Monday, December 5, 2011

Commitment

Today has not ended on a very high note, I'm still currently in a not-good place that I very nearly didn't publish a blog post. I'm stressed about something that I recognise as a little thing but it's the ill-preparation and the falling apart of plans that is freaking me out. I don't want to sleep because I have not got a solution yet. I can't rest. Nope.

Where's the line between being committed and reliable to stressing yourself over things that you can just back away from? Right now, I don't feel like having friends over tomorrow, I don't feel like blogging, I don't feel like being conscious, I just wanna go into a room where time stops and lets you rest for as long as you want.

It's times like this where I rely on God to give me the peace I so desperately need. The peace of knowing that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. The peace of knowing he hears the needy cry of my heart. The peace of knowing that although I have no solution whatsoever, he'll bring me through it.

You see, my problem is that when I have plans, I intend to stick to them by the book. None of this spontaneous, go-with-the-flow kind of business. No. I have bullets points and sub-headings that organise my thoughts and calm me down. When things do not get ticked off the list, I panic.

I hate being thrown in the deep end and to think on my feet. But hey, character development right? 

*deep breath*

I still don't know what to do. Maybe I'm not meant to do anything....


Added in after publishing: I accidentally pushed "PUBLISH POST" without proof-reading or choosing a better suited blog title. That's all. 

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