Don't you just hate seeing people at school at you have eye contact for a split second and you think about how you used to be quite good friends with them, how you're not sure if they remember you so you don't want to say hi and be rejected, and you miss them a little, and then you look away because you're too damn scared of saying hi.
I've done this countless times. About two years ago (and last year) I'd see these two girls who were my best friends back in primary school. But it was too awkward to say hi. They didn't really acknowledge each other. The three of once played on the playground together, now not a word spoken between us.
It's so weird co-existing with humans you used to be close with. I guess it's similar to what hanging out with an ex-boyfriend must be like but on a smaller scale.
I hate losing friends. But it happens to everyone so at least there's comfort in that.
In primary school, one of my best friends (mentioned above) was a year older than I was and she went to intermediate school while I was stuck in year 6. I wrote her letters that I gave to her brother (who was still in primary) to pass onto her. I never got a reply. I stopped after about 5 letters. Felt like a lot of a loser.
In intermediate school, I had another quite close friend who was a year older. She had the biggest smile I knew and I learnt that people who smoke, wag class, get into fights, calls themselves a "crip" can be the nicest people ever. On the last day of school, we had a massive hug and cry in the rain because she would be going to high school the next year, I'll be stuck in year 8 and we might never see each other again. We saw each other on the street and we had a very brief awkward conversation. Just formalities really.
In high school (which I'm still in), I had a really close friend. Then I had to go make things awkward by telling him I "like" liked him and now we're not close friends. Yeah.
I had a best friend in Samoa who was Japanese and she didn't really talk to anyone but me. Not even the teacher. When the teacher would ask her a question, she'd whisper in my ear and I'd answer for her. I would eat half of her lunch and drink her tea.
I had another best friend in another school in Samoa who once punched me in the face. I was a bit scared of her but she was like a shield for me from the mean boys. We were very competitive about our academics.
It's always interesting seeing how people have changed over the years. I would love to meet all my old friends again and tell them how much I appreciate them. How much I sometimes miss them but am quite glad to have known them.
I miss my old friends but I love my now friends. I'm so blessed to have like-able people around me. Friends is a thing I talk about a lot but I really like them.
I've written and not posted so many posts and this was that post where I felt like I had to just do it. So I did. No proofreading in case I chickened out. Again. Good.