Sunday, March 4, 2012

It's times like these I wish this was a private blog...

I've written three unrelated blog posts but each time, I felt like I would get into trouble for writing it, or people I know may get offended, or embarrassed. Maybe I should just delete this blog in case I say something... bad.

I love writing and writing what I think. But lately, I've been writing things that well, I wouldn't normally TELL anyone - so broadcasting it to everyone seems a bit much. I don't usually talk about uncomfortable stuff with people I know. It's my fault really because I always try avoid it. It's too awkward. I don't want to offend or put anyone off. I hate crying.

Which is why I think I don't have many close friends. I mean, I have loyal and really cool friends who I consider to be the best. But there's not many (if any) who I really am completely open with. I think of the closest friends I have from school and church and anywhere else, and not many really know that much about me. My close family members know the most but lately, I'm starting to hesitate telling THEM stuff.

I hate opening up to people. Possibly because of past rejection (I haven't really thought about it till right now, writing). I have a friend from school who I used to share ALOT with. Now, it seems like all we ever do is small talk. It's ridiculously enjoyable small talk - but it's still small talk.

I even feel too nervous to write things on here because real life people I know read it and that used to be cool for a while but now I'm not too sure. I don't want to write for other people. I don't want this to be an entertaining blog where I tell you interesting things. I want this to be my place I can "talk" all I want and not have to worry about what people from church would think, or what my family would think or if the people from school see me differently.

Maybe what I'm doing is dishing out for compliments - I'm certainly getting that impression from reading this. Why do care so much? I'm now very impatient with myself for writing all this. Ugh. Bi-polar much?

I miss writing freely. I used to find it so easy to write my thoughts. Maybe I'll try again sometime this week...

I can't even be bothered proof-reading this. I don't even want to read it again....

Have a not sucky week! :D

4 comments:

  1. I know how you feel. Some days I post something really honest and then a few days later I delete it because I remember that my blog is not private and one day, I could have something misquoted and misunderstood. I really can't be bothered trying to correct people. I wish I was brave - really brave and didn't give a fiddler's fart what anyone thought. So Laura, be brave, be yourself and write what you want to write. Have a great week : )

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  2. Ahh thank you soo much! :D I needed that.
    *giant cyber blogger hug*

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  3. Wow, I totally get you on this! I've been trying to be more positive and encouraging and all that jazz, but obviously that's work in progress, and in the meantime I have come across a lot of blog-worthy (slash rant-worthy) things.

    Last weekend we were at a church camp, so had no internet BUT was in rant mode, so I wrote a whole blog entry but couldn't post it. I found out it was the writing process that I needed. When we finally got home I was in a different place (figurately...ha!) from where I was when I wrote it, so it's not going to be posted.

    PS. I don't give any work people my blog info, just in cases. Lol! ;)

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  4. lol @ different place!

    I sometimes think about writing destressing stuff about Samoan Group practice but I don't wanna get kicked out. LOL!

    I've written stuff on paper before when I couldn't acess internet asap. Then when I DO get on, I've lost the buzz. lol

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