Monday, December 31, 2012

Fin

So this is the end.

End of the year.
End of my high school life.
And end of this blog.

It saddens me deeply to say but I'm saying byebye to my baby lauratoailoa.blogspot.com.

It's not that I want a fresh start... I kinda like being able to store my posts since 2010.

But in about four years time, I want to maybe be a teacher. Idk, it's a possibility. And keeping that possibility in mind, I don't want my future students to be able to keep track of my life and deepest thoughts.

I also don't want my future employers to be able to find me so easily. Laura Toailoa isn't exactly the most anonymous of blog titles.

However, I won't delete this blog - but it shall remain a time capsule of teenage, high school me. I just hope adult me doesn't suffer because of what now-me wrote on this beloved blog.

So, I'm starting up another blog somewhere is the blogosphere and if ya wanna know where, send me an email at lauratoailoa@hotmail.com to ask :) I've met some pretty cool people through this blog and I wanna take you with me... I just wanna leave behind the nosey general public. lol

So yeah, byebye sometimes readers. To my faithful readers, I'm sure you'll get a hand on my new blog so don't fret.

I can't believe I'm really doing this... I've thought about it for a few months and now I'm really properly doing it... woah... change, I can handle you!

Good day :)

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Privilege

I am privileged.

No, I'm not a middle-upper class Caucasian heterosexual male but I have a lot of other privileges.

I'm somewhat of a thinker. I love pondering and musing and questioning. I love thinking about our subconscious behaviour, social constructions, cultural differences, the emotional effects of puberty, the meaning behind the tone of voice, amount of eye contact or choice of words. I love identifying recurring patterns in human behaviour and how often people think they're the exception to the pattern - yet that very thought fits into the mold. I like to think about my countless scenarios of unrequited love and how accurate movies are at depicting real life.

I've devoted many hours to thinking and talking about, writing down and typing up my thoughts. Many many hours. The amount of hours of a privileged person. You see, I've never worked a day in my life. I go to school, stress over schoolwork and go on the internet.

That's privilege number one - not having to work. Both mum and dad work and I got pocket money - something unheard of in my family. I've never earned money I've owned. I'm their daughter and that fact got me money. That's privilege I say. My parents are no billionaires, and yet. So not having to slave away for mula, I've had a lot of free time to myself. I know some people from school who work straight after school and during weekends - a life I've never had to experience. So I was free to think. And think. And think. I didn't have to worry about bills, rent or trying to help out in the family affairs. I was just a free bird. And that's privilege.

Privilege number two - being child number 6 out of 7. Being so far down the line meant I was not the child that responsibility was thrust upon. That was given to my poor older sisters. They looked after me, paid for a lot of my leisure activities and always did chores and stuff like that. I was babied. Even now that I'm technically an adult, I'm still very much their little sister. They look out for me constantly - even when they're living far away. I was never pressured or burdened with major older sister responsibilities. I have one younger sister, but we just hang out and ch-chill. I'm rarely her caregiver like my sisters were, and are, for me.

Privilege number three - internet access at home. This is one many teenagers I know experience, but that does not make a difference. Thanks to the wireless broadband at home, I've been able to spend hours writing and reading other people's philosophical and sociological arguments and observations. Thus, enabling me to develop my own.

There are many many more I'm sure but I'm figuring this post is getting a bit lengthy and extremely babbly. I apologise for that - I feel like it's been ages since I've last posted so I'm just unleashing my fingers to dance around the keyboard as much as possible while I'm at an internet cafe.

I just want to add one last note, I hope I didn't come off braggy or show-offy. That was not my intention at all. I just wanted to credit the fact that something a lot of people compliment me on (which is my ability to make interesting observations, conclusions, comments and ideas) is not due to me alone. I'm not able to devote so much time and energy into it (and trust me, I do) if it wasn't for loads of other factors in and around my life that enable me to live the privileged life I do.

And I'm extremely grateful for it. Thank you God for the immense blessings you provide. Thank you family for raising me to be as well off as I am. Thank you friends who let me spill me cray cray thinking spree on them. Thank you everyone who's ever been part of my life because consiously or subconsiously, you've helped make me who I am today.

Okay, this blog is waaay too long and unstructured and all over the place - I'll try to be better next post. Thank you for reading this far. Thank you reader, for making me feel like my thoughts are valid because you take the time out of your life to peruse through them.

(That was three paragraphs of "one last note". I'm quite bad at this... haha)

Bye for now :)

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

High School

Was nothing like I expected. I dreamed of lockers, cafeterias how fun it must be to have multiple teachers. I dreamed of juicy gossip and loads of drama.

Turns out high school was nothing like Mean Girls, 10 Things I Hate About You and every other American teen movie I've seen. Well, maybe it is in America...

I had zero exciting drama and no lockers. I had friends who I never ever fought with and the teachers weren't out to get me. I was never absolutely hated and not adored by all... pretty average really. I was never "fresh gossip" and most of the time... it never reached my ears so I knew little to none about my fellow peers.

The only thing I seriously stressed, panicked over and lost sleep to was... the schoolwork. Which is weird because that's what the characters I watch NEVER talk about. Or they only mention it slightly but proceed onto to mawling each other faces with saliva... or so, that's what it looks like.

I never felt pressured to drink, smoke or have sex. Some people around me did it, but I always felt like they were merely suggesting it but didn't care if I didn't. Live and let live.

School. Was. Stressful. I worried too much about making my work perfect and whether or not the teacher will approve instead of trying to impress myself with the best I could do.

Just about everyone I met were friendly to me. Those who weren't, were soon forgotten - because I don't remember anybody who was rude or mean but surely not 100% of people I met were nice to me...

I loved nearly all my teachers. I am lucky.

It's been a good five years with LOOOOADS of memories. Many we can look back and laugh at. Thank you all for the good times.

Have fun being adults everyone! :)
"Adult" is not a synonym for boring and does not mean you've got it all figured out.
It just means if you get arrested... you go to real jail.

Goodnight :)