Saturday, March 24, 2012

A Week Later...

This time last week I think we would've finished our performance with almost everyone about to or actually crying over the disappointment of our Polyfest performance. But I'll come back to that.

I'm so happy to have my afternoons and ESPECIALLY my Saturdays back. Practices were long and tiring and I'd never appreciate my free time so much! I loved waking up this morning at 10 something without worrying about getting to practice before 11am.

So, Polyfest was last week. It was... a rollercoaster. We arrived, grew excited, then nervous, then excited, then afterwards.... really bummed. Maybe we were too hard on ourselves, maybe we had ridiculous expectations, maybe we were too overwhelmed by the supporting crowd - they were LOUD!! So loud in fact, a lot of us missed our "tulolo" cue. I shudder at the memory... So many mistakes were made, mistakes that we all could not ignore... It was easy to forgive others for their mistakes but so hard for people (me included) to forgive their own mistakes. Everyone's spirits just dwindled.

That was, until we got second place! Everyone's mood changed drastically and life was breathed back into the group! We hugged, laughed and chanted "REWA". We remember the good in our performance and how beautiful everyone was.

So now I look back at the fond memories we shared. The billions of Doritos chip packets, the laughs, that feeling from getting the moves right, the laughs, the friendships made, the laughs, performing on stage and wowing our family and friends, the laughs. We're performing one last time at school in two weeks and I can't wait. One last time.

I love seeing some of the group around school and exchanging a 'sup' nod and a smile, or even a proper 'hello'. It's like when the Hobbits returned to The Shire and they all shared an understanding and an unforgettable journey that had so many ups and downs that changed their lives forever that no one else would ever understands. Yeah, it feels something like that. No one else really knows the physical and emotional pain the group went through. No one else really knows what it's like to spend hours in the school gym after a tiring day at school practicing with only about a fifteen minute total break. No one really knows how stressful the tutors, teacher and students got. No one really understands how hard it was to perform at a defeaning crowd, missing our cues, getting the wrong actions but still keep going with a smile plastered on our faces. No one really understands the tears that flowed when we thought we failed. No one really understands the triumph and absolute joy we felt we found out we didn't.

I miss seeing the group 6 times a week for hours on end. Thanks everyone for the memories. Thanks tutors for your brilliant choreography and songs. Thanks for not giving up on us when we gave you so many reasons to. Thank you Mrs So'oaemalelagi for holding us in a special part of your heart and for treating us with love and grace - it was not easy. Also, thanks for making me a leader. I both very shocked and quite pleased :D

Thanks everyone who watched and supported us. Thanks everyone who didn't watch and still supported us :)

Ua sau le itula
Talulu lima ma fa'atofa
A fai ua sipa o se malaga
Fa'amolemole, lafo i fogava'a. 

Prayer once we arrived
The guys' pre-show prayer

Beginning of sāsā

The leaders

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

No Pain No Gain

About half an hour ago, I logged on to my school's website to look over files my teachers have used in class and uploaded online for us, and I had a few messages from one of my teachers. Reminding us about homework and cool stuff like that! (in case she's reading... lol!). Anyway, one of her messsages had the phrase "NO PAIN NO GAIN". Yep, in capitals.

Which is exactly what I needed. Lately with Polyfest practices and school, I've been perpetually tired. When I get home in the evenings, I'm too tired to be productive so I just watched television with my very bad influence of a brother (lol, kidding Jabs! :D) and then finally motivate myself to get up and start homework at.... uhh.... 11:30ish....

No pain, no gain. If I give in and just not do my homework or not practice as hard during Polyfest practices, I won't get the outcome or satisfaction I want. Nothing worth earning comes easy - and it shouldn't, it's what makes it worth so much in the first place. Ordinary people can do extraordinary things. I'm not trying to be self-righteous but I know that mere me can get through this - on top as well. Not alone of course :)

Don't give up. This is what I'm telling myself. This is what I'm telling you. Don't give up. It's a phrase used a lot that it starts to lose its impact. But don't give up.

I'd just like to point out that this is mentality is contrary to what I normally think. I'd usually re-evaluate why I'm even committed to something that's not schoolwork, why I'm giving up hours and hours and energy to something that'll be over and done in about 20mins. I would usually think how tired I am during class time and whether or not performing on that stage is really worth it.

I've decided it is. I know going to school means academics are at the top of the to-do list. But all these 5-years at high school, all I've been doing is academic stuff. No extra-curricular stuff, nothing. Just school, homework, assignments and exams. This is my chance to do something different. Something hard actually.
I've never worked so hard in all my high school years than I do during our Samoan Group practices. I've never been more disciplined and never felt so socially challenged.
It physically HURTS to repeat certain actions over, and over, and OVER again. To spend what feels like years on your knees in your starting position waiting for the excited and chatty to settle down. To move with precision, speed AND a smile. To sing loud and on tune. To not fiddle even the slightest EVER. I don't think I've ever worked this hard before in school. Behind all my complaints about being tired and sore from practices, I'm thankful to experience this. It has taught me discipline and that I have not been working to my full capacity - these 5+ hour practices have shown me that.

Another thing it's done is forced me to interact with different people. Which was pretty much the scariest part of joining the group. None of my close circle of friends joined so I felt a bit excluded at first... Everyone was so..... different than to what I was used to. But it's different now. It's good now. I like seeing these guys at around school. Even exchanging a smile to someone who I didn't even know before is nice. No, we may never be BFFs but even the smallest connections with people can be special.

And last but certainly NOT least, it feels good to be doing something SAMOAN. I've been told by people that I'm pretty much a white person with brown skin. Even though these are light jokes (maybe not...) but it still kind of got to me that I didn't reflect the Samoan in me. If it weren't for my pigments, I don't think people would believe me! And it's not merely being in the "Samoan Group" that makes me feel Samoan. Being in the Samoan for the amount of time that I am has gotten me into speaking it more, enjoying the fresh humour and untactful bluntness that no one deems 'awkward'.

Sure, your food disappears asap and everyone talks ALL. THE. TIME - I can't help but remember the good things most of all. That's love though right? You see the best in them and it just outshines any flaws that poke you in the eye.

But seriously, I need to go to sleep now..... there's practice tomorrow.... oh, and there's school too. lol

Less than 6 hours sleep - yay! :D

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I Can't Focus

When I get a blog idea, I open a new tab, type in, log in, start writing then in the middle of it, I open another new tab because I've thought of something ELSE I wanted to do on the internet. Then once I've done that thing for like, 5 mins, I return to my blog tab and I've just forgotten what I was going to say.

Internet A.D.D? I think so.

I've exited the fb tab because I keep glancing at it in the middle of typing to see if there's a "(1)" there. Oh how that number warms my heart. I'm disgusting - I know. Don't judge me.

So today two All Black dudes and a Shortland Street guy came to our school. Well, there weren't for the WHOLE school. I think they were there to talk to students who play rugby...?? I don't know. Well they were THERE and there were girls screaming for/at them. I see it on movies all the time, girls screaming like wild animals, but to witness in REAL LIFE! - I didn't know people actually did that..... to All Blacks and Shortland St actors. Seriously, when was the last time anyone watched Shortland St? And when was the last time anyone talked about the All Blacks? I know when - the Rugby World Cup... then we didn't care about them that much.... well, that's the impression I got from fb.

Well, I'm grateful for their visit because that meant our Samoan Group practice was delayed because the teacher felt that such an occasion allowed for an exception. So I was able to get my calculus homework done so I didn't have to do it when I got home at around 8:30. So thank you Sonny Bill Williams and co. You're not ugly, but scream-worthy...? Hmmm.... well, maybe for the author of Telesa.

Also, I've "hidden" all the fb posts that flooded my news feed about their visit to the school. I couldn't stand it. I mean, it's kinda cute when girls are all like "omg so-and-so-famous is like so totally hot!" but multiply that by EVERY GIRL AT SCHOOL just makes it unbearable. Thank goodness you can "hide story".

What did I need to do tonight? Read about the subject we're currently studying in Bio, write an experiment discussion for physics and write balanced redox equations for chemistry. What did I do instead? Watch television, eat chocolate and paint my nails with my sister. Seriously, how do teachers work all day and night?! Superhumans man.

So, I have science homework to do, a shower to take, hair to wash and tame and sleep to finally get around to.

Goodnight world! :)

Sunday, March 4, 2012

It's times like these I wish this was a private blog...

I've written three unrelated blog posts but each time, I felt like I would get into trouble for writing it, or people I know may get offended, or embarrassed. Maybe I should just delete this blog in case I say something... bad.

I love writing and writing what I think. But lately, I've been writing things that well, I wouldn't normally TELL anyone - so broadcasting it to everyone seems a bit much. I don't usually talk about uncomfortable stuff with people I know. It's my fault really because I always try avoid it. It's too awkward. I don't want to offend or put anyone off. I hate crying.

Which is why I think I don't have many close friends. I mean, I have loyal and really cool friends who I consider to be the best. But there's not many (if any) who I really am completely open with. I think of the closest friends I have from school and church and anywhere else, and not many really know that much about me. My close family members know the most but lately, I'm starting to hesitate telling THEM stuff.

I hate opening up to people. Possibly because of past rejection (I haven't really thought about it till right now, writing). I have a friend from school who I used to share ALOT with. Now, it seems like all we ever do is small talk. It's ridiculously enjoyable small talk - but it's still small talk.

I even feel too nervous to write things on here because real life people I know read it and that used to be cool for a while but now I'm not too sure. I don't want to write for other people. I don't want this to be an entertaining blog where I tell you interesting things. I want this to be my place I can "talk" all I want and not have to worry about what people from church would think, or what my family would think or if the people from school see me differently.

Maybe what I'm doing is dishing out for compliments - I'm certainly getting that impression from reading this. Why do care so much? I'm now very impatient with myself for writing all this. Ugh. Bi-polar much?

I miss writing freely. I used to find it so easy to write my thoughts. Maybe I'll try again sometime this week...

I can't even be bothered proof-reading this. I don't even want to read it again....

Have a not sucky week! :D