Friday, December 2, 2011

Things Get Better... Just Not For Now

Reaching the wise old age of 17, I am surrounded by people who say how much they miss being in year nine, or in primary school because life was so uncomplicated and easy then and life is so much harder now.

But to me, life has never felt easy and uncomplicated. I mean, yeah it's easy now looking at my 6-year-old problems with my 17-year-old brain. But using my 6-year-old brain to solve my problems made things difficult. I remember feeling anxiety about homework when I was in year 3. I did it but I'd lost my book. And I nearly died from the panic of what my teacher would say. To me, that feeling still comes when I'm doing an all-nighter the night before an assignment is due.

When I was younger, I was slightly self-concious about my appearance. Yes, I was aware that some people measured a person's worth based on appearance and I wanted to be measured well by those people.

When I was in year one, my bottle of soda I took to school spilled in my schoolbag leaving it smelly and sticky. I panicked because I didn't want any adults to find out in case I got into trouble but I had no idea how I was supposed to clean it up. So I just hid it from people's eyes and every time books or paper went into my bag, they were ruined from my wet, rotten-raspberry soda flavoured backpack. I swear, I felt like I was in crisis.

My problems I experienced as a younger child looks so trivial now that when my younger sister has problems like this, I so easily brush her off and say "oh, it's nothing. Just fix it, easy as, go away. Sssh!". But to a child, their problems are massive. They haven't experienced any worse so to them, this is as bad as it gets. My sister doesn't have my level of problem solving skills and me fobbing her off certainly isn't helping.

When I was in year... four I think it was, I was living in Samoa and at school, there was this boy I really really liked (by memory, he looked like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. But that was about 8 years ago memories get less and less accurate every time you think about it and the longer amount of time since the memory was formed). His desk was next to mine in class (due to a seating plan) and I couldn't believe my luck. One lunchtime, he called me fat, laughed with his friends and from that day on, I just was just EXTREMELY embarrassed to be around him. And by the way, Samoans are the worst mockers so I didn't enjoy that very much. Yeah I'm over it now and I don't even remember the guy's name but I do remember how painful that was for me. That pain was real. And it hurt. A lot.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that don't be so quick to turn away from people's trivial problems. I mean, yeah, some things aren't worth the fuss but sometimes you have to put on someone else's shoes, tie the shoe laces and walk around in them. Relative to the universe, every one of our problems is trivial, but relative to one person's world, their problem is ginormous. So before judging or helping them, just understand that their hurt is real. Be sympathetic or empathetic (whatever works for them) but know that no matter how much you tell them things are gonna get better in the future, the present is where they're at and things suck for them. 

Or maybe it's just me but when I'm sad, mad, or glad (okay, not the last one but rhyming's fun), I don't like thinking about the future. I just think about the hurt and how much it sucks. And I think we all need to take a moment (or five) to identify the suckness of things and face it asap. Even if facing it means crying about it. Then and only then can one look to the future and start the whole getting over it process.

I don't even know if I kept on topic. I'll just proof-read.

*after reading it*

Yeah, should be fine. Aiite. 

Day two of BEDD. 

Over and out.

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