Saturday, February 11, 2012

I feel like my brain had been squished and squirted out random thoughts...

I haven't posted in 10 days. It's felt like forever for me....

I really like my English teacher. Is it weird that I try to act too eager in her class? Like I'm trying to impress her or something... I like all my teachers actually, I just feel like if I were a bit (lol, a bit) older, I'd wanna be my English teacher's friend... yeah...... I'm cool...

Disney movie songs make me happy. Enchanted, Tarzan, Mulan, Lion King (1&2), Tangled and others. Wouldn't be cool to own physical copies of their soundtacks? Cool indeed.

I've found that with some friends, I grow to like the things they like because I like them and they like those things. Those things then have this good connotation which makes me like those things more (wait... is this how conforming starts??....meh....). If I met someone and they told me they loved dancing naked to High School Musical songs, I'd kinda smile awkwardly and back off.... But if one of my good friends told me the same bizzare fact, I'd be more open-minded.

For ages, I've felt like I act older than the average person my age. I think that's because I've been self-conscious since ages ages AGES ago, and I didn't want anyone to hate me so I behaved well (except to my older brother who I remember being a pain to). I didn't understand why people were so disruptive in class and why they answered back or generally disobedient. Why they didn't shut up in class or got on with what they're meant to be doing? I've always been what is known as a "goody-good" (I hate the sound of that term). But now in my last year of high school, I feel like people my age group have caught up. How do I say this without sounding so high and mighty... *deep breath*. I feel like I'm at a age where I can be around people my age who will act mature and save sillyness and roudiness for appropriate times. Teachers go on a lot about how "you guys are year 13's now so I trust you to know what to do....etc etc". And I'm so glad that, a lot of the time - they're true. Well, the people in MY classes anyway. This paragraph is too long for me to proof-read....

My brain feels jumbled. When I'm away from the laptop, I have tons of things to say, thoughts churn and I have a good ol' time in this noggin of mine. Then I sit here, stare at the screen and the thoughts flee. Or they starting mushing in with each other and I find it hard to make sense of it all.

Be Yourself. Sometimes I pretend to have certain personality traits or quirks so certain people will like me. But seriously, there is no feeling like having someone like you for exactly who you are - well, at least, that's how I feel. It's kinda scary being honest about who I am because I want certain people to like me, to approve. It's so liberating when I learn to just be myself around other people. There's less pressure and I enjoy being alive. I don't act honestly ALL the time but I'm getting there.

Sometimes I daydream about moving to a different country far away (not like Samoa or Australia). Moving somewhere foreign where no one knows who I am, who my family are - or even about my country! Where I would make news friends, go to a new school and live in a new house. Deleting my facebook page and having little contact to my old life. It's an exciting fantasy but not one that I'd actually put into play. Well.... not until I'm older.....

Wouldn't it be cool if enough humans were nocturnal enough that we'd have a town of nocturnal people?

Getting real life comments about my blog gives me mixed emotions. On one hand, I'm flattered that people actually READ it. But on the other, it makes me a bit nervous about what I write knowing that people who know me read it.... Suck it up and post it anyway darnnit!!! Okay....

I think this rambling has gone on enough... till next time, byyyye! :D

2 comments:

  1. So glad to hear that you are enjoying school. I love the bit where you wrote, 'This paragraph is too long for me to proof-read...' because that's how I feel about some of my posts (especially the ones I write at ungodly hours). Your teachers are very lucky to have a student like you - mature, serious about doing work and achieving. Have a great week!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Disney Soundtracks FOR THE WIN! I bought my sister a second hand compilation of Disney songs for her birthday a couple of years ago and it's become a bit of a guilty pleasure for me :D

    ReplyDelete