Tuesday, January 31, 2012

You're Beautiful... nek minit....

Semi-angry ranting I think...

Okay for the purposes of this blog I'm going to need for you to understand what I mean by the words "pretty" and "ugly".
Pretty: As in, hollywood pretty, television pretty, you know, THAT pretty. Clear skin, skinny (but not too skinny), clean, tamed hair etc etc etc
Ugly: Opposite to the above.

Please no "everyone's beautiful on the inside" comments (for the few ones that do...). I just need words that distinguinsh the two groups and I'm working with what the English language gave me.

ANYWHO, onto what I was meaning to talk about...

I don't know about you but it gets to me when pretty people sing and have music videos from the point of view of an ugly person. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but I've been noticing it a lot lately so it's been smacking me in the face.... Bruno Mars' song Just The Way You Are was the start of it for me (maybe people did it before but this one was so in my face so I took notice). My friend pointed it out when the music video first came out but I didn't care all that much. But now... lol.  The lyrics read "...when I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change. 'Cos your amazing, just the way you are...". Well of COURSE you like her face - it took a hair and make-up team to make that face look good. Plus she has a pretty hot body plus an even tan and all her teeth and stuff. The song and the music video just don't relate. If you really wanted to make a point - put an ugly girl there, sing to her and REALLY say you love her just the way she is.

(I hate to use these guys as an example cos I think they're just sweet... but...) One Direction's song What Makes You Beautiful sings about that one girl who doesn't know she's beautiful but it's exactly THAT that makes her beautiful, with the lyrics being "...you don't know you're beautiful, that's what makes you beautiful..." I mean, I get it that some pretty people may legit not see that they're beautiful, but it's more common that ugly people don't see they're beautiful. But the video girls are all skinny (but that hot skinny, not the anorexia one...) and just all-round music-video ready.

I get that people on television "have" to look way prettier than in every day life because that's the way it is in our culture - but when they do with hand-in-hand with "you're beautiful on the inside so that makes you beautiful on the outside" messages, it's just not cool. But you know, prettyness sells more than averageness or ugliness. Outside prettyness is corelated with good things - health, kindness, beauty, love etc. When we see pretty - we see these things. So these pretty girls dancing to inspirational songs are just a whole lotta good things for our eyes and ears.

But where does leave the ugly people? In a place where they think no one will see their inner beauty unless they have outer beauty. Or is that just me......

I have more to say on this but I'll leave it here because I'm starting to legit get angry amd I don't want to be....

Also, just to clear things up, I've had some pretty good days since my last blog so I hope you don't think these past few days have been hell just because I went from sad post to angry ranting post. I've been very happy between this and my previous post. Just for proof:

Eek! Uneven eyebrows... I'm so unbeautiful!.... So that's makes me beautiful right??...

Something good about today: 
My sister who lives in Samoa is here for a visit. I've missed her heaps!! We're making the most of her time here but drinking hot drinks and staying home. Good times....

Friday, January 27, 2012

One Of Those Days...

If you're having a swell day - don't read this.
If you want something happy, insightful or inspiring - definitely don't read this.
If you're just not patient about a bit of whining - don't read this.
This is will be boring, dull and maybe depressing..... don't say I didn't warn you.

Today has felt super super long - and not in a good way. More of a "ohmygosh just finish already" way. Like sitting in last period class at school just looking at the clock and wish it'll speed up already. I tried to nap the day away but I only slept for like an hour...
A lot of tiny things just kept adding to a pile of suckness. If they were stand-alone downsides, I guess I'd be able to get over them - but all together, not so much. I'm just in that "can't be bothered" mood... I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to try make things better, I don't want advice, I don't want sympathy. I just am in this rut of a mood where everything sucks and I can't really say why.

I usually hate myself for feeling like this and am annoyed for sounding like a little swine but I'm trying not to. I'm trying to just let myself feel this way without hating myself for feeling this way...

I initially wanted to post this with some kind of resolution and healing part but to be honest, I'd only want to write that so you reader can think I'm okay now. But I'm not. And it's okay that I'm not okay right? I don't know how to explain but hopefully you understand.

Okay, I'm going to stop now. The reason I wanted to write this was because I've gone too long without posting something. Sorry that what I DID post was a bit crap. Thanks for reading this far.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

I Don't Want To Go Back

...to school.

But I have to because it's a thing that humans do to get educated and hopefully know enough stuff to qualify to get educated some more to know more stuff to hopefully know enough to use that knowledge and skill to earn money to make being alive as an adult not ridiculously difficult and boring.
(Hey long-unsophisticated-sentence-that-will-kill-English-teachers hey!)

I still don't want to go back. I've been on holiday since mid November which thinking about it now - is a LONG time considering my mum only had about two weeks in total during these holidays. But I'm not thinking about my two and a half months of forgetting everything I've learnt and just doing whatever. I'm thinking about the eight days I have left - two of them (next Tues and Wed) will be spent at school for stuff in preparation for the actual school year.

And it's not like I'm gutted to go back because I've been having such a blast these holidays... Most of my days consist of "nothing much", the internet and hanging out with my two cousins who live like, a minute's walk away. But I love the late nights and sleeping in. I LOVE it. But all things come to an end - especially the good things.

So I'll make a list of good things that school will do for me to distract me (even if momentarily) from the school work, assignments, tests and cold early mornings.

1. I get to see my friends!! :D These holidays, I've only hung out with three of my friends (I DO have more you know!) so I'm siked to see everyone else. I miss them so much!

2. Living everyday interacting with a lot of different humans might give me something interesting to blog about. Sitting at home everyday doing the same thing with the same people (although works for and deeply satisfies me) makes for uninteresting blog topics for people who are not us.

3. I am definitely am not the only teenager who doesn't look forward to this and there's something about mutual suckiness that makes suckiness less suck. A problem shared is a problem halved (or quartered or however many pieces there are depending on how many want to have a slice of your problem).

4.  One day when you're BIG AND STRONG..... YOU WILL BE A KIIING!!...... Oh wait, I'm not Kovu... But I have been on a Lion King 2 Buzz recently. I really really like it - maybe even more than the first one... (ducks from rotten tomatoes thrown by die-hard lovers of the first one).

Back to the original subject, it's my last year at high school so I better soak up as much of it as possible. I will miss it according to uni students I know. Apparently, the high school work load is like children's play compared to what university offers. This is is a year for last-time-I-do-this so let's make the last-time-you'll-have-a-first-day-back-at-school special, or at least, not sucky.

Something good about today:
At church tonight a friend of mine performed her poetry in a hip-hop kind of style. Very moving - I cried silent tears... I was very grateful for the dark auditorium...

Saturday, January 21, 2012


The most hardworking man I know. And very selfless - he hates it when we splurge on him! He always wants what's best for his seven children and asks for very little back (just a cup of black coffee every now and then). He has his quirks that definitely make him one of a kind. He's very giving - even when there's not much to give and he's on a tight budget, he'll spot me some money just because. He's a man of few words but his actions speak loud of his big heart.

Happy Birthday Dad.

Ageing is definitely your friend.

Something good about today:
See above post. LOL Also, the house was fairly empty today and since there was just four of us at home, mum ordered pizza for dinner. This is a luxury we very seldom indulge in. Mmm.... spinach and feta pizza...

Golden Globe Awards 2012: Dresses

Once again, just sharing my fave dresses at this year's at the Golden Globes.The actual award show wasn't that exciting cos I pretty much hadn't seen any of the films up for awards but the red carpet was of course, the highlight of the day!

Angelina Jolie

Claire Danes

and my favourite......

Emma Stone
So not OTT and not a boring nude toned dress.
(as you can tell, I'm not exactly a good red carpet analysist bit whatevs :P)

Being A Female

I have 13cents to my name which is the reason that I have forsaken my brows and 'stache (which the profesh peeps call 'upper lip'. But who are we kidding - it's a mo!). They grow fast and kinda thick. So I thought I should do something about it. Pull out what I can without completely messing it up so when I DO eventually go to the eyebrow waxing place at the mall, they will have enough to work with.

As I sat here plucking at one hair one at a time on my "upper lip", the skin slowly became more and more red and the pain increased when I wasn't careful enough. As I picked and plucked I thought to myself, "what the heck am I doing??!". Why am I putting myself through this pain? My biology is programmed to have hair grow there. Why fight against it? Men don't. Just us women who go through hell to look like cleaner versions of men.

I mean, I know the standard of women's appearance were higher than that of men's for centuries!! Way before Maybelline and Cover Girl and the modelling industry. I understand that it would probably take centuries more to change society's thinking.

If women groomed with as much effort as men did, the two sexes wouldn't look that much different. But as is stands, girls shave their legs and pretty much everywhere else, they even learn to do a "no-makeup makeup look". They tame the hair and smell nice. Men may not notice the amount of effort women put into looking the way they do but I bet you they will notice when they don't. And it's not just with makeup, but other maintenance stuffs (hair removal mainly).

I'm not that girl who's going to then say I'm gonna make a stand and not try to measure up to this standard. Because this is my standard and I don't have the balls to change them. So now that the redness on my skin has died down a bit, I shall resume my mundane task of trying to look less like the male version of our species.

Something Good About Today:
Singing Tarzan, Lion King (1 & 2) and other Disney movie songs with the cousins. Just put me in the mood for a Dinsey movie night....

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Niece's Cuteness

My sister and her baby (or toddler) lives with us and she's just the most adorable human living here. I love her enthusiasm for life and her cheeky grin and fobby tendencies (I say tendencies but it's really just all the time) and most of all (cos I'm needy), I like that she likes me. I don't generally seek the approval or affection from children but when it comes to her, I just really want to be liked by her.

I love cuddling her and kissing her marshmallow-soft cheeks and trying to piece her words together to make some sense of them (which, is getting easier cos she's improving on her communcation skills). She's very talkative and love loves LOVES to dance. "Siva Aunty Lawlaw, siva!".

I'm not a children person but this one, this one I like.

Her mother went out to the shops for about half an hour and after a while, the niece started getting a bit whiney and wanted her mother. She kept pointing to the front door and insisted that we go outside to go to her. I tried soothing her with words, toys and my sisters keyboard but she wouldn't have it. The lady wanted what she wanted and was not settling for any less.... or so I thought. I reached into the pantry and pulled out two chocolate drops. The size of chocolate chips but round. I put one in each hand and she knew immediately what to do with them.

She ate them fairly quickly and her big brown eyes expanded in awe. "Choc-lat aunty, one more, one more!". She started getting crazy loopy and jumping around and grabing my hands and spinning around. Who would've thought these little things would affect a 2-year-old this much?? It was like she was on crack (which, it probably is like for toddlers).

I don't really know where I was going with this story, I guess I just wanted to re-live her cute googly eyes and laughter.

Something good about today:
My very very good friend of mine gave me my Christmas present today - A DOCTOR WHO CALENDER!
I love Doctor Who AND calenders so this present took my breath away. I can't tell you how much I love this. And it's probably hard for you to comprehend how much this 17-year-old Samoan likes calenders.... but it's huge, trust me (I got one last Christmas too. lol). 

I just want to make plans now just to write on this bad-boy.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Hanging Out In The Real World

I've found that in the past two days, I've spent quite a lot of time in the real world hanging out with 3D people doing things not involving the computer screen. Seeing friends is always fun. Much more satisfying than merely txting or fb-ing - especially when they shout the feed! :D Conversation in person flows more and it's easier and more gratifying. I like talking. It's one of my favourite things to do with people. But laughing's my favourite.

Something good about today:
Our church had a picnic at the beach in Maraetai and my friends and I spent the day playing cards and talking. I watched as they attempted a game of volleyball. We walked for a bit on the sand and even dipped our feet in the water. I won our card game, Phase Ten. Just sayin'. 

Friday, January 13, 2012

SGAED: Family

Something good about today:
Nothing like sitting around and just chatting with the siblings and cousins. We can just sit outside on the swing chair and just hang. Unlike fit and adventurous people, we don't need activities to entertain us. Good ol' hot drinks and biscuits help, but the company is always good. I'm blessed to have such a cool family that I genuinely like.  

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Fresh And Clean

There's nothing like having a shower to wash off dirt, oil and a negative attitude. Showering wakes me up a little, makes me smell nicer and perks up my spirits. It's so refreshing and I always feel better after having one. There's something about the warm water's constant flowing or the sweet smelling shampoo or the fact that no one is bothering you. That's where blogging ideas come the most. Or a revelation from The Big Guy upstairs.

I sit here with fresh hair, clean face, clean pajamas in a happier state of mind.

Something good about today:
I went on an impromptu beach trip with my aunty, cousins and little sister. Trying to make the most of the few sunny days.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

SGAED: Weet-Bix

Something good about today:

I had weet-bix and peaches for dinner. It felt so good to have something that isn't a sugar or salt overload. Also, I got a fb message from my friend who just returned from holiday in Samoa. I missed having regular contact with her.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Mental Blogging In Bed - Judging People

As I was trying to fall asleep, my ming started wandering around I did some mental blogging. I ended up forcing myself to get up to record these thoughts in the likelihood that come tomorrow, I would've forgotten everything...

When I watch movies or television shows, I always pick which characters I do and do not like and which ones I route for. Whether or not the bad guy and good guy are black and white, I try to decide for myself which character I think would have been a better person given different circumstances.

But the amount of information I have is very limited to know for sure what a person is like. SPOILER ALERT FOR HARRY POTTER (though seriously, if you still haven't read/watched the last book/movie, but would like to, you don't deserve a spoiler warning). Anyway, we find out in the end that Snape was in fact not a bad guy and was in fact one of and if not, the most loyal one to Dumbledore with [one of] the hardest job. All of sudden, he no longer just a sinister unsympathetic Death Eater, he's a heart-broken man and a victim of the deepest, strongest, unrequited love. Who did everything he could (which was ALOT) to honor that love. He was so brave, so strong.

Even though he was stink to Harry and every other student that wasn't Draco, it was easier now to not focus so much on that.

We see in real life people what they let us see. Nearly everyone has some sort of front they put up to hide what they really think/feel. We get judged by our actions from strangers because actions is all the evidence they have on our character. We do bad things, we get judged badly. Then there are the ones who've known us for longer who recognize our typical behavior and we grown accustomed to those people. And sometimes, we learn to tolerate it because it's the norm.

But there are those special people who know us really well. Who know what we really feel about things, who know our heart. Those people are the most sympathetic, the most patient, the most accepting out of the humans we know. They don't judge us merely but our actions because they not only see our actions, they see where they've stemmed from. They know our bad habits, our mistakes and they love us anyway. They forgive because they love.

Which got me thinking about God. He knows our character inside and out. He sees our thinking process and understands our reasoning of action. He knows when there's no reasoning at all and if it were merely recklessness. But only he knows for sure why we do what we do so only he can really fully make a sound judgement call about us. He knows everyone's life story and he's able to act accordingly. We only see in people what people let us see. God sees in people what's there.

I don't know where I was heading with this and it feels like it's unconcluded. I may have swerved off topic and for that I apologise. I'm fatigued and I shan't proofread this seemingly long post. I may delete it when I wake up if I read it tomorrow and dislike it. We'll see.

Okay, bye :)

Being An Aunty

One of my nieces lives in Wellington and she came up to Auckland in the weekend (now when I say she came up, she came up with her parents. She's only 3.). And what I noticed and kept saying was how much she'd grown! She was taller and was able to talk more. She was much more mature and I couldn't get over how much she'd grown in the 8 months since I last saw her.

This reminded me of all those times I would see old relatives I hadn't seen since I was a little girl in Samoa and they would be all "Oh my goodness Laura you're so big now (both in age and size. You know Samoan adults. So tactful and sensitive). You've grown so much". And I just smile and stand there but inside I think to myself "Well, yeah, of course I grew up. Mitosis isn't exactly optional". 

But now I know what it's like for them. I understand. And I want to slap younger me for being a lil' impatient arse. 

Something good about today:

Peanut was being really cute all day and wanted to play with me. She's so playful and I'm sure she KNOWS she's adorable and just milks it. But I'm not complaining.

Have a good day :)


Something good about today: (8th Jan)

My niece turned two and she's adorable. Love you Peanut!
Also, dessert (ambrosia and truffle) were delish!!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

A Wedding

Like yesterday's post, I'm writing for the 7th Jan. Today I was actually living in the 3D world all day that I didn't get a chance to blog on the right date.

My cousin got married and it was lovely! She was beautiful, the venue was quaint and although it rained all day, spirits were high and tears were flowing.

The whole day was fun! Spending the day with family and even some of the groom's family was cool. Also, being part of the dances we did for the reception wasn't too horrible. All for you Polo! Love you! :D

Happy Marriage! :)

Saturday, January 7, 2012

I Make My Own Rules

After doing BEDD last month, I find blogging harder. Now that there's nothing holding me responsible, I struggle to write.  I love writing blogs though. It's fun and stuff (I like writing "and stuff" at the end of sentences, even though there's no other stuff). I like the structure that rules provides. Barriers and code of conduct are amazing guides. So I'm starting a new blog project in the spirit of the New Year and everyone is on a positive high where everything is fresh, new and oh so possible. So every day for the rest of the month, I will post something good about each day.

Today, I was in a pretty terrible mood and a friend said to tell them just one good thing that happened that day. And I was too sad to think of anything. And without thinking of something good, how was I going to get away from thinking about bad things which just bring me down even more?

Unlike BEDD, these posts may be only one sentence or a whole story. But by highlighting the good in every day, having a bad day would be difficult - and that's good. 

Even though it's the early morning of the 7th of Jan, I haven't slept yet so I'll write something good that happened on the 6th....

My sister who lives in Wellington came up today with her husband and daughter!! YAY! *fireworks* *party poppers* *those things you blow and they unwrap out of a spiral* I haven't seen them in forevs and I missed them a lot. 

Also, I encourage you faithful few to comment and tell me something good about your day for each post you read (even if that day has past). Share the good stuff :)

Hmm... what shall I call this thing?

Umm... I'll go with Something Good About Every Day a.k.a SGAED. And I think I'd rather say the whole "Something Good About Every Day" name rather than saying the stupid sounding acronym.

Have a good day. Then write about it. That's the plan. 

Ia, fa.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Do It Like On TV

In Sex And The City, when Carrie writes in her column for whatever she works for, it always relates to what she's going through in that episode. Her dramatic life gives her something to write about. I wanted to adopt that same principles and write about what I learn on a day-to-day basis.

But I don't do much. If my life was a reality television show - we won't even film a whole season's worth. There's not much activity and barely any drama. So it seems like I have nothing to write about. So I regard my days as pretty useless and pretty boring. 

Today, I was experiencing great happiness practicing a dance with my cousin for my other cousin's wedding tomorrow and we were acting really stupid and nonsensical and it was great fun. Then about ten minutes ago, I was in such a bad mood. I can't even put my finger on it. I have my period so I guess that has something to do with it. I'm also quite tired so maybe that contributes. And my meals today have consisted of 3 breakfast crackers and a glass of Coke Zero so again, perhaps another factor.

So at the end of the day when I sit down to write a blog about something about today, I don't really know what to say. I want to write SOMETHING simply because I love writing things about things. But today, I don't really feel like I've learnt anything. Which doesn't suit well with me. Or maybe I did learn something that my bad mood is clouding and I should wait until my head is unfogged.

Something something something blah blah blah.......

Bye :)

(I love how easy it is to write an emoticon despite what you're actually feeling)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

New Year

Original title right?

After blogging nearly every day last month, I feel so free now not having to post a blog every day! Yess! I AM MY OWN MAN!!! *celebratory dance*

I told myself that I wouldn't set myself up for disappointment by not having an official new year's resolution. But during the end of last year and beginning of this year, I made mental notes on things I want to do this year without realizing that this is what people do when they mean make a new year's resolution. So I have a few:

- Get level 3 with excellence endorsement
- Join the school's Samoan dance group
- Eat mostly (or only) free range animals/eggs
- Eat healthy, maybe exercise to look hot for the brother's wedding near the end of the year (thank goodness it's far away).

Three negative thoughts that spring to mind asap about these four:

- I haven't even got my level 2 results from last year yet. What if I didn't as well as I thought I did? What if I didn't get level 2 endorsed?
- They practice like crazy! They go on for ages after school. Am I really willing to put in the required amount of energy, time and enthusiasm even when it becomes less fun and more work?
- Caged animals are affordable, I'm not Bill Gates niece or anything....

Okay, I need to balance it with four not negatives:

- No matter what results come in the mail, I'm gonna work to make THIS year's marks excellent (literally).
- People have a blast at PolyFest. Good times, new friends, it's what I hear. Just use this chance to try something fun and different - it's my last year at high school, let's do SOMETHING un-academic.
- Save lunch money to buy own stuff from supermarket - make own lunch. 'Tis a way to grow up a little.
- Umm... there are billions of blogs that could help me. Lol. (I can't believe that's all I could think of).