I have so many things I want to say but I don't know what order write them in. Chronologically, in order of coolness, alphabetically, randomly... I don't know whether to dedicate a post for each thing to allow me to elaborate and discuss and clarify or if I want to keep it as raw and ambiguous as possible. I don't know if it's even worth sharing. I just want to write ALL the things.
I want to write about deep issues that our society and myself personally face but I don't want to rush it and not do it justice.
I want to write short anecdotes but I worry it might not be funny.
I want to post something because I hate it when my most recent post is not recent at all. But I don't want to post any old thing because then my most recent post will be crappy and I'll be embarrassed every time I check my blog for comments (which is incredibly frequently).
I have all these fears of not blogging right. I'm always scared someone's gonna tell me I'm not good at it and I should make the world a better place by stopping. I have this immense insecurity that's very irrational. It's like trying to convince that 55kg girl that NO SHE'S NOT FAT. You have logic on your side, but they got crazy. And crazy always wins.
I have this fear but I don't want it to paralyse me. I don't want to become so scared that I stop writing. Because really, I think this is my only real passion in life - writing. Although what I write isn't critically acclaimmed column writing - it has a bit of soul etched in every post. I impart a bit of myself every time I bang this keyboard. Like my tagline (and Mitchie Torres) says, this is real, this is me.
And I know who I am cannot be solely defined in what I write - but there's certainly a chunk of me in here.
Ooh, I just thought of a blog post about celebrities... time to draft on paper so I minimise the amount of wrong,