck everything means).

Things like frying eggs and eating fried eggs is so much better when we do it together (ew, did I just use that sentence?)He's the funniest male I know in person. Ever. Like, yeah. He's HILARIOUS. He makes the funniest jokes out of the stupidest concepts (and I take no part in that. Nope. Not me). He makes me laugh like no one does (because humour is too obscure).

And the old man is getting himself married next year and the thought both excites and saddens me. It'll mean he's grown up and being a adult and all away from his family. His new family will be Amy and his time is gonna primarily belong to him and her. Which kinda sucks for little sister me who pretty relies on him every day to entertain me.

So yeah, he's the coolest brother and I'm glad I'm related to him because if I weren't, I bet I'd wanna be his friend but he'll be too old and cool to hang out with a girl four years younger than him. So yuss! He's my friend by default - I don't have to try.

Some would say that talking about my brother is just a filler because I forgot about BEDD till now. Well you know what?! That.... is not entirely false. BUT I meant what I said and I said what I meant. And an elephant's faithful one hundred percent.

Jesse being this cool makes me hope that when Bubbles is a little older and likes conversing with me, I can be that cool older sister for her (I do think I'm her favourite sibling already).

P.S Jesse if you read this, don't get all awkward heart-felt-y on me in person. We reserve mush for blogs and fb messages only k? Cool bro.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Things Get Better... Just Not For Now

Reaching the wise old age of 17, I am surrounded by people who say how much they miss being in year nine, or in primary school because life was so uncomplicated and easy then and life is so much harder now.

But to me, life has never felt easy and uncomplicated. I mean, yeah it's easy now looking at my 6-year-old problems with my 17-year-old brain. But using my 6-year-old brain to solve my problems made things difficult. I remember feeling anxiety about homework when I was in year 3. I did it but I'd lost my book. And I nearly died from the panic of what my teacher would say. To me, that feeling still comes when I'm doing an all-nighter the night before an assignment is due.

When I was younger, I was slightly self-concious about my appearance. Yes, I was aware that some people measured a person's worth based on appearance and I wanted to be measured well by those people.

When I was in year one, my bottle of soda I took to school spilled in my schoolbag leaving it smelly and sticky. I panicked because I didn't want any adults to find out in case I got into trouble but I had no idea how I was supposed to clean it up. So I just hid it from people's eyes and every time books or paper went into my bag, they were ruined from my wet, rotten-raspberry soda flavoured backpack. I swear, I felt like I was in crisis.

My problems I experienced as a younger child looks so trivial now that when my younger sister has problems like this, I so easily brush her off and say "oh, it's nothing. Just fix it, easy as, go away. Sssh!". But to a child, their problems are massive. They haven't experienced any worse so to them, this is as bad as it gets. My sister doesn't have my level of problem solving skills and me fobbing her off certainly isn't helping.

When I was in year... four I think it was, I was living in Samoa and at school, there was this boy I really really liked (by memory, he looked like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. But that was about 8 years ago memories get less and less accurate every time you think about it and the longer amount of time since the memory was formed). His desk was next to mine in class (due to a seating plan) and I couldn't believe my luck. One lunchtime, he called me fat, laughed with his friends and from that day on, I just was just EXTREMELY embarrassed to be around him. And by the way, Samoans are the worst mockers so I didn't enjoy that very much. Yeah I'm over it now and I don't even remember the guy's name but I do remember how painful that was for me. That pain was real. And it hurt. A lot.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that don't be so quick to turn away from people's trivial problems. I mean, yeah, some things aren't worth the fuss but sometimes you have to put on someone else's shoes, tie the shoe laces and walk around in them. Relative to the universe, every one of our problems is trivial, but relative to one person's world, their problem is ginormous. So before judging or helping them, just understand that their hurt is real. Be sympathetic or empathetic (whatever works for them) but know that no matter how much you tell them things are gonna get better in the future, the present is where they're at and things suck for them. 

Or maybe it's just me but when I'm sad, mad, or glad (okay, not the last one but rhyming's fun), I don't like thinking about the future. I just think about the hurt and how much it sucks. And I think we all need to take a moment (or five) to identify the suckness of things and face it asap. Even if facing it means crying about it. Then and only then can one look to the future and start the whole getting over it process.

I don't even know if I kept on topic. I'll just proof-read.

*after reading it*

Yeah, should be fine. Aiite. 

Day two of BEDD. 

Over and out.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Friends In BEDD

Seeing as school is over, I have no plans virtually every day. So I decided to take on a project which I'm naming Blog Every Day Of December. I've seen vloggers do this so I thought I'd do the same with my blog.

And I'm making a note now that I intend on writing good content this month unlike some vloggers who upload videos talking about how they nothing to talk about but they upload it anyway because of their commitment. But that won't happen here.

Nek Minnit. One sentence blog.


Hopefully not. 

On that note, I better writing something other than an introduction eh?

I've blogged about this topic a few times before but my topic for today: Friends. And I'm not talking about the television show (although, I do like that show!). I've blogged about friends more than I have about the Biebs, nails, Paramore and Twilight (as you can see according to the sizes of the words on the right), and I'm just gonna make the "friends" just a lil' bit bigger.

I've made some new friends and gotten to know others a bit better this year. I used to not really like the thought of talking to more than say, two or three of my friends. But this year, I've branched out a lil' more and have enjoyed a good handful of friendships. Some more intimate than others (not like that!) but all were valuable.

At our lifegroup on Tueday night, we were asked what the highlight of our year has been. And I couldn't pin-point one thing. I've had so many good times this year but what I remember more than the activity itself were those who I enjoyed it with. 

Church and school are pretty much my only sources of friends (since quitting Girls Brigade) so although that may not seem like a huge population, it's heaps to me. My circles of friends have expanded and I'm so very appreciative of them.

So if you're reading this and you're my friend, I just wanna say I like you. And thanks for being my friend. And if you're not, then why the hell not? I'm a catch!

Yeah, who wouldn't wanna befriend someone who says pretentious like that? Well, at least I can back it up.

Oooh! She said that!
hahaha now I'm just having fun writing things I wouldn't say in real life because it's what I secretly think that but am not brave enough to admit it.




....that awkward moment when you think I'm serious and look at me differently.....