I've written three unrelated blog posts but each time, I felt like I would get into trouble for writing it, or people I know may get offended, or embarrassed. Maybe I should just delete this blog in case I say something... bad.
I love writing and writing what I think. But lately, I've been writing things that well, I wouldn't normally TELL anyone - so broadcasting it to everyone seems a bit much. I don't usually talk about uncomfortable stuff with people I know. It's my fault really because I always try avoid it. It's too awkward. I don't want to offend or put anyone off. I hate crying.
Which is why I think I don't have many close friends. I mean, I have loyal and really cool friends who I consider to be the best. But there's not many (if any) who I really am completely open with. I think of the closest friends I have from school and church and anywhere else, and not many really know that much about me. My close family members know the most but lately, I'm starting to hesitate telling THEM stuff.
I hate opening up to people. Possibly because of past rejection (I haven't really thought about it till right now, writing). I have a friend from school who I used to share ALOT with. Now, it seems like all we ever do is small talk. It's ridiculously enjoyable small talk - but it's still small talk.
I even feel too nervous to write things on here because real life people I know read it and that used to be cool for a while but now I'm not too sure. I don't want to write for other people. I don't want this to be an entertaining blog where I tell you interesting things. I want this to be my place I can "talk" all I want and not have to worry about what people from church would think, or what my family would think or if the people from school see me differently.
Maybe what I'm doing is dishing out for compliments - I'm certainly getting that impression from reading this. Why do care so much? I'm now very impatient with myself for writing all this. Ugh. Bi-polar much?
I miss writing freely. I used to find it so easy to write my thoughts. Maybe I'll try again sometime this week...
I can't even be bothered proof-reading this. I don't even want to read it again....
Have a not sucky week! :D