Friday, April 27, 2012

Mixing Business With Pleasure

One assignment we have for our English class is having to write a column piece on any subject of our choice. Free will of subject, add your opinion, write personal or others' experiences.... sounds a bit familiar....

Some of my friends considered it a bit of an advantage that I already write in that kind of style on a regular basis - on here. As much as I am excited about this assignment, I'm still very nervous about it because writing my thoughts, opinion and experiences is something I do for fun. It's my hobby. I love it. Writing with barely any structure, as many grammar errors as I please and it's length varying incredibly.

I'm afraid.

Of having something I love doing.... marked. Given a grade on.

It's like a teacher standing behind you examining your gaming skills and giving you a grade, or being marked on the quality of your fb statuses or the relevance or your tweets or being given a grade on how well you paint nails or whatever it is you love doing.

It's all fun and games until you get a flimsy Achieved mark or worse yet... Not Achieved.

My writing is so personal. It's not business at ALL. I take all criticisms to the heart.

I'm having such a hard time deciding on a topic to write on. I have one chance to write something good to see if I'm good at writing... Maybe I shouldn't get so emotionally affected by a school grade. Or maybe I shouldn't doubt my writing...? Maybe.

Thursday, April 26, 2012


I love that moment when someone just.... GETS you. They understand what you mean even if you can't articulate it well and you're just comforted by the fact that you're not alone. There is such loneliness in feeling misunderstood and when you have a friend that makes you feel a little less like an alien, it's an awesome feeling.

I realise I shouldn't depend on my loneliness to be remedied solely by other people because people aren't perfect and they sooner or later fail you.... unintentionally most of the time. Even so, friends  have the ability to do that and it's such a wonderful gift.

I don't really notice how much I like my friends until I stop for a while and just think about just how much I appreciate our friendships. I know I've blogged quite a bit about friends - in general and about specific people - and yet still I have this overwhelming feeling of gratitude and happiness about them.

I hope that I'm giving as much as I'm receiving because well, I receive a lot.

Friends who you can be honest with, be yourself around - there's just an amazing feeling there. So many people feel alone in the world and I do too sometimes. But it never lasts. God has blessed me with such a variety of weird, funny, smart, kind, sarcastic, and nerdy people who in there own way brighten up my life.

I do hope the feeling is somewhat mutual and I'm not just a parasite feeding on their good nature.... lol

This would be incredibly hard for me to tell you in person and I would definitely stutter and make the situation awkward if I tried expressing this gratitude to you in person. However if this doesn't do for you, tell me in person and we can have a chat about how much I appreciate you... and if you do and we're acquaintances and don't know much about each other, expect a whole lotta awkward.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Work Under Pressure

I know it's a common thing for teenagers to leave things to the last minute. And by things I mean homework. We put it off by doing much more important stuff like updating our status or being a socially acceptable cyber stalker. 

I'm like that too and I don't know if it's a thing I should change or you know, work with. Because I work well at very very late hours. 10pm onwards is like prime time for me. I can clean, do homework, it's when my mind is most active. Buzzing with thoughts. Thoughts to blog about, journal or bring up in conversation. 

I did some homework yesterday and it took me an hour to do a practice chemistry exam - WITH ALL MY NOTES. A whole hour. On a fairly easy paper too. I can't help but notice how much more sucky my brain was. I was so.... unmotivated. Just sitting outside on the swing chair with the sun wrapping me in a blanket of warmth. I honestly nearly fell asleep. I closed my eyes for a little while.... but then snapped out of it. 

I work well under pressure. Like at school. Every period is one hour and that full hour is crammed with the lesson's content. We only have one hour to get everything done in. The atmosphere is one that makes me work work work. It feels the same when you leave homework to the last minute and you're on super work mode. That pressure just drives me. But I have this feeling like I'm just making excuses and that I need to apply the pressure myself and get the work done. 

It's that stress that's so exhilarating. I just don't work well in a relaxed environment. Relaxed mood is for relaxation - not work! 

So here I am, with a free Saturday afternoon.....not doing homework. 

Don't forget to be awesome :)

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Open Letter: Sorry

I try to remember everything that made you beautiful, that made you YOU. Any fond memories of us together. 

But I can't help but remember everything I didn't do. The love I didn't show. The patience I lacked. The mean things I said about you. I can't say sorry to you now. I can't hug you. I can't tell you how beautiful you really are. You were right there but I was too much of a snob to make an effort to come over and hang out. Or even make conversation when I WAS over. 

Sorry for being antisocial and putting on my earphones and reading Hunger Games when I came over to your house. I'm sorry I said "Can I use your laptop?" instead of "I love you". I'm sorry that I didn't notice that you said yes to me every time

I'm sorry I only realised all of this now that you're gone so this is of no use to you and serves as therapy for me. 

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

The News

A tv show that I've recently been watching is One News. It features a range of stories in no particular order (to my knowledge..... which is very limited fyi). It makes me feel so many different emotions unlike anything else on television - and it's rarely a nice feeling. Prior to this, 7 Days was my source of current events so it took some adjusting to get used to a non-comedic delivery (the anchors try to make witty remarks but really....).

Spoiler alert.

This boyband, One Direction, who won a singing show, is touring worldwide and they were (or still are, idk) in Australia. Someone on television interviewed them and they also gave these lil' UK boys some pineapple lumps - something they've never heard of before. But oh-em-gee they told these poor ignorant boys that they were an AUSTRALIAN delicacy. Shock. Horror. Gasp. How DARE these mongrels try take something else that is so OBVIOUSLY originated and is iconic in NEW ZEALAND (people-outside-the-Pacific-say-where?). Is THIS what we care about people?! kjfcbsdfli bieacufwbdsljkbwouf dsclvhbjewi2piuqvgcbjf iohgfchueiowpskjxdchfuyrf79yuh23cr89.
Seriously?! THIS is News?!
There's war, poverty, floods, riots, protests, heroes, success - idk. Other pressing matters at hand.
"They'd probably enjoy it more if they knew it was from New Zealand". Why are you mature adults being so petty about this??

Also, on the same show, they reported that there was a competition to give away the last few "golden tickets" to the concert. Tickets that had to be DRIVEN down from Auckland to Wellington (where the competition was being held) because sending via courier wasn't "safe enough". What. The Heck. You're taking up precious time where a legitimate story could've been.

Our family has recently lost a beautiful little girl to her sickness and it's been a very emotional week. So turning on the television to find that THIS is what people cared about enraged me a little. When tragedy strikes - something like fussing over a boyband and their concert that all these screaming girls are "dying" to go to can kinda piss you off.

Like a friend told me - don't watch the News during a rough time. It'll either depress you with the poverty, rape or war or it'll anger you with stupid stories about people who cry over materiel things.

Just an added note - I like One D's songs (What Makes You Beautiful and One Thing) - I just don't like all the fuss and News coverage about them.

Thursday, April 12, 2012


I write, backspace, write, exit, log back onto to blogger then stare at the white box trying to write a new post. This is not a thing that I want to feel forced into doing. I just don't feel like write lately. But I want to want to write and I don't know what to. I don't want to give up altogether. I feel like the more I neglect posting something, the harder it will be to get back on the horse. I don't want in a few months time to look back and think about the "time I used to blog". It won't be a past tense activity. IT WON'T BE.

So I'll write a list of the things running around my head lately:
  •  It's the last year of high school and the biggest question of the year is what am I going to do next year. I've talked to a bunch of people to give me some insight about what universities to go to, where to live and most importantly - what to study. I have a few ideas of what to do but none I'm really sure about.
    • "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - God
  • This next school term is gonna be quite busy and I need to be organised to stay on top of things. Sometimes I wander whether I've taken on too many commitments but if I think about it and make a list - it's not that much. Things get overwhelming when you think about them ALL at once. But taking things one step at a time eventually gets everything done. 
    • "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." - Paul & Timothy
  • The world does not revolve around me. It's not always about me. It's a good reminder every now and then.
  • Being a grammar nazi is not worth it. Fb is not a serious place. Just unsubscribe to them so you still get the perks of fb stalking - just no annoying new feed spam.
  • I think I've only started to realise what "being yourself" means. It's a wonderful feeling. More people should do it. It's pretty hard. Well, it was for me anyway. I've tried on multiple personalities (mostly my siblings) to be more likable. It worked.... for a while. But if you're not you, you can't keep it up forever. Pretending gets tiring. It's like trying to keep up with billions of lies. Find who you are and be it - and be it well. No one else can do it better!

Okay, there's something. Good. Right. Time to do fe'aus now.