Okay, if you've seen that episode, you might remember that the Angels get imprinted in her brain and threaten to kill her. She felt weaker by the second and started to believe she was turning into stone. The Doctor tells her to close her eyes because it's the only way to stop that Angel. Then she says, "No, no, I don't want to." In which he replies, "Good, because that's not you, that's the Angel inside you, it's afraid! Do it! Close your eyes!" Everything inside screamed and resisted against it, yet, it was what saved her.
Okay, anecdote over now. This made me think about all the times I felt thing resembling depression (or perhaps was) but being happy was the last thing I was thinking about. Because when I'm incredible sad, I don't want to make things better, I don't want to be better. I just want to eat chocolate and lie down and cry for
I don't know if you believe in God and Satan but even if you don't, you can use Satan to represent the "darkness" and God the "light". Anyway, Satan hates God so naturally, being better, feeling not-depressed is not something that Satan wants so when you're in his territory, his depression, trying to get out of it feels unnatural, is repellent because it wants you to stay, to spiral down. It knows if you take those steps into getting out, getting better, it would its grip on you. Becasue it wants you to stay a prisoner.
Which is why doing what you don't want is exactly what you should do. Which is a hard pill for me to swallow because I so easily jump on the self-pity bandwagon and rarely the self-help one. Because when I'm happy, I want to keep things that way, taking care of myself and loving myself come naturally.
I don't know if I've really done my thoughts justice with my writing but hopefully you're able to read the exformation* that I've failed to provide. I thought I better record this thought train in case I forgot it.
Have a good night :)
*I don't think this is a legit word but exformation is like information, except it's not stated but you still might see and understand it. Like when people say vague, incoherrent sentences then say "you know what I mean?"
To use it in a sentence: Girls provide too much exformation and not enough information.