I think about all the people (girls) who backstab other girls when they're not around and I wonder... what do these girls say about me when I'm not around. Mind you, they might not say much, I'm not exactly hot topic of conversation... but there's that insecure teenage part of me that is so hesitant to keep smiling at people who talk rubbish about others to (or around) me because I can't help but think they apply the same respect (or lack thereof) to me.
There's another part of me that's like, "pfft, no one talks about you - ever."
I don't know which part is more insecure - the part that WANTS to be talked about for the sake of being talked about, or the part that doesn't want to be talked about in fear that it won't be good.
I surprise myself with my semi-obsession about this. I never thought I would care about something like this - but I'm not immune to this version of fame. Why am I so obsessed with fame - and not even worldwide fame - simply fame among my peers. Peers who I won't see most of for the rest of life after this year is over. So why does it matter so much what they think of me. Although, my sister did once point out not to worry about what others thought of you since they're busy thinking about themselves (like I am now).
One thing I was thinking about recently was judging others and all that. And I figured, the human race is so naturally judgmental (usually). So no matter what I do, how hard I try to please people, someone, at least one (but probably more) will find a way to fault me. It's just a thing that happens. And the sooner I accept that that's a constant in life, the sooner I can focus on things I CAN change.
Thus ends another late night ramble about something rather. I hope it was enjoyable for you because the few minutes you spent reading this will never be returned. Lucky you.