Saturday, September 8, 2012

Somebody I Used To Know

Dear Boy Who Used To Be So Important To Me,

I never really did close myself off to the possibility burning hope of seeing you again and seeing where we'd go from there and I never really did "get over you". I sometimes thought, what if things were different? What if I just stayed a little bit longer? What if what if what if what if....... Which seems silly because well, it's been a LONG while since us, and I don't even know if you care enough to hold me somewhere in your memories. Some days, I've wished I was, other days I've thought I wasn't worthy enough to be remembered. But now, I don't mind not knowing. It doesn't bother me either way. I wish things didn't go down like they did but they did. And I'm okay. Now. No more what if's. No more wishing upon a hopeless star. Just peace.

You were so gloriously perfect. Your freakin' gorgeous hair, that killer smile, your swag, your alluring way with words and the fact that you even considered me made me die and feel alive at the same time. I remember all that, the infatuated high, that giddy feeling and suppress the fact that I didn't really know you. I exposed my soul and everything I was and I didn't really see much of you. (NOTE TO MY FAMILY READING THIS: I promise you this is totally NON physical. haha). You spoke but never said much. Your words that captivated me then now seems rehearsed, recycled, retold. You never let me in, maybe you didn't know how or it just never crossed your mind to. Maybe you didn't notice my vulnerability. I wrote you embarrassingly sappy poems and letters for goodness sakes - who DOES that?! What? Did I think I was in some stupid rom com or Nicholas Sparks book or something?! Aaah, silly silly Laura. I was under your ridiculously charming spell that I SWORE was the real deal. The freakin' one. Fate. Soul Mates and all that shinanigans.

But you weren't. And I'm okay with that now. I can actually look back and laugh at myself instead of cringe or cry. The wound is now a scar, a scar that I don't mind having - no matter how ugly and painful it was to get it.

I hope you're okay. I will always wish good for you and your future - you're Laura-less future. Which is cool. You're cool.

Can't believe it took me this long. MAN I don't let things go very easily.

Goodbye J, and goodnight :)

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